Lived Experience Forum

[AnonymousEmpath]

I’m not coping well today., The SH and Suicidal ideation and urges has intensified… I don’t I can hold it off much longer… all I can think of is how to end my own life., the constant vivid imagery of ways and how’s to do it as well the real like feeling of when I do it is very real to me… I honestly don’t care what happens to me coz no one does anyways so why bother when no else bothers anyways… I hate feeling like this but it’s my reality day in and day out., how can I keep myself facade from myself … I guess this is the bitter pill I gotta take…

[Historylover]

Walking a similar path, @AnonymousEmpath. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just needed to let you know that you are not alone. 

[Acacia]

Hi @AnonymousEmpath, I'm really sorry to hear how hard things are right now. It sounds like it is taking a lot of strength to hold off from those thoughts and plans right now.

I'm really concerned about you @AnonymousEmpath. It's really important to talk to someone if you're struggling to hold off from those thoughts. The following services are available for exactly that:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000 

I'm going to send you an email as well, so please check your inbox and reply so we can talk about how to keep you safe for now.

Thinking of you and sending you hugs if you want them 💜

[Kyle1]

@AnonymousEmpath @Historylover 

I think I can relate. I've been wondering about ways to die 'beautifully'?

If there is such a thing...

[Kyle1]

@AnonymousEmpath  

I wake up that way these days. I don't like to, but I do.

It hurts. 

Can I ask: besides ideation etc, what's been the curve ball? Is it BPD, or something more?

[rockypug]

Hi @AnonymousEmpath 

I'm Rockypug one of the moderatos here this morning,

I am sending you a private email.

[Kyle1]

@AnonymousEmpath 

am sorry to hear that. 

I have no knowledge or experience of BPD. No insight to share with you there, unfortunately.

I'm feeling you, though. 

The native Americans believe that when we die we take our mind with us. Not our decision making mind, but our mind bank. 

Imagine if they're right about that... it would mean that even in eternal sleep you'd be feeling the same....

[Sez1]

Hi, I'm only new on the forum but I live with BPD and some days, weeks or even months can be super difficult. There is hope though it sometimes is just about getting through each second until it passes. Because it does pass. 

On my really bad days, I spend most of the time distracting myself either with cleaning watching a movie or something that keeps my brain busy enough not to grab onto the unhelpful thoughts. 

I practice really hard to let the thoughts just come and go and not grab onto them. When I'm feeling a bit more stable I then tackle the hard mind stuff to get me to a place where I'm coping. 

I hope this helps a little, but mainly to let you know your not alone in how you feel. 

[Kyle1]

nah, doesn't trigger me. Just waking up in the mornings triggers me these days @AnonymousEmpath