It is so hard when families are struggling to know the best thing to do .. to be available, in contact, or when that it will be seen as meddling. In the end I guess we all wing it.
Realising that mother had been diagnosed was tricky as she was very angry that I had even tried to find my file. I dont think she ever forave me for finding out as she tried to set it up that everything was my father's fault .. but I always knew that was not true as I had 2 good years with him before he died. It was sad as she did do well, but its probably not a sign of mental health to forbid discussion about life and death issues becasue she was uncomfortable ... that never changed and she held a rigid cast iron wall up to defend herself. I never wanted to attack her just come to terms with all the confusions in my childhood. In the end I was forced to collude with her delusions and mostly kept to topics that she liked. In the end the only time she admitted any discussion of her or our institutionalisation was in her last year of life. About 10 minutes in 2 discussions. It was not really enough for sane living and my sibs death is strong indicator. of that. So I kept to music topics .. which is a great thing, but not if it is used to cover serious MI problems.
I survived cos I watched others and tried to learn myself. Eg., the fact that I was good at making beds (hospital style in orphanages) was threatening to her and made her angry at me.
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