Jess O'Garr (spelling??) has been mentioned to me some time ago. It may have been you, Meg, who did so. Since I am not sure, despite trying to track down the reference, I will offer the connection to these videos.
I just watched this youtube video that I think may be of interest for you as it is for me:
Super interesting and very well presented, thank you. I first heard about schema therapy in 2006 when J. Young was at a symposium in Freiburg, Germany. Back then, I didn‘t really get the gist of the approach. Now after watching your video I think I do, and I definitely want to learn more about it. Thank you
Thank you Jess for this great detailed video. Question: how does one differentiate between Punitive Parent and gut instinct voice? i.e: courage to do something you believe in yourself to do but a voice tries to stop you from moving forward. How to identify that is gut instinct vs punitive parent? Thank you and greetings from Switzerland
I had already seen Jess O'Garr's videos on YouTube. I found them whilst waiting for my psychology sessions to restart. I love her presenting style as she makes it all very easy to understand. The difficulty I had with my psych was coming up with examples from my life as to how they related to me. I know that they do relate to me but I was having a difficulty in expressing myself so much so that I completely shut down and couldnt think at all. Now I wonder if I CAN do this therapy or not. I want to do it but I don't think that I can. See the difference there?
Also am a little worried that I might be 'talking' too much and overloading. If you feel uncomfortable, please let me know.
So, yes, my memory of the suggestion re Jess O'Garr's presentations was right. So, thank you for that.
Regarding your response to questions in therapy, I wrote the following on the "Living with Ourselves" thread. I have not included the member names here on this thread. You may connect with some of what I wrote:
"Reading through recent posts, by many of you, I have seen correlations and, on seeing the connections with those in my life, I tighten up, notice my breathing becoming shorter and more shallow, a tightness in the chest, and feel myself trying to avoid the feelings that arise. Those feelings are similar to the feelings associated with being trapped or confined in some way. The feeling of wanting to run away, of trying to disassociate myself from those feelings. And yet it is my understanding that it is through facing, acknowledging, and expressing those feelings that some resolution takes place. Seemingly, the purpose of therapy.
I appreciate the opportunity, made available by your open statements and disclosures of your own experiences, to allow me to explore my own. There is, I believe, a difference between the clinical exploration of such experiences, in therapy, and the associated feelings and expressions of emotion, derived from connections with the stories and experiences of another person or people.
Thank you all for that opportunity."
Those feelings of "shutting down", "locking up", "going blank" are all self-protective, but maladaptive ways of dealing with our memories and the feelings that derive from them. I have the same difficulty. When that occurs, something else happens; because those memories are not out in the open, or I have difficulty retrieving them, I start questioning the purpose for which I am seeking assistance in dealing with those issues, that appear to be non-existent. I start trying to fact-check myself and thus start questioning myself in another (maladaptive) way. Even resorting to the internal name calling.
Do you think that you can relate to what I have written?
I guess I do feel trapped at the moment and unable to run away at the same time. It's not a very nice feeling to have. However you make it sound as if therapy is the answer to my trapped feelings. I am not so sure. I do relate to everything that you are saying but I just feel so stuck. No way forward and no way back if that makes any sense. Just terrifying quicksand beneath my feet.
I connect with everything that you have said. Feeling trapped and quicksand beneath the feet. Absolutely.
If it were just me, I might easily give in at this stage. However, it is not just me. As you are aware of the children, it is for them that I, even at this stage of life, still want to be able to improve my capacity to share and contribute, not necessarily in material ways, but in the association we may be able to develop. D1 seems to feel comfortable with me, hopefully, that feeling may extend, with some work on my part to my other children.
Today, is one that I have found to be quite challenging. At 9.30am, I joined four other people for Bible study. Parables was the topic today.
During that time, and over the past twelve months, probably two years, since Mum passed away, I have been seeking (some) answers. I don't think that I even know the questions, yet I have been looking for answers.
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I came back to the computer, and the forum. There has developed, for me, a sense of companionship derived from my association with other members of the forum. At times, it has been difficult to know just how my observations and comments, in my posts, have been received. For the most part, however, while there have been some well considered challenges to the thoughts that I have offered, I consider that I have generally received positive and supportive affirmation, that I have very much appreciated.
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I can say that the interaction, that I have had with you, Meg, has been appreciated as friend to friend, for which I thank you most sincerely.
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Feeling somewhat overwhelmed, I went to rest. A restless type of rest.
On coming back to the computer, I watched Jess O'Garr's presentation, “Understanding Schema Therapy and schema modes, interview” with Dr Al Griskaitis. Jess O'Garr & Dr Al Griskaitis The modes seemed to make better sense to me with the semi- “role play” that they presented. I offered a response to a comment, following the presentation, that you may, if you look, be able to identify as my style.
(Though it does not identify me - added for compliance with forum guidelines).
After that video, I checked out a few others. The underlying sense of unease, that I had been feeling through the day, did not lift.
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A video, that I thought would offer me some insight, came up. It does not portray this fellows life in a way that parallels my own, but there are certainly some messages that I could adopt and apply to a self-analysis of my life. Forest Hermit to Professor. While I am a good deal older, I am starting from a base that is further advanced. I need to learn to be at peace with myself.
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One of the characteristics of my life, that is evident now, is that I have become a hoarder. Collecting things around me that act as both defence and barrier against the “outside”, and a way of securing and acquiring things, I have thought or believed, that I may need in the future. However, I have also become aware that many of these items are a “millstone”, as it were.
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Tomorrow I intend beginning the process of improving the place in which I live, and reducing and rationalising possessions down to what I really need. From there, it is a matter of preparing a plan for the future.
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I can, if I choose, remain stuck by the events in my life, both internally and externally imposed, good and bad, or deal with my present and deal with the past, as the opportunities arise. I do believe that “the PSYCH collective" presentation by Jess O'Garr will help me along that path.
I am sorry that today has been a difficult day for you but it seems that you have found some positives. If it helps you to donate things then do that. At least that way you will get the satisfaction of knowing that someone else is making use of your saved items. Grab a trash bag and everyday do a 27 fling boogie. Look for 27 pieces of rubbish to throw away. This is really easy and gives a sense of satisfaction afterwards. I am sorry that you are afflicted with the disease of hoarding. My dear Sister in Law has the same issue so I can relate as to how difficult it is to live surrounded by stuff. I need to declutter as well but I wouldn't say that I am a hoarder. I tend to keep things that are sentimental but I guess 71 years of sentimental stuff probably adds up. Good on you for making the decision to tidy up that's a big move in itself. The journey won't be an easy one but it will be worth it. Good luck!!!
A relatively quiet day today. I did make a start on the work that I need to do. Thank you for your support and suggestion yesterday. It does make it easier to begin when the target is more reachable. So I have started with a few more than the 27, but still a fair way to go. I mixed that work with some more reflection on schema therapy, which is becoming ever more clear in my head. My next appointment is next Tuesday, so want to improve my preparedness for then.
