Lived Experience Forum

[Codex1]

I want to start this new thread as a way of reminding ourselves in writing, that we can keep living despite the odds we have against us. Let's keep this discussion going for as long as we can!

Ok, I'll start the ball rolling!

I know I have lifelong psychiatric problems and a permanent disability to boot. But I'm 36 now and am still here! I'm still surviving with some other health issues which are currently under control. And today is going well so far.

My brain and body are still trying to cope with past problems that aren't happening today. I keep reliving new situations that have recently occured, when they aren't happening in this moment, today. But I'm still here, and I'm writing now while I relax. This is a major improvement for me as a few weeks ago I couldn't even think straight let alone function properly. And my appetite is back. And I'm less pesimistic. Not perfectly optimistic, but less pesimistic. I suppose this means I can improve on pessimism as well? Even if I can't be sure, I have to improve somehow eventually!

I make society my issue when it's really not my problem at all. My actual problem is not standing up for myself when I'm mistreated. It's no good getting medical support and then not sticking up for myself. Medical help and therapy is great, but I keep letting people mistreat me and I have to stop doing it because every time I let people get away with hurting or abusing me, they take power away from me and they win. It's time to stop letting my power be taken by people who don't deserve my time of day, and giving my power to people who want to help and support me. I sent that email yesterday. This was a good call. No more stress now!!! I update support workers before problems get worse for me. All good now!!!

I still need medical support for my psychiatric and physical symptoms so my brain and body stays healthy and well, but at least I'm functioning today and I can finally cut my unwanted past out. I can say no to what I don't want in my life. I can block/cut out negative people who are toxic for me, and support people who want help and support. I know there's some negativity around helping others, but if people are looking for help, they won't be toxic with me. Let's please keep the good times coming! I need my health to keep improving every day. I need to keep trusting my doctors and I still need to look for a psychologist who will work for me.

[Appleblossom]

There seems to be heaps of positivity in your post @Codex1 

I am also currently on a journey of standing up for myself more.  Using my voice. Not settling for bad treatment due to a sense of not knoing any better, and not believing I was worthy of more. A long time ago I came across a concept ... called .... Carefrontation .... instead of confrontation .... I do try.

cheers

Apple

Eg:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvUQcnfwUUM 

[tyme]

Hey @Codex1 ,

So great to read your post. I'm glad there's a shift in things - for the better.

I hope to hear more of your progress. 

I appreciate you sharing this with the community, because I can see you have thought very deeply about your recovery.

Good on you!

tyme

[Codex1]

@tyme my recovery is more of a medical support program to stop my psychiatric issues from deteriorating further. I'm under close medical supervision for a while now, although I'm going to keep requesting it over and over again, for my own safety. But thank you for giving me a different perspective, I respect you for that.

[Codex1]

I enjoyed my lunch today. I love baby potatoes with butter, the trays of those that you get from Woollies.
It's good my appetite is back. Now I just have to avoid stressing too much. Now I have to keep any power I've got and not let it go to people who I don't trust. At least I know what I want in my life. Hopefully I stay with Mable now, I should never have left them. Anyway, I'm getting good support workers who know how to treat people with respect. I also like how I didn't get super stressed out today. Good news!!! A slight headache instead of feeling very terrible. And I'm not bedbound because of intense fatigue, or feeling super crook, any more, besides the stupid hayfever allergies which comes and goes. Life is running fairly smoothly. For now. I want it to stay that way for a long time, not just a few months.

[Codex1]

It's 2:14 am but I had a very good sleep earlier. So I got up an hour ago and had a good meal to eat. Then I did washing. Got the dishes done. I prefer to do my housework during the evening as daytime is full of phone calls, books, emails, a rest and a nap, socialising etc. So I don't want any chores to have to do during the day unless it's necessary, like spilling something or have extra dishes by lunch time.<br>I'm sure my sporadic routines with even out. I've only just taken my new medication almost two weeks ago so I still have some adjustments to make to it, and possible some medical support changes. I like writing in this space because it keeps me grounded without being stuck with my own thoughts all the time, and I can set my writings in a readable format for an audience, not just me. I don't know why, I like it when people read what I write, maybe it's just a form of moral support which I don't receive when I do private journalling. But this suits me. When I do private journalling, I tend to write without a filter, so later when I read it, it scares me. At least here, I won't write things that will frighten me when I re-read it later.<br>I dealt with another stupid email before coming onto these forums. I had to write one. It's done now. Now I can just leave the NDIS stress alone! (Sigh) I am so glad I can honestly forget about it. I can deal witto noth written and spoken communications, what I can't deal with is stress brought on by expectations being piled onto my shoulders because I'm expected to prove everything about myself no matter how much evidence I provide. At least I don't have to shoulder this stupid burden any more so I won't cry and sob as much any more. I shouldn't have to put up with a horrible eating disorder flareup for a long time now either, which is good. I can understand losing my appetite for short periods because of physical illness due to a viral infection. But when it just happens along with a lot of other physical and mental health symptoms, it freaks me out because I don't know how long it'll take for me to recover, nor how severe my flareup will become. I guess this is another crappy discussion I'll need to have with the doctors next Monday as they've seen what I'm like and we have to avoid another flareup as I'll get chronically worse as I get older if we don't fix this issue now. At least I have support workers who can help me properly and they treat me like a human being instead of trash. Nobody likes to be treated in a trashy way, so I'm happy to note that my new support people are very kind and compassionate towards me.