Lived Experience Forum

[chibam]

• "Well, that's your problem."
• "Well, it's your own fault." (especially when nobody can explain how I could've handled things better amd obtained a better result)
• "So, when are you gonna get a life?" (yeah. that one cut deep. Especially when it came from a stranger.)

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@TheVorticon wrote:

Anything that comes after the words "You just need to..." or "I think it's just..." 😅

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Yeah, me too. In my experiance, the biggest problem with those statements is that the "advice" that follows them is always so damned vague, you've got no hope of translating it into a usable set of instructions. But the people who deal them out have the gall to act as if they've just printed you out a clear, step-by-step guide on how to get what you need.

Equally upsetting are the instances where their advice is clearly oriented towards delivering the outcomes that they want, not necessarily the one you want.

@BlueBay wrote:

Just forget about it    or

let it go

just move on

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Yeah. Towards the end of my therapy, the word "acceptance" became the most toxic staple of my treatment. All these phrases are more or less cut from that same cloth.

@cloudcore wrote:

I think it's awful hearing "but think about all the people who have it worse", it's so dismissive and upsetting!

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I agree completely. And this is one of the things that really frustrates me, because it just highlights the fact that our (i.e. the "mentally ill", suffering, suicidal, ect. community) insight/perspective is not filtering out into the wider community or public dialog about these issues. Because the validity of "but think about all the people who have it worse" has already been debunked in our environment! We know that it's an illegitimate argument! But the broader public, who invest all of 15 seconds thinking about these issues when they encounter them, still deal these faulty pearls out to sufferers far more wise then themselves, because they've just been so hopelessly indoctrinated by the media and "official guidelines", that they aren't able to deliver anything more then remarks that have been prepared for them by the powers-that-be!

This is why we still need much, much more presence for actual sufferers in our media material and PSA campaigns.

[Codex1]

'A few things that give me a rise:
"Ok, you don't have to lose your temper, you need to control it better!"
"Hey hey! Excuse me, watch your language there!" (As if screaming at me is going to reduce my already escolating stress and anxiety).
"How does that make you feel?" (So, does this mean to say you don't really care how I feel, you just want to get an answer out of me to change the subject? Is the question actually genuine because you care, or because you want to dismiss me?)
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Are you upset with the situation or are you just having a moment?"

There are too many things. But what does help is when people use a caring voice tone instead of a flat, uninterested, invalidating tone behind what they say. Also being clear instead of being vague, then expecting me to figure out the confusion. Please just be straight with me while showing me that you care.

[Codex1]

@Rhye I get crabby with people who tell me, "you know, everybody has problems." Excuse me, well then, stop downplaying my problems then thank you! (My immediate thought after people say this crap to me, sometimes I actually say it out loud). I've also heard, "people have it a lot worse than you. You should be grateful that you can even feed yourself and you have arms and legs!" My response: "Um, hey! Does this mean that you don't care about people unless they are super unwell or passing on in front of you?" (I say a lot worse offline). I'm also quick to remind people of how little their outward show of concern is for me when it's not genuine. I like people to mean what they say to me. I like honesty.

[Codex1]

@Gwynn maybe you need to let your Mum know that what she's saying means something different for you, and different again for other people. So she should rephrase it or say nothing. I only thought to tell you this because she probably doesn't realise she's got it wrong.

[Codex1]

@Rhye if I don't like what someone says, I will just tell them. Mind you, this is just how I am with my personality and feeling comfortable with speaking my mind.

[Codex1]

@chibam I still haven't yet found a psychologist who hasn't created more stigma for people with mental illness. They all do it. The few people who haven't done this to me are my current GP and a few very good support workers. The rest of the mental health profession are just in it for the money.
I also can't tolerate people who tell me to take less medication. Why? because they think my behaviour is purely premeditated and suddenly the person knows all about medicines? Believe me, my offline opinions are unfiltered and I definitely am outspoken and do upset many, many people.

[Rhye]

Morning @Codex1, honesty in relationships is really one of the key values isn't it. I would prefer someone tell me as it, however I guess I'm learning that not everyone has the capacity for those kinds of conversation. It can certainly leave you in a tricky place with your feelings.