TW: SI

[Loz_3647]

I'm no stranger to dark thoughts but this is probably the worst it has been in a long time. This court stuff is my final breaking point. Everything has stacked up to this point and it's actually all come down now. Can't bare any more weight or hurt. I can't pretend like I'm ok because I am not. Far, far from it.

Lifeline was zero help today and their chat kept cutting me off. Beyondblue won't even talk to me. Suicide call back....well, we won't even go there. My psychologist is fully booked until April. Acute care team I'm definitely not calling.

Ultimately, I guess it doesn't matte anymore. Can't even get help from a dr for my major depressive disorder....what is the f point. There's no fixing this. 

[amber22]

Hey there @Loz_3647 

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling these challenging feelings at the moment. I wanted to reach out and tell you that you're not alone with these thoughts. I am really glad that you've reached out on the forums to let us know how you're feeling, and I really hope that you get the support and hugs that you need right now from our community ❤️

I see that you've tried a few different crisis support services already, and that you haven't gotten much help from them. Are you currently with anyone at the moment, or is there anyone that you could reach out to for informal support? Whether this is a friend, family, or any other support call centre? Sometimes when our formal supports don't work out the way that we thought they would, or when they are going through a busy time and are unable to provide us with the help we need, we can seek support from other places more informally. 

It might feel a bit harder to reach out to others in our lives because we don't want to 'burden' anyone, but I think that sharing these thoughts with others might provide them with a lot of relief that you're reaching out about it to them. I am sure that they love and care for you a lot, and would be there to listen if you needed to talk. 

If you don't have any informal support that you can go to, you can try friendline on 1800 424 287. They might be a good one to connect with when you're alone with your thoughts. Some others include Mindspot, eheadspace, or if your line was breaking up with lifeline then you could always try the online chat version or the text based help on 0477 13 11 14. 

Sitting with you and sending you lots of online hugs, 

Amber22

[Loz_3647]

I'm done repeating myself to these people. Im done altogether.

[amber22]

@Loz_3647 I understand, it can be really upsetting having to repeat yourself and relive your emotions over and over again. Maybe spending some time doing something that might distract you would be more helpful? That way you don't have to speak to anyone and can rather focus on something else. 

I've been listening to a lot of podcasts recently when I find that my mind is racing or wondering to other places. It snaps my attention back onto something else, and distracts me for a little while. I've also been binge watching some TV shows on disneyplus or netflix for the same reason. Would this be helpful for you right now?

Still sitting with you,

Amber22

[Kyle1]

@Loz_3647  what's your trial for? ...