Lived Experience Forum

[EvergreenPeace]

Im at a loss to how im feeling.

For the past little while I've been very anxious and sad about my most recent lost friendship/relationship. It is completely my fault for allowing my trauma to spill out and onto this person, after trying to deal with it for so long on my own (which i shouldnt have done in the first place, but younger me was a completely different person and thought he could take it and deal with it). I guess I cant shake it because I'm afraid of not only losing someone I was devloping quite a close connection to, but also because I'm afraid of it happening to someone else who I develop something for. Probably one of the reasons why I've kept away from developing these sorts of things with people as that fear tends to come out around losing connections or something like the above happening.

Im starting to try and accept the fact that nothing will happen with this person, but its hard to do and i dont know how to just accept that it happened and grow/change. I tend to have a hard time opening up to people and talking (something im trying to work on.) That and allowing myself to be open and non-possesive of any relationship I have with people due to reptile brain. I do believe that people shouldnt be subject to that and be free to do as they please with open communication and feelings being talked about. But I dont know how to make these connections with acceptance and finally be the person I believe I am in regards to this area of my life. Something that will be discussed with my psychologist but at this point in time, its really throwing me in terms of my ability to deal with life at the moment, to the point where im not motivated to do normal things I enjoy. Atleast im slowly talking to people which is "helping" in a sense, but even that connection with friends is something I guess Ive cut out. Hopefully the next chat helps me better understand myself on Tuesday.

[HenryX]

Hello @EvergreenPeace 

Your post tells us a little about you and your situation. I think that most people, who are members of the forum, understand, even though there is assurance of anonymity, that it is difficult to say very much about ourselves when we first engage with others on the forum. So, the members here are very happy to help people joining the forum, to get to know their way around.

One question that comes to mind, as I read your post, is with regard to your opening statement. You say that you've “been very anxious and sad about my most recent lost friendship/relationship.” It seems to me that you might be referring to some type of pattern in the friendships and relationships that you have developed. Have you felt that other relationships, that you have had, have dissolved because of the trauma that you have experienced.

Another issue, that you appear to be grappling with, is your own attempts to deal with issues with which you now feel you may need assistance to handle. I believe that you are definitely not on your own in that regard. Many people on the forum would tell you that they did not want anyone else to know about the issues that they were facing at various times. This was before they realised that they could talk about their problems and receive assistance from someone qualified to provide that assistance.

You will also find on the forum descriptions that people have given about finding the right person or team to provide professional assistance. That means that those people have realised that it is definitely worth seeking someone, or a team, who match their needs, temperament, personality, etc. However, when people have found the right person or people, they have been aware of how much difference it makes. On the other hand, I recently decided to again seek assistance, for issues that I am facing, and have been very fortunate in finding someone, who I believe is meeting and matching my requirements, at 1st call. So, it is sometimes safe to say, that an initial contact can be successful.

I can certainly understand that sense of grief and loss, that accompanies a change or loss of friendship/relationship, that we hoped would be such as to allow us to express ourselves in a very special way. I phrase this in terms of ourselves, because often a relationship is seen as an avenue through which, by self expression, we hope that we will meet someone else's wishes and needs.

I have noticed some self-critical statements in your post. I do hope that, if you continue to offer and receive support and mutual nurturing through the forum, that you will find the interaction to be a source of satisfaction in the giving, and a source of supporting information and encouragement from other members of the forum, that you can anticipate receiving.

If you would like, while maintaining the anonymity of the forum, to give the forum members some idea of any diagnosed issues, I am certain that you will find people on the forum, who will be able to share with you, their “trials and tribulations", but more importantly, ideas of how they have addressed, dealt with, and, or compensated with and for the effects of their own illness or diagnosis.

You will be welcomed and assisted in whatever way people here can offer through this forum.

I look forward to speaking with you soon

With My Best Wishes

HenryX

P.S. When I rejoined the forum in February this year, I had a few difficulties negotiating the functions of the website. I cannot say that I am yet an expert, but I and many others on the forum will be pleased to assist with any questions that you might have.

Cheers, HenryX

[EvergreenPeace]

Its definitely a pattern when I reflect back on my past relationships, I think its definitely linked with my trauma. Its scaring me now because I thought it was something I was finally past. Previous to this past relationship, it lasted 6 years and ended in a way where we are still friends.

The forum is definitely helping as I continue on my journey, realising that I'm not alone in this.

Thanks for the reply 🙂

[HenryX]

Hello @EvergreenPeace

Thank you for your reply to my response in your thread,

“Re: Tough times ahead”.

When you are responding to another person's post or response, you can alert the other person, to your having posted the response, by adding their member address. You do this by clicking the @ symbol on your keyboard. The @ symbol causes a drop down menu to appear, which includes the Member Addresses of the other members connected with the thread.

Member name = EvergreenPeace , HenryX

Member address = @EvergreenPeace , @HenryX

The alert is given by a number next to the word “New”, near the top right of the forum page. When you click the word “New”, the “Your Notifications” page will appear. This page offers the basic details of messages by which other members have responded to your posts and responses. Simply click on the thread title, that then shows details regarding the message to which you intend replying.

You can subscribe to a thread by hovering your cursor over the words “Post Options”, at the top right of your posted response, and clicking the word “Subscribe”. By doing this you will be informed of all activity on that thread.

With Best Wishes,

@HenryX

[NatureLover]

Hi @EvergreenPeace , I'm impressed with your self-insight. I'm sorry you're feeling like you're not enjoying your regular activities though, or connecting with friends at the moment. It's good you have a psychologist to work things through with. 

Trauma really sucks...sending you best wishes for some healing.  

[frog]

Hi @EvergreenPeace just wanted to say welcome to the forum and I read your post.

Totally agree with @NatureLover you have a lot of insight. I'm sorry that you have suffered trauma. It's a long haul. For ages I didn't connect with people because previous experience was so bad. It's good you have a psychologist. It took me a long time to find a good one, but I have seen him for 6 years and it has really helped. Wishing you well.