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florenceforty
Senior Contributor

Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

I am just going to talk to you guys, so forgive me if this isn't very well organised. As I did with the Valentine's thread, if you read the bold parts, you'll get a nice summary of the content.

 

I have been planning to write this thread for a couple of months now, but I was pushed over the edge by a thread asking people how they got their usernames. My username is a tribute to Florence Welch, one of my absolute favourite artists and general human beings.

 

I have been known for a while on other sites by a similar name. Unfortunately, there's a character limit on SANE, so I had to change it!

 

In that comment, I also pre-empted this thread. In fact, I am just going to tag some people who supported my comment, implying that they wanted to read it.

 

@chibam 

@Appleblossom 

@Daisydreamer 

@BabyDragon 

@Bow 

 

Having a separate online identity has been lovely. I enjoy being a part of communities, and interacting with creators. People apparently like hearing what I have to say, which is deeply flattering. For example, I commented on Carson Wentz being traded to the Indianapolis Colts, and I didn't say anything funny or hugely surprising, but 143 people liked my take on it!

 

One interesting side-effect, though, is that people think my name is Florence.

 

This is especially weird because I follow a lot of pages on sport. I don't know if people find it unusual to see a woman in the comments section, making involved observations in the language and the detail that I do.

 

In fact, I am a guy. I am really sorry if anyone assumed I was a girl from my contributions here. I hope you don't feel lied to.

 

I actually don't mind the confusion so much. I was bullied for nine years, since kindy, and the people that were there for me most were female teachers and classmates. I can rattle off a list of like ten names.

 

I feel like I can probably relate to girls on an emotional level, more than I can guys. In other ways, not so much, but yeah.

 

This is a bit upsetting in real life. I feel and sometimes act like a Florence, but I don't look that way EVEN REMOTELY. Sometimes I'm self-conscious about it.

 

The idea of opening up to guys is kind of terrifying. Like, to the point where I am considering calling a crisis line, but I don't want to, because you can't choose who's on the other side. Probably because I'm not used to it.

 

I had a friend a couple of years ago, and she was lovely, but she was always kind of paranoid about the possibility that I could be attracted to her. A couple of people I talked to about it said "have you thought of making a male friend?" 

 

To begin with, I find the implication of that to be offensive. Besides, I don't know... for some reason, that makes me uncomfortable.

 

I feel a bit trapped by my body.

 

I remember I was walking down the street, and I was behind a woman who had just come out of the shopping centre. I was like forty metres away, but when she noticed I was there, she started walking faster, almost running away from me. She kept looking back to see whether I was gone.

 

Some women are genuinely scared of guys, and that makes me sad. No matter how I am inside, I can't change how I look. It makes me feel like I should just hide, for everyone's safety.

 

Especially because I want to be loved for once. I want to make someone smile when they see me, rather than run. It seems impossible, though, after so long being abandoned and alone. I seem loveable to you... you've read my words, but you haven't seen the way I look.

 

Thank you so much for reading. I really don't know how this thread is going to be received but... please be gentle? To be more ambitious, I hope you enjoyed it x.

 

Signed... Florence.

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

@florenceforty 

great post. FYI I have always read your posts with a male voice, funny that.

 

Florence is one of those names that for centuries was male before it suddenly became female, like Valery and Hillary. I am more into Florenz Ziegfeld than the one with the machine though.

 

It is saddening that girls grow up being just a tad frightened of a boy walking behind them. Very topical at the moment with women all over the world rising up against the fact that we are expected to constantly modify our choices to be safe instead of the people who make us unsafe modifying theirs.

 

I have never felt unsafe (only at home sometimes with Mr S which is a whole other kettle of worms), although I've always felt a bit gender neutral... it's never been much of a thing for me. I've been in love with both genders, I've been good friends with both genders, of varying orientations. I definitely identify as female and all of my long term partners have been male, but I'm very good at blokey things.

 

I've probably got more to say, but I'm at work.

 

xoxo

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

@florenceforty  Ohh florenceforty I thought you were a middle aged woman like myself Smiley Happy. Single and unloveable.  Maybe we should hook up?! I am joking Smiley Happy. A green pea and florence (I like her music too).  I am sure you are beautiful on the inside and out.  I think most people are pretty dopey most of the time (I prefer animals .... they are much nicer).  Be kind to yourself. We are all here for you. Love peax

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

Isn't it funny how we naturally perceive things in a certain way and perhaps have a gender-based filter/lens?

 

Ive noticed I have done this here on the forums. Went on for a long time with a certain gendered person in my mind, only to find out I was wrong! It does make you wonder about nature vs nurture.

 

 Thanks for the post @florenceforty !

 

Hi @greenpea @SJT63 

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

@BPDSurvivor  Hey BPDSurvivor did you think I was a woman of 50 something after talking with me?

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

Lol, honestly speaking, yes I think.

 

I remember you sharing your story about going out for that scary walk in the middle of the night. The way you described it conjured up the image of a 50ish yr old woman.

 

@greenpea 

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

@BPDSurvivor  I have always wondered if you were a man or woman. I have no idea. lolz

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

Hahaha. That's good that I have chosen a gender-neutral name!

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

Hi @florenceforty.

 


@florenceforty wrote:

I feel like I can probably relate to girls on an emotional level, more than I can guys. In other ways, not so much, but yeah.

 

This is a bit upsetting in real life. I feel and sometimes act like a Florence, but I don't look that way EVEN REMOTELY. Sometimes I'm self-conscious about it.

 

The idea of opening up to guys is kind of terrifying. Like, to the point where I am considering calling a crisis line, but I don't want to, because you can't choose who's on the other side. Probably because I'm not used to it.

 

I had a friend a couple of years ago, and she was lovely, but she was always kind of paranoid about the possibility that I could be attracted to her. A couple of people I talked to about it said "have you thought of making a male friend?" 

 

To begin with, I find the implication of that to be offensive. Besides, I don't know... for some reason, that makes me uncomfortable.


I can relate, to this, to an extent. I am definitely not attracted to guys, on any level. I'm not just talking about sexually.

 

A lot of heterosexual guys have a wife or girlfriend waiting back home, but they spend as much of the waking day as possible hanging out with other guys. Outside of their sexual interests, they largely prefer the company of men to women. That's not me.

 

When I used to get invited to large gatherings, I always gravitated towards women; even if I knew that there was no chance of a romantic relationship with them, e.g. if they were already spoken for. Women were always the most appealing company in the room.

 

Hell on earth for me is getting dragged off to a 'sausage party' - a gathering with no women whatsoever. Certainly, a large part of it is the disappointment that I'm not gonna meet my future Mrs. there, but I think a larger part of it is that I just really don't enjoy being around guys.

 


@florenceforty wrote:

Some women are genuinely scared of guys, and that makes me sad. 


Yeah, that is terrible. There's a definite fear culture being perpetuated around guys these days and, IMHO, that isn't right. Makes life so much more difficult for all of us, including straight women who are looking for meaningful companionship, but who are being hobbled by prejudices that are being repeatedly inflicted upon them and are seeping in to their subconciouses.

 

I know what that's like. My therapist worked very hard to install a rather ugly view of women in my brain and, despite my best efforts to block out her rubbish, to an extent, those prejudices took root in my mind and still afflict me to this day.

 


@florenceforty wrote:

No matter how I am inside, I can't change how I look. It makes me feel like I should just hide, for everyone's safety.

 

Especially because I want to be loved for once. I want to make someone smile when they see me, rather than run. It seems impossible, though, after so long being abandoned and alone. I seem loveable to you... you've read my words, but you haven't seen the way I look.


Very relatable. I haven't been able to look in a mirror for almost 6 years now.

 

I was told I wasn't bad looking in my youth, but now... looks are yet another hurdle I'll have to overcome if there's gonna be any hope...

 

TBH, a lot of the time I sort of zone out and forget that appearance is even a thing. But then every now and then there's a rude awakening. I wish appearance wasn't a thing. I wish that we all had some kind of visual V-chip implanted in our brains that photoshopped the people out of what we see and replaced them with generic manakins with their names floating above their heads or something. Enough visual cues to be able to tell one person from another, but with no capacity to form qualitative evaluations on those unique cues, you know?

 

I don't know. I guess it's only the losing players who wish the game didn't exist at all.

 


@florenceforty wrote:

Thank you so much for reading. I really don't know how this thread is going to be received but... please be gentle? To be more ambitious, I hope you enjoyed it x.

 

Signed... Florence.


Very enlightening, brave, and thought-provoking. Smiley Happy I'm glad you posted it!

Re: Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].

Sorry @florenceforty 

 

I missed your tag til now and just read your post. 

 

Glad that heaps responded though and great discussions followed.  To me, Identity seems more fluid than simple identity politics that is making a splash on youtubes ..etc.  I love that issues of gender, interests, idols, embodiment and light hearted humour all found a place in this thread.  Yay @greenpea @BPDSurvivor 

 

I am a bit like @SJT63 in that I am female, but have very open minded attitudes and in some ways am a little blokey too.

 

@chibam I had difficulties looking in mirror for a while for lots reasons, not sure what I was supposed to be or to see, as it is often suggested as a gold standard of self awareness.  It has been good that I do a lot of physio exercises in front of mirror simplky for balance and to see my arms are level.  It is helped that I had a different specific purpolse and a lot of my self consciousness droppped away.  I forgot I was looking at me!

 

Take Care All

Apple

 

 

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