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Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

Re: Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

Hi  there   @TideisTurning    Perfectionism.    O K    you've got my cogs spinning again.

I suspect you have to be competitive,   have goals and ambitions and a sense of pride 

and purpose first,  too be at risk of this affliction.  My condition spares me from the above

gates that can let the,  "perfectionism"   horse wonder in.  So   I'm at a bit of a dis advantage here,   but ,   Its  home work.  and keeps my hands out of the fridge.  Thanks  for invite.

 

I was never competitive.  I have my farm and helped my cousin into a house without the ability  to feel the things you speak of. .   See ,    the only business I was ever any good at was,  not spending.  No  I phones,  cruises,  only working holidays.  nothing.    But I do see how neighbours look at what I have, and feel   "threatened"   Am I the cause of them feeling inadequacies.  Does perfectionism hold hands with feeling inadequate.

 

I look closely at animals.  You learn a lot from them.  If  students were made to study animal behaviour,  specially in packs,   then crowded packs,  It may stop them over thinking all the hundreds of mental health condition that seem so abundant in this crowded experiment we have put humans into.   

 

Its why I believe in Quota systems for workplace and politics.  I have seen what one animal can do to another.   I know no one likes hearing this every time I say it,

But ,  we are animals,   and in total ware fare ,  be it the work place the suburbs or the the battle field.  when it comes to  competition,  we are capable of way worse than animals.

 

No wonder people feel all the pressure and threats.   

 

Can we truly rise above our instincts,  and I dont mean wear  clothes and make donations.

We will see when things actually  . . . really start to run out. . .

 

tonys moon base 1 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Re: Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

Hey @tonys

That's a great point about the link between feelings of inadequacy and perfectionism. It hadn't occurred to me before, but it makes a whole heap of sense, and I'd say there is likely a big correlation there! Especially when you consider that inherent in perfectionism (at least from my own understanding and experience), is comparison and comparing yourself to others. Because, how does one define 'perfect'? Perhaps by the appearances or perceptions of others' supposed 'perfections' as you've described. Kinda reminds me of that adage nowadays of the tendency with social media to compare our bloopers reel to others' highlights reel, which often leads to feelings of inadequacy as a result of comparison to another's apparent/ perceived perfection. Which then begs the question for me, what actually is 'perfect'? And, can it really be defined?

Re: Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

I  can't figure whether your a teacher ,   a  lawyer,   or a cop. . .   All 3  are  trained to tease out 

the substance of the matter,  and there's some training showing through.  I bet you've done some damn fine teaching in your time.

Any way..    as you know ,  Its very hard for me to think on this plain,  and as my phycologist said a few weeks ago.   I default to black and white thinking.   So Its much appreciated that you are  "working"   me.

What is perfection you ask.   Your not going to like this.     I think perfection ,  is that which emerges as a clear winner in the billion year competition of evolution.

 

What was not perfect.  failed to adapt to change,  reproduce,  and succeed.  The animals on my farm identify the week,   and wont mate with them.    

I dont want to chew up pages so Please ,  please ,  forgive my bluntness,  Your smart so you get this is just observation evidence. It is a fact that on average people with certain   facial geometrics,  hight,  looks  etc.  are more likely to be promoted ,  be successful, 

More than  51%   of the population thinks this way and thats all it takes to,  over time inflence

statistics.

Go to a bar.   tall sportsmen will attract,  more attention than the 4 ft 6   fat bald guy with an IQ of  99.   Yes people will quote me all sorts of examples.   but I did say ,  on average.

Chopper reed used to average  20,000,  In gaol ,   letters a year from females seeking an alpha dominant strong tall male.

A good honest phycologist said to me once,   Life Is not Fair,   never will be,  Worth every cent I paid her.

 

To get the right answers we must ask the right questions.  Why Is it so hard for people in the work place to surrender power.  Why do C E O s and governments,   not work overtime to ensure its totally impossible for someone to feel inadequate.   

Competition. .    It's inherent.  Thats why the labour party had to have quota's.   It the only way they could beat back pure animal instinct. 

So   Its cruel and hard to accept,   but,  .  life is not fair,   We are animals only kept appart by RULES  and punishments. .

that  barely keep us from eating each other alive ,  in workplaces, traffic lanes,  and domestic violent homes,    And the sooner we come to terms with this,  the sooner we will learn to take what what we were given in the lottery of life,  or not given.   and  some how mentally   digest it.

 

Nature.    animals.     instincts,   pack mentality,   competition within species, 

and with other

species.   Make it more complex than this and I think we are expecting too much.

 

8 billion  one hundred thousand and counting.  .  . 

 

    Thankyou for your patience and helping me to start thinking about life beyond the farm again.    Take care of yourself  @TideisTurning   and others on the thread,

 

tonys  moonbase 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

That is a really interesting theory @TideisTurning and actually makes a lot of sense. I heard someone say once that `imposter syndrome' was as case of `fake it til you make it'.

I would imagine if someone is a perfectionist they may always feel like `imposter syndrome' is lurking because I think perfection is something a perfectionist is always aspiring to but never really feels like they have attained it. 

Re: Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

Hi @tonys,

Firstly, thank you for the compliment. I’m glad I’ve been able to help prompt and challenge you to expand your thinking. 😊

 

The evolutionary angle isn't one that occurred to me either, but again it makes sense. I also like your point about life generally not being necessarily ‘fair’. From these two points, it seems to me that perfectionism may be something that one strives for. I feel like the link between perfectionism and impostor syndrome can feed into this as well, because as you've mentioned @FloatingFeather, perfectionism can be something of an aspirational goal that someone can be striving towards, and it seems the definition changes, so just when you think you've attained perfectionism it has a new or updated definition and you’re still not quite there yet. A super frustrating cycle! 

 

 

Re: Peer Group Chat // The Place of Perfectionism // Thursday 30th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

Hi All, 

As another potential illustration of imposter syndrome, and potentially perfectionism, you might like to check out Lewis Capaldi's recent documentary (trailer here) and his song of the same name (which has been on heavy rotation for me for a little while). The documentary particularly touches on themes of anxiety and imposter syndrome among other things. One thing I got out of the documentary, among other things, is that someone as successful as Lewis Capaldi, struggles with anxiety and imposter syndrome, so I thought I'd mention both here in case it was of interest to anyone from that perspective particularly, though be warned, both the song and documentary contain a bit of swearing and explore mental health related themes that may be triggering for some. Tagging those who've interacted with this thread and/or the 'learning to live with anxiety' thread just in case 😊  @FloatingFeather @tonys @hanami @Shaz51 @Snowie @Captain24 @Appleblossom @CatMom 

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