Lived Experience Forum

[Stargazer666]

Feeling like a failure, single mum to two kids. Struggling financially due to non payment of child support, it's my sons 10th birthday tomorrow and I can't buy him anything. 
I texted my mum a few days ago explaining I was really struggling but she didn't reply to me. (I'm stressing her out, she says she too old for this etc)
I recently moved from Sydney to a more regional area with my family though we don't live together. I haven't fit in well with the other mothers so I have no close friends here. I would just like to talk to someone.

[CheerBear]

Hi @Stargazer666 and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment. Feeling like a failure is a really sucky feeling 🙁 I'm also sorry to hear your mum isn't being very responsive or supportive. It's hard to reach out at times and for it to not be helpful can make it even harder. A recent move to somewhere you're struggling to fit in to would be adding to how difficult it is for you.

I'm a single mum also and it gets so difficult sometimes. I find guilt can really eat at me and it can be easy to feel like I'm failing under the pressure of it all.

Is the separation from your kids father recent?

I find it helpful to be here connecting with other people. There are lots of parents (single parents also) here on the forum to talk with. It can help with the feelings of isolation.

I'm about to head out for a while but I'll tag a few others who are often around and who might come by and say hi @eth, @Shaz51, @outlander, @Former-Member, @greenpea.

Looking forward to seeing you around.

[outlander]

hi @Stargazer666 and welcome

im not a parent but can understand the struggles as im like a second mum to my siblings. I can imagine it would be very hard to not be able to buy anything for your son.

can I ask if you are able to get any payments at all from centrelink like a parenting payment? im not to familiar with how child support works but maybe you could get both payments?

im here and listening though anytime you need. Please also feel free to have a look around the forums and join in wherever you like, we have many threads besides the tougher ones as well such as parenting, gardening, arts and crafts, social chat threads such as 'good morning' and lots more that might interest you.
also a little forum tip is to put an @ before a members name that way itll that them for you so they receive a notification.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Stargazer666 

I'm glad you have found us - and have reached out to us - and I would like to welcome you to the forum family

You are not a failure because other people are letting you down - your former partner/husband whomever is letting you down by not paying child-support - and as @outlander  suggested - Centrelink does support single parents - 

And it's reallly hard being a single-parent - the first time I separated from my ex-h I went back to my ex because my daughter wanted to and for a pretty neat little kid those months she was a champion whiner and that can really wear anyone down. I did seperate successfully later and it was among the best things I did but I also know it's not easy

When it comes to your mother - maybe for her it is too old to manage your trouble - the reality is that she could do better but maybe thinks she can't - that is so hard for you - and I have had something similar with my own family and it's hard to take. But if they are giving their best then it's not our failure - it's their limitation and I am sorry about that because we imagine our parents would help - I did anyway

It's hard fitting in - with new people - in new places - any in a regional area it has to be harder - and being a single mother - harder stil - 

I hear you - many people here will too - and for on-line company you can access the Social Spaces here too - and join in the conversations - you will be accepted here

Dec

[Tortoiseshell]

Hey @Stargazer666, 

Welcome to the forums. I'm one of the moderators. I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling with financial hardship while raising two kids. That sounds incredibly stressful and isolating, so I'm really glad you're reaching out for some connection here, 

It's so fantastic people are jumping in and sharing their experiences. For other members please remember it's important to speak from our own experiences rather than assuming we know what's happening for someone else in a situation, even if it resonates really closely with what we've been through. 

Take care everyone,

Tortoiseshell 

[Stargazer666]

Thanks so much for all the replies. I have been separated from the father of the children for almost two years. He lives back in Sydney where I used to be from so the help he can give me is limited because I’m around a 3 hour drive away. I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for 6 months but my family doesn’t approve and says I’m neglecting my children when I leave them with them or the father for a night or two. It’s hard not to be jealous of my sister, my parents have just built her a granny flat out the back of their place, she doesn’t have to pay for food, bills or anything. I’m on Centrelink payments but around 75% of my payment goes straight to rent. Both my kids have autism so it can be really full on sometimes but my family just don’t seem to understand that.