Lived Experience Forum

[CogsWhirl]

HI All,

I'm new here and I just wanted to tell my story.  I'm a survivor of domestic violence and a couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD.  I also happen to be a male survivor.   I have listened to and read the stories of so many female survivors and found I can identify with so many of them. However, no one ever talks about male survivors. Politicians, journalists, so called experts,  in all the horrible news about DV no one ever mentions us and I know male survivors are by far a minority, but we do exist. I don't want to downplay anything, I know how terrible it is for all survivors but  I don't feel like I have a voice, I feel alone and not supported and there are times when it really hurts.

I was with my wife for 9 years, The abuse started a few weeks into the marriage, It was mainly verbal, but that progressed into physical violence towards me. In all the 9 years I never hit her, I was just scared of her.  I stayed in the marriage because she got pregnant early on and I stayed because of my daughter.  I also owned the house we were living in, so I didn't have anywhere to go.  It all ended when she put me in hospital after a serious attack  and the whole story came out.

I received therapy which was great and I sort of know what I need to do to soothe and take care of myself.  However, I have good days and bad,  and periods like today,  where I just get scared,  Hopefully, I can learn something from these forums.  Hopefully I don't have to feel alone .  Anyway I just wanted to tell my story and say hello

[Snowie]

Hi @CogsWhirl and welcome to the forums.

Firstly, well done for telling your story. That must be extremely hard to do. You are right, it is terrible for all survivors of DV whether they are female or male. I am sorry you had to go through what you did.

I am glad that you have received support and that it has helped. Do you still have a support system in place?

Again, welcome to the forums. I hope you find the support you are looking for on here. I have never been through DV but I do understand that we have our good and bad days. On here you will never be alone. I found out that a while ago. There is always a listening and compassionate person to listen to us.

[CogsWhirl]

Thank you Snowie,

I finished up with my Psychologist a few months ago. We both came to the conclusion that I was doing OK and she had given me a lot of resources.   Mostly, I can get through the hard times, but domestic violence gets brought up so often in the media  and such that I keep getting drawn back into my whole experience.     I read somewhere about  coping ugly in regard to PTSD,  meaning that you do have your good days and also the bad and you just need to accomodate them. This kind of gets me through  because I think about impermanence and this too shall pass and all that.  

But there are those times when I'm scared.  Having somewhere to just  express my hurt, like on this forum,  is good as a release

[Snowie]

Anytime @CogsWhirl 

I suffer from PTSD too for different reasons but can totally understand the good and bad days.

I am glad you have resources from your psych, hopefully they will continue to help you as you continue in your recovery.

I hope that this forum is a good release for you. I find it a good place to express my feelings, especially if I have no one else to talk too. I also find it a good place to get my thoughts out and then move on from them.

[LiveFreedom]

Thankyou for sharing your story. 

Growing up I saw alot of domestic violence, for years my mother verbally and physically abused my father, my father would try to reach out for help by calling the police but the police did not help him but instead was told, "you need to control your women". My father toIerated being abused by my mother for years and then he left my mother.

I myself have been diagnosed with PTSD. I also have been diagonosed with Major depression and anxiety. 

I try to have good distractions like listening to music I just recently started listening to Rag n Bone man music which helps me stay calm. 

I also have my good days and bad days and on my bad days my mood is very low and I get scared.

This is my first time on this forum. I was anxious about signing up to this forum but  after reading your story, I just needed to reply to your story. 

Thanks again for sharing your story and take good care of yourself.

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome @LiveFreedom 

soo glad you did sign up here 

letting you know that you are not alone my friend 

yes music trepary is good , my husband has it nice and loud when he needs it 

hello @CogsWhirl , @Snowie 

[wellwellwellnez]

Thanks for your story. D.V. and coercion are tricky conversations but we have to have them.