Over the past few weeks, on FB, I have been told to leave my family, to stop speaking to or excluding wither my, Mum, Dad or sister.
There are a lot of reasons why I cant or wouldnt. Firstly, I love them dearly. They arent perfect by a long shot but neither am I.
My parents found me when I left home a drunken, drugged up mess. They brought me home and went through the process of getting me off everything themselves. They dealt with the anger, the outbursts, etc. Now I will say oddly they decided to celebrate my birthday with a great deal of alcohol, including for me, though I didnt drink much, but Mum got beyond shitfaced.
My Sister has got me though more crap than you can imagine. Again alcohol, she saw me through rehab, being at home still kinda messed up and the actual period of drinking when everyone else abandoned me.
They have all in their way, not ideally, helped me through my MH issues and subsequent money issues.
My Dad does not get MH in anyway shape or form, he has said some dumb and incredibly hurtful things about MH but he has saved me financially more times than I can imagine. If it wasnt for him I would be untreated medically and mentally, not to mention the money I spent hypomanic. He bailed me out over and over. If it wernt for him I would be bankrupt and homeless.
My Mum suffers from depression but refuses to see a psychiatrist for anything more. Her attitude towards MH is to ignore it or the diagnosis is always wrong. That some how you should push through it. Again she is hurtful and insensitive. She also has an acquired brain injury which made her a different person. She needs care, she has a tendancy to colasp (heart failure), she cant wake herself, she doesnt leave her room and so on. Its frustrating often than not because doing the stuff her doctors have said she would be better than she is.
My sister is new to MH, I mean she has experience but not to the extent she is dealing with now. She, like Mum was a push through it kinda attitude but I think that will change. She has seen me through to much crap, she will help financially, listen to me etc. she protects me. While I am struggling with it I feel its my turn to do the same for her, not out of obligation though, its a weird position but I know she loves me and I love her and out of nessecity we have become close. Mum and Dad have their ways and we deal with them together.
Everyone in my family is disabled with serious illness etc. My Dad for example has Stage 4 non- Hodgkins Lymphoma. My sister is complex, she has a spinal cord stimulator amongst other things. Ive said about Mum. I have numerous issues both mental and physical. So mostly we rely on each other to get through each day. Each of us, less so Mum, have roles to play day to day.
So while agree there is significant toxicity, some is due to a new diagnosis, some due to a new personality, some is because of being stuck in the past and some is because Ive been a screw up. We all stuggle with something but leaving family should be the last resort not the first. That goes for friends too. Be careful telling someone to just leave, its not something to be said lightly.
