Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BlueButterfly50]

When I used to feel suidical I would back track and check into what was happening for me. Usually I could pin point it, like an argument with my supervisor made me feel that way. So I would unpack that in my head and talk to someone about it. I went from a suicide plan to a psych hospital plan to a living plan. I have not been suicidal for a few years now. Ending the pain is what we want, not to die. We want to learn how to deal with these awful feelings and emotions. I learned how to detach myself from people so I could have a level of emotional connection with them that was not overwhelming. I also learned what was my stuff and what was their stuff.

[CherryBomb]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady @Carolyn and @Raven any suggestion for @Kate70 about how she can help restore self-esteem, and care for her loved one who has BPD?

[BlueButterfly50]

BPD is not a discrete set of categorical symptoms that fit neatly into a box, it is a reaction to life combined with our history and biology and genetics. Other conditions can coexist, however schizophrenia and BPD do not (as far as I am aware) coexist at all. Bipolar and BPD do. Schizophrenia I do not know a lot about. Hearing Voices is not something I experience but Hearing Voices networks abound and they work with people with their voices to understand them and where they come from. The voices are pretty much always people from their past. there is always a connection between the voices, what they say and where they come from, again trauma based. Google Ron Coleman for this. Go to a clinical psychologist for a diagnosis. Some clinicians are anti-BPD diagnosis. Keep shopping around till you find one who does. It can be hit and miss. I wish all clinicians were educated in all latest research.

[Raven]

Supporting them thru their treatment letting them know that they are loved and supported by u is the way I find is the most restorative
But looking after yourself is the best way to help them positive examples I find are helpful

[Concerned]

Our family feels totally controlled by the daughter with BPD.  We have been dealing with this for 11 years and she is getting worse, not better.  I haven't been on a holiday for 3 years, and when I'm away from her AT ALL, I'm constantly getting phone calls and texts where I have to reassure her.  We would love to have a holiday, but don't want to take our daughter because she is too emotionally draining, but we can't leave her behind because we are worried that she will end her life.  Our entire family is being held for ransom because we love our daughter and don't want to upset her.  The mental health system is expensive, and so far for us, an inefficient system that hasn't worked.  She has been receiving treatment since she first became unwell, from psychologists, pschiatrists, social workers, family therapists, hospital inpatient and lots and lots of medication; nothing has worked and I'm at a loss...

[BlueButterfly50]

Psychologists and psychiatrists are not necessarily BPD focussed and don't have the time or the interest. You would think they would though. Some actually read the research and stil lthink people are untreatable and unable to recover. Some are not willing to expand their minds on this. Go to Behavioural Tech and Marsha Linehan's research for the latest developments. http://www.linehaninstitute.org/ and http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm

[razamataz]

Its a great course bluebutterfly.. It would be really good for most of the community to do it, like First Aid.. Yep ,, its a tough question to ask BUT we can save lives by asking,, and enabling one to open up and speak about whats deep down inside x
By the Way .. you are an inspiration to many and Thankyou for assisting others to gain insight xx

[BlueButterfly50]

Only the person with BPD can do this. You can tell people how great and wonderful they are all the time but the person with BPD needs to find her own inner resources for this. Learning to be assertive rather than passive/aggressive. Learning to love yourself, learning not to hate yourself. Radical acceptance of who you are on your journey. Acceptance of all your good and not so good bits. Self-compassion is also something we have not very much on. I use this website to teach self compassion in the BPD support group I run in Perth. http://self-compassion.org/

[CherryBomb]

@Concerned you are not alone in feeling like that you're being held ransom by the person you care for, many carers, irrespective of the illness of their loved, can feel like they are having to walk on eggshells. It's so tiring. @BlueButterfly50 is there light at the end of the tunnel for @Concerned? 

[BlueButterfly50]

Thank you raz, yes we can save lives. Asking people who express suicide ideation the tough question. "Are you suicidal?", Do you have a plan, what is your plan. Would you like a cup of tea and we can discuss this further. etc, etc,. It's being a compassionate human being who cares for someone else. I have been in this situation with one of my children. He just wanted an end to being bullied. We worked on that as well. He is alive and well, has a good job and a girlfriend and is a happy chappy now.