Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

[Spirit1]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for sharing. I’m not feeling so alone.  I am the main carer for my brother and wanted to see if anyone had any ideas or ways to show that l am there for him as he is rejecting any help and is very closed.

[Shaz51]

I like the idea of the pros and cons list @Shaz51 with Mr shaz 👏 ha ha yes @Former-Member , @Former-Member 

mr shaz was starting and stopping his meds and his attitude was totally crazy so I sat down with mr shaz and we worked on which was better -- to take his meds or not to take his meds

and I reminded him that i take meds everyday for my physical problems ,

[Former-Member]

Yeah sitting with the discomfort of not doing anything, can be really challenging. It can cause lots of angst but sometimes it's weighing up the different feelings you have. Sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[outlander]

finding balance is really hard @Shaz51

hi @Spirit1 and welcome.
I hope youll stay after this chat too. if you put an @ before a members name itll tag them for you so they receive a notification

[Former-Member]

Great insights and awareness being shared here all - so valuable! Thanks @Former-Member - lets kick on to the next question. 

It might be nice if we could build a bit of a ‘toolbox’ together. Whether you are caring for someone or are concerned about someone, what are some strategies you currently use that have helped you or your loved one from time to time?

[Shaz51]

Sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.--- @Former-Member  that is what my mr shaz tells me all the time

[Shaz51]

Sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.--- @Former-Member  that is what my mr shaz tells me all the time

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member Yes, as self-care I'm trying to get used to the idea of turning the phone off (sometimes), without feeling guilty.

You see, if I am unable to take Mum's phone call immediately (when she phones) - she becomes very angry sometimes, & she tells me off the next time I speak to her.

I am 50 y.o - I've done many years of therapy & working on myself - to try to heal & overcome my traumatic childhood (& young adulthood).

Adge

[Teej]

It was quite complex @Former-Member . I started to see patterns over about a 9month period when id ask him about therapy or how he was feeling about something. There would always be an excuse. It ended up with him gaslighting me that it was my mental health. It took something drastic (me ending up in a psych ward) to realise that he only saw his counsellor to appease me. It took me lots of therapy to understand the dynamics of it all including understanding the gaslighting and other things. 

[Former-Member]

@Spirit1 This sounds tough and I imagine when your brother is so closed, it can inform how you act around him, a bit like the tip toeing on egg shells feeling. It's important to stay true to yourself and just keeping showing your love but it is okay to sometimes say how your feeling too.

[Former-Member]

Welcome @Spirit1 - so glad you have joined us tonight. Good timing as we have just started talking about strategies for ourselves or loved ones that people have found have helped. Part of this can include - how do we show our loved one we are there for them- lets see what the community here can share with you on that too!