Really struggling at the moment supporting my wife through her mental health struggles over the past year or so. There has been a few hospital stays and plenty of suicide talk.
She is getting professional help and some days are better and then other days are like back at square one. Most days it feels like all the pressure is on me to keep the household running and caring after the kids etc etc.
I know she can't help what she is going through and I tell her that all the time, it just feels like sometimes she doesn't want to get better? In her words 'what happened is so bad, no one else has ever gone through something like this, the only answer is me dying.
I tell her that I understand but one day you won't feel this way anymore and you will be happy again. It's taken over our lives and most days I feel like that's all we talk about and I'm just talking her down from suicide each day.
She just says I don't understand because I haven't gone through it and no one else ever will understand. And I get that I'm not going through it. But what else do I say?
I guess I'm just venting in a way and hoping for some tips/experience? Does it really ever get better? She deserves to be happy again and love life like she used to, and I want that for her. I tell her I believe it but some days I'm not so sure anymore
That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I use to rely heavily on others to essentially will me to live, to provide that external validation that life is worth living. The truth is that it was never enough, because I needed it to come from myself. It can, does and will get better. I know having been in dark places myself in the past how difficult it is to claw your way back to the light, but it starts with baby steps. Setting a tiny goal, meeting that and once that one has been mastered adding another tiny goal and working to meet that and so on. Good on you for coming here to get support for yourself and having a vent, self care is so important in these situations.
Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling and of the mental health struggles of your wife. Well done on reaching out... taking that step can be the hardest one.
You mentioned that you are feeling a lot of pressure not just in caring for your wife, but also in household duties and looking after your kids. Are there any supports that you have that might be able to help with this - family, friends etc? Or are you able to get help with some of this from professionals - cleaner, someone to make meals, child/after school care etc? This might take some of that pressure away from you?
Can you get any guidance from her treating team as to how to help her get through it to get back to that more stable place in life?
I think when you are going through what you are its natural to question if it will get better. It will! It will take time and support and it may not be the same as it once was, but the bad days will become further apart.
It sounds like you really love your wife and you are being so supportive for her and your family. Are you taking time for yourself to look after you? Its important that you don't loose sight of yourself in all this too.
@Term welcome to the forum! I am so glad you found it. I am so sorry you and your family ate going through this. I sit next to you in understanding and support. I am the support person for my husband who was diagnosed with complex ptsd one year ago.
My days are like yours. Somedays things feel better and like he is taking steps forward but most days it feels like 2 steps back.
I have come to accept that he will never again be the man I married but that hopefully he can become better.
What I can say though is that by having my own therapy I am able to cope better being there for him, for my kids and for myself.
It is not easy.
I hope you find help for yourself and remember this forum is a great support network.
I have been searching for the right words to answer your question. I support my wife (Approaching 25 years) who lives with BPD, There was a season where I daily asked myself the same questions you are asking, When I was convinced my darling would not 'see the other side' of her crisis.
While things are a long way from ideal, we are a long way from where we were.
The key is to look after yourself. (Talking to and reminding myself as I am typing this). Look after your emotional and physical health, Gentle but firm and consistent boundaries for your wife.
Ensure she gets the care and support she needs. No guarantees but things can defiantly get better.
When I look back over journals I kept during an extended crisis I see just how far we have come.
