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Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi there,

(I've had to repost this so apologies if you've already read this)
 
New to the forum and hoping to make sense of my partners mental illness or discuss similar situations as I just feel so alone.
 
My partner has (untreated) bipolar II and has been in a depressive episode for as long as I've known him (2 years) but I understand that it has been going on for longer than that. I've recently been starting to see a therapist myself as my own mental health has been declining of late as I've become isolated due to his behaviour and by being on maternity leave.
 
Unfortunately at our worst in our relationship, its mentally, physically and verbally abusive. He manipulates and blames me for triggering him like I'm responsible for his behaviour.
 
 
I reached a breaking point after one of our arguments which ended with him verbally and physically abusing me in an effort to belittle me & leave me feeling powerless. I've just felt broken ever since... I'm constantly on the defensive with him now over the smallest things which has left me snappy or with an attitude as he likes to call it. I'm just so unsure on how to repair what has been damaged.
 
He has made small improvements over the last 6 months but I don't feel our relationship getting any better.
 

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and has overcome the resentment?

Any advice would be appreciated.

15 REPLIES 15

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi @Rainy_nights,

you have a lot on your plate - it's great you are seeing a therapist. I have been in a similar situation regarding being pinned down by an ex partner who was abusive (I think he was a narcissist). I could not get over the resentment and despised him to the point that when ever he started talking I was saying shut up inside my head and sometimes said it out loud which ended in yelling matches and upset my daughter who was 7 at the time. I realized that the relationship was only going to get worse and so I suggested marriage counselling. He said no so I ended the relationship (after 12 years). I wish i'd had the courage to end it earlier. It sounds like your relationship is toxic and you deserve better; his bipolar is not an excuse for his behaviour. You need to leave him for yourself and your child. I wish you well and feel for you in this horrible situation I know how hard it is to take action when you are exhausted. 

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi @SuzieQ ,

Thank you for your reply.

I can definitely relate to the voice in your head that screams 'shut up' whenever he talks.

It has been very toxic and I always worry about how it will affect our son as he is at that age where he is observing behaviours. I think I've come to the point now where I'll be serious in implementing a plan to leave.  He threatens to destroy our home or my sisters home and take his life if I was ever to leave & take our son to which he says would be on me. I definitely feel like he has the potential to do these things but I realise they are also emotional blackmail too. 

It is all so very exhausting, especially when he cant see what he is doing. He believes that because he is making improvements in his behaviour, that he can no longer be the issue - its me, I'm the one not working on the relationship, I'm the one who is the problem. He can be so convincing...

 

I'm so glad you found a better life for yourself & your daughter - I admire your strength. Thank you for sharing your story, I definitely feel a little less crazy Smiley Happy

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi @Rainy_nights 

 

I think most of us with loved ones have dealt with less than pleasant words but BPii is no excuse for abuse. His bad behaviour is not your fault.

 

Lovingly supporting someone with MH issues however is not wrong and it can be done in a healthy manner.

 

I am not experienced with DV, can I gently suggest you call 1800respect where you can get help from those who are.

 

A lot of us carers have our own counsellors who help us as we negotiate life around our lived ones difficulties. Setting and maintaining boundaries (relationship rules that protect your heart) is a difficult thing to do, one of mine is that Mr Darcy will remain in treatment/on meds.  Can I encourage you to do the same, your GP can give you a MH plan which will allow you 10 psychology sessions that are Medicare rebateable and there are a number of therapists who will bulk bill with the MH plan if finances are an issue..

 

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi @Rainy_nights 

 

So sorry you are going through this and its really great that you have come through here to reach out. 

 

Just wanted to echo @Darcy here and ask if you have ever looked into a support for yourself like a counsellor to help in this instance?

 

Also 1800Respect is a great service to connect with - other helpful services are listed on this website

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Thank you for your responses @Darcy @Lauz .

 

I have seeked a MH plan this year and it has helped a lot in deciphering his behaviours - what is traits of his MI and what is not. 

I am probably still more confused than ever with the whole situation though but it is good to have some reassurance that my gut is right about his bad behaviours and it's not ok for him to blame his bipolar...

 

I guess I have read through some threads wondering if there were some answers out there for me by someone else who has lived/lives with this same situation.

May be there's someone who can talk to me more about leaving or if there is light at the end of the long tunnel...

 

I dont really know anymore, just kinda feels like I'm grasping at straws in an effort to navigate through this rollercoaster ride.

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

It's great that you have been able to check out some other threads to help guide you in your own experience, the 1800Respect number is a great one to call regarding your situation. Even if you just want to just talk to someone, they will help provide you with options that you can then think about with the information you have found here. You mentioned that you are on maternity leave, how old is your little one currently? 

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi @Ali11 

 

He is almost 1 now. 

I've taken an extended leave off work as I started study again this year which has helped me mentally but has come with other challenges from him (of course).

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

ohhhhh @Rainy_nights 

my husband has bipolar 11 and other diagnosis

sending you tender hugs @Ali11 , @Darcy , @SuzieQ 

we aare here for you @Rainy_nights xx

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

That's an exciting age, but they command a lot of attention and care when they're so small, don't they @Rainy_nights? How is the study going?

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