29-09-2018 11:31 PM
My partner and I have only been together just under a year.
This whole time has been very difficult. At times, it has been great others, very traumatic.
My partner is considered a paranoid schizophrenic. He is currently hospitalised, initially voluntary, now involuntary. He suffers delusions, paranoia, anger, depression, disorganised thoughts and speech, sometimes he has suicidal thoughts but I don't believe he will physically harm himself.
He has been in hospital almost two weeks. He is not responding to treatment and the environment is inconducive to his well being.
Today, was very hard. He had escorted leave, and we went out to the shops then to the park. He had a paranoid episode in the park and got very aggressive and yelling at me. He then walked off and left me alone in the park. This was all over a lighter and me taking a while to put my shoes on. I am currently pregnant with twins (pre 12 weeks) and trying to keep all this together. I was told to f**k off. I called the hospital panicking, the nurse just seemed incompetent. Asked me why I was crying, after I explained the series of events. Honestly, i yelled at her for asking a stupid question.
He went back to the hospital. I called and he was there.
Last week, he was very different, this week he is getting progressively worse. He blames me for being in there, but he chose to go after a manic episode. All I have ever suggested is going to the GP as a first point. Then go from there. I never suggested or wanted him in this hospital.
I feel the lack of care and information to carers and partners from the hospital and nursing staff is severely impeding my ability to help him.
The medication seemed to be working, then it stopped. The increments increasing over a very short period of time. Plus has been given a sedative when he has shown aggression.
I am at a loss. I feel very isolated and I am really struggling with where the person ends and the illness starts. Today, I just feel utterly useless and this pregnancy is a spanner in the works and I have no idea on where I can get help and support and whether my partner, who I dearly love, loves me back.
30-09-2018 09:24 AM - edited 30-09-2018 09:26 AM
Hi @Muddles17. I see you are new to the forums. Welcome! I hope that you find it a helpful and supportive place to be.
Thanks for sharing your situation - it sounds extremely challenging. When a loved one is so unwell it can often be difficult to tell where the person ends and the illness begins (as you say). There is a thread here on that topic that you may be interested in reading.
The experience you had in the park with your husband sounds very scary. I'm sorry you are not feeling supported by the hospital. There are many members on here who have experience caring for a partner with mental illness. @Shaz51 hope you don't mind me tagging you here.
Most importantly, keep looking after yourself (and the twins!).
All the best,
30-09-2018 01:38 PM
it is hard when our partners are unwell and they say things which is from their MI , I have found that they don`t know what they are saying and they don`t mean too
keep looking after yourself (and the twins!). and remember you are not alone , so please tlk with us , how is eveything today xx
01-10-2018 11:20 PM
Thank you for your reply.
This long weekend has had it's challenges. The incident on Saturday, Sunday there was still aggression and paranoia present despite my partner's want to be close to me (kiss and hug on meeting followed by other intimate moments) but he got paranoid over the pregnancy and just completely disorganised in speech that it was difficult to hold.a conversation
Today I visited at the hospital, a nurse stepped outside the doors and starting throwing all these. Rules at me. No touching, no hugs, no leave, sit on couch in front of window near nurses station, he raises voice I will be asked to leave etc.
I think what upset me the most was the unprofessionalism in this male nurse basically patronising me about the pregnancy and the chances of my partners condition being genetic etc. Then asked if I was sure if they were his. I was defensive and shocked at the same time.
The time together was ok, we spoke, briefly touched when we could. We are very close and him being in this place without stimulus is making him worse in my opinion.
I got agitated at the site of the bathroom I was expected to use 'already used twice but by the third time, it was dirty and covered in faeces and paper everywhere) to the point i was like "you have got to be f*****g me" . I asked for extra facilities available, and was met with contempt. This Nurse was so nasty i couldn't believe it. I had to go across the road to admissions, vomiting then wetting myself. In the end an embarrassing shameful uber trip home.
I am not sure how much more visiting that place I can take.
This whole ordeal is very distressing at the moment and I feel very lost myself. I know there is strength within me somewhere, i just don't know where it is.
I apologise for the waffle on, but this weekend has been trying and not sure how I can get through the week.
18-10-2018 12:18 AM
Sorry I have not checked in here for a while. Busy with pregnancy and a relapse with my partner that doesn't seem to be ending.
My partner is still hospitalised. They have changed meds. His aggression, impulsivity and agitation has increased dramatically and was given an indiciation of an early discharge late next week. All that has changed in four days. He will be starting New medication again and the discharge is off the table.
There has been times of physical and verbal violence in public and that alone has caused a lot of stress.
I am not really coping. The nurses at the hospital said it's me that causes him to act that way. They won't listen to me when I am explaining everything that is happening and how it's all cyclical. So I've basically been blamed for his anger and aggression as he doesn't do it on the ward. Yet he suppresses it and blasts it at me whenever we are together as a means of venting/release. It's unbearable at the moment. Also been "patronised" how relationships start all lovey dovey etc... And how you don't really know a person or they hide it, well when I said to the nurse, this has been like this our whole relationship, it's nothing new they seemed shocked. Then basically said maybe I am pushing him? I asked to clarify, met with blank stares.
I feel disillusioned with the nurses. I feel I am withdrawing for my own preservation but also being forced to. I am so concerned for him and the future. I love my partner deeply, but I am not sure how much longer I can sustain this relationship or be his carer.
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