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Welcome & getting started

afterhours
Senior Contributor

So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

Dear Paulette , I hope your day has begun well and that things turn out positively  for you. I wish you optimism and contentment . My thoughts go out to you.
I’ve obviously been messing up
the technology again and I’ m confused about which particular “forum” I should be on . I think I’m still posting to the Welcome new members site.   Should I be here?
i truly will stop after this repeat  and I apologise for so many words and repeats………
 
I added a bit to this but I won’t keep on being so egotistical . Just really hoping so much for understanding and companionship…………… I’ve decided to post this to more clearly explain my situation but I quite understand if it’s too long to be acceptable.  I will not write so much in future.   Re the info from the Team , I’ve certainly had crises , lots of pills and psychiatric treatment throughout my life,  for severe depression and anxiety. Some very bad times.  A “breakdown”  , some months off work at one stage long ago.   BUT that was all when I was much younger.   I learnt to ACT more ,  display   a coping ‘persona’     — and to shut myself away at times.   One of the few helpful things psychiatry has done for me  ,is to help me stop feeling as if I’m a totally dishonest FRAUD , just acting a part.    I can now accept that both the inadequate and the successful sides of my being are equally honest and valid.   Mind you,  this is not of any interest to the outside world.….. and definitely best not mentioned.   I remain a very inadequate,  fearful person who has managed to force myself to achieve a few things and spent a lot of energy trying to hide my fear.  ive been an incomplete, immature sort of human  but have been lucky enough to experience some positive aspects of life. Nothing has“fixed” me but it hasn’t all been bad. I’ve achieved a bit, had some nice experiences and some good friends.  But most of it has just been such HARD work —- trying to be ‘good enough’ — and  keeping up the ‘coping’ face for the outside world.   Always feeling as if other people know HOW to live  - but I do not!!    Some secret that others have-  but I have never managed to find.   And  dominated always by  FEAR that must be hidden.   Diminishing to all relationships. A dominating wish for me now is that children do NOT  grow up to be like me.   May the whole of society find the way to develop RESILIENCE in all children,  whatever their inherited traits,  and to provide thoughtful , tailored support when it is needed, so that they can grow into well-rounded, resilient, mature, happy adults.   In my case, the mental state has become  worse with retirement from an absorbing  career , increasing health issues ,and isolation.  I now often fear that I just can’t carry on.   It’s just all too exhausting.   It’s not possible to explain myself to friends or relatives and I don’t want to alienate them more by burdening them with my meanderings  when they all have their own lives and their own issues.   Talking to professionals isn’t really the answer because they are not there when one is feeling worst. I’ve been told so often that I sound really good when that is not how things have been at all!!!  I never seem to be able to explain the debilitating reality of the darkest times. It’s as if I somehow have to rise to the occasion and put on a positive face to please the other person. They never know the truth.   I realise I have an immature need to be LOVED and needed —-and a forum won’t give me that,  but just being able to feel “connected” in the moment, for a little while  , for just a FEW words, I think would really help me in my remaining years.   Much of the time I feel so LONELY  it’s like physical nausea in my stomach. I hope I am suitable to be a member. Maybe someone could point me in the direction of learning to be more STOIC  and mature. 
6 REPLIES 6

Re: So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

Hi @afterhours 

 

I just wanted to let you know I'd like to provide some assistance with navigating the forums, so I'll be reaching out over e-mail! 😊

Re: So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

Reply to underthebee: (2)
I just need to know PLEASE which is the most appropriate FORUM for me to be on. I desperately need to keep it very simple at this stage.
I have trouble already finding where my posts are……. how to find anything really,
I really need for it to be as SIMPLE as possible please — i might miss out on a bit at this stage but I would hope to still meet people that I can think of as (online) but genuine friends. Hopefully my tech skills will improve.
Thank you
keepingface

Re: So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

Hi @afterhours ,

 

You can click on your notifications. It looks like this:

 

Screen Shot 2022-09-29 at 7.14.08 pm.png

Click on 'New'

 

I hope this helps,

tyme

Re: So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

FINAL Addition in reply to offer of help from
underthebee

3. Sorry to be a pest but I really want
to do this properly—-
With all my ridiculous confusion about the different forums and my lack of IT skills—— is it better for me to just stay on ONE forum only??

Will it be even more confusing if I just stay on the “ Welcome and Getting Started “ forum — although soon I won’t be “new” any more?
PLEASE advise me.
Thank you,
keepingface





Dear underthebee
This is (2) an addition to my reply to you earlier re your offer to help me navigate the forums more smoothly.
At present , much of the time I do not know who is talking to whom, whether I have replied to the right person or if they are speaking to me.
At this early stage, I think it might be better if I only tried to access a limited range of forum members - even if I miss out on a few good friends initially.
Which is the best Forum site for me to be on at present please?
I hope I’m sending this to the right place.
Thanks for your offer of help
Yours sincerely
keepingface

Re: So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

@underthebee
FINAL Addition in reply to offer of help from
underthebee

3. Sorry to be a pest but I really want
to do this properly—-
With all my ridiculous confusion about the different forums and my lack of IT skills—— is it better for me to just stay on ONE forum only??

Will it be even more confusing if I just stay on the “ Welcome and Getting Started “ forum — although soon I won’t be “new” any more?
PLEASE advise me.
Thank you,
keepingface





Dear underthebee
This is (2) an addition to my reply to you earlier re your offer to help me navigate the forums more smoothly.
At present , much of the time I do not know who is talking to whom, whether I have replied to the right person or if they are speaking to me.
At this early stage, I think it might be better if I only tried to access a limited range of forum members - even if I miss out on a few good friends initially.
Which is the best Forum site for me to be on at present please?
I hope I’m sending this to the right place.
Thanks for your offer of help
Yours sincerely
keepingface


Re: So lonely, inadequate, need to learn Stoicusm

Hi @afterhours

 

Glad to see you about on here, after all the confusion. I thought I'd pop in and welcome you, and try to answer some of your questions! 😊

 

First off the bat, I'd like to just gently remind you that the forums are an anonymous space. We've edited your post to remove your email address, and ask that you refrain from posting any other identifying information in the future. Don't worry, a lot of newbies struggle with stuff like that, and it might be worth familiarising yourself with our Community Guidelines if you're ever unsure on what you can and can't post 👍

 

Secondly, it is up to you as to how 'widely' you wish to post. The forums are organised into different discussion boards - for instance, right now we are in the Welcome and Getting Started discussion board. It's a good place to come and introduce yourself, and start to get used to posting. You can also see what other newbies are posting; feel free to respond to any post by hitting the 'reply' button. In each board are a number of different posts, also called discussions, and each post will have a series of replies, referred to as a thread. 

 

You can stick around this board for as long as you like. You can also visit other areas of the forums to start reading - there's never any pressure to post if you don't feel ready. You might also be interested in checking out our Social Spaces if you'd like to connect with others, or you can also check out the Somethings Not Right board if you're looking for support. Take your time, it's a big place! Our members are very friendly and welcoming too, so feel free to ask any questions along the way - we've all been new at some point!

 

If you'd like the person you are replying to to receive a notification about your response, we use tagging. As you can see above, I have tagged you in this post by using the @ symbol. When you type @, a dropdown menu will appear with a list of the members who have most recently posted in the thread. You can select from this menu, or keep typing out their username until they appear in the menu so you can select them. Once they're selected, the tag will appear blue in your text box. This is also a way that you can ask for extra support if needed, by typing out and tagging the @moderator

 

Finally, here's a little handy guide full of Tips & Tricks you can refer back to as well. I hope I haven't overloaded you with too much info with this post, please feel free to ask any questions if you need clarity! Glad to have you on board 💜

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