I plan to ring my psych tomorrow. I feel quite nervous to talk to them again. I need to put last week in the past and not let it colour our therapeutic relationship as until then we had been getting along well. I am not sure if I can achieve that though. I tend to be on the defensive in case I get hurt. I want things to work out so we can continue on and actually do the therapy that I need. There is one particular experience from when I was nine that was particularly traumatic that I want to have rescripted. Wish me luck with talking to my psych for tomorrow. What's your news? Anything happening at your end???
Hi Ybother. It has been some time since we have heard from you. Just checking in to see how you are coping now? Did you manage to move out of the bad situation that you were living in? I hope that you are ok.
I wish my life was more interesting and I had things to write and tell you about. I always enjoy receiving correspondence from you. Hoping that you had a great day.
Well, today I've been very busy using my fingers on the keyboard. Gosh, my memory is so slippery that I even forget where I've been. I looked at my profile and apart from your “Introduction” thread, I have also been busy on a couple of others. They are:
Now, if you happen to look at them, I can't promise you a session of light reading, but I hope that they are interesting. The difficulty on the forum is that any comment has a fairly short “half-life”, and so, for the most part, is only relevant for a day or so. Consequently, I think, that is the reason that comments on many threads, are generally fairly short.
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However, Most of my conversations are with specific people, and for courtesy reasons, I most often do not add forum addresses of other people. That is, unless I am intending the message to go to a wider range of people, generally on a topic of broader interest.
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As you are aware, from our discussions, I am not overly fond of one or two sentence replies to a post. A recent post, to a question that was answered by a number of members with 1 or 2 line Yes/No answers, took me about two A4 pages. But I hope that my response covered the possible scenarios that the person may have been addressing, but about which they had not given any other details. In fact the question was ludicrously light on detail. However, I do hope that my response gave that person sufficient information to enable them to make a relatively well informed decision, with other options for seeking additional relevant information. That response was to:
I believe, if its worth giving a response, that it should be as complete as possible.
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Question, do you know about looking up a profile on this site?
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I don't think that you should be nervous about ringing your psych. I think that you have considered where you are at, and where you want to be. If you can convey that, I think that your future conversations will be productive. Maybe, hopefully, what I talked about in a previous message, about looking at the situation from the psych's perspective, may have been useful. It may also allow you to feel empathy for their position.
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From your comment that “I need to put last week in the past and not let it colour our therapeutic relationship.....” It seems that you, while still retaining some sense of trepidation, are somewhat more confident about your position. I would suggest that you ask your psych to help you relax. It is very difficult to approach issues when you are tense. May I also suggest that you actually challenge yourself to deal with the worst first. Once the worst situation is dealt with, there is likely to be a quicker resolution of other issues. However, the other issues can become the fortress barrier to dealing with the issue of greatest concern, and become your means of resistance and defence against dealing with that, about which you are most concerned. Another maladaptive strategy.
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If it is of any assistance, I am happy for you to take a printed copy of any, or all of the responses that I have written to you, to the appointment. You may just leave what you take in your bag, for security, or you might decide to ask the psych to read whatever you wish to offer. Sometimes having something with you just helps you through the process.
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I rather blurted out my major concern to the counsellor, with whom I am speaking. That occurred at about the same age as the incident to which you have referred. I am not sure if I have told you about that incident. But we may cross that bridge together, if you felt that it might assist you in dealing with any issue or issues.
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Today, for me, has been a day where I have felt somewhat unsettled about my situation. Recollecting that five years ago, driving a truck, a skid-steer loader and operating a concrete cutting machine, to break-up a large demolished house foundation, and now, I have trouble facing the use of ordinary garden equipment, such as a mower and brush-cutter. It is not a good feeling. I feel like selling what I have and just totally downsizing, in order to make things more manageable.
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Tomorrow morning or Wednesday, I plan to go to Geraldton to have my tooth dealt with. An extraction, where a crown dislodged. I tried to have it done here but the mobile dentist did not feel comfortable without backup medical facilities. There is a very good health campus here, but it is not a hospital. Any serious cases, requiring hospital admission, are ambulanced to Geraldton. I hope that it all turns out to be anti-climactic, with no problems.
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On tuesday I have an appointment with the counsellor, so an opportunity to discuss my thoughts and projections, and whatever “past” comes up. May be that is part of what I am feeling at the moment also.
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I hope that your evening is pleasant, Meg, and your day tomorrow is productive.
I do hope that you are able to get your tooth extraction done sooner rather than later. I took antibiotics for a week and mine has settled down but I am meant to be getting an extraction also. Putting that off on a wait and see kind of thing. The thing that happened to me when I was nine brings with it a great sense of shame. I didn't know what the game was and I don't know why I agreed to it. I was just a young kid who trusted people. I am sorry that you are feeling the loss of functionality and maybe independence. I know with my husband's sudden health concerns that he is feeling similarly to you. It is almost disturbing to compare what you used to be able to do with what you are currently able to do. Aging seems to be a cruel joke. My husband is ten years older than me so I get to watch him struggle from the sidelines which isn't very fun. There is nothing I can say to make him feel better about himself. He lost his job due to covid and has been unemployed for the past 14 months. With his health issues it is unlikely that he will ever work again. It is really hard as I said for both of us. I guess as far as my psych goes I just have to get brave and talk to them. I will clarify the situation where we are at first to save time. I think though that I am still in with a chance to do the therapy that I need to do. I just need to be fully in and to be able to commit. As far as your two page answers go to a yes or no question. I for one enjoy your thoroughnes and it causes me to have food for thought. I am sorry that unpleasant things have happened to you in your childhood and I hope that with help from your counsellor you will be able to move forward.
Are you feeling ok about your counseling appointment on Tuesday? Am I dislodging negative experiences from your past by mentioning my stuff. I would hate to make matters worse for you. If there is anything I can support you with please just let me know.
I do know that I can track your movements on the forums through your profile (is that what you mean)? By clicking on your green name it takes me to your profile and I can see where you have been commenting. I don't tend to do that. Feels like stalking
I just went and read the question and answer that you were speaking of. You were right, scant details were given but I think you did a great job breaking down the question and responding. I hope she found that your answer was helpful. I am in awe of you. You are so helpful to other forum users. You have a wealth of experience and knowledge from which to draw. At the moment I am struggling to be useful anywhere. I still read the forums but rarely leave a response at the moment. I just don't feel like I have anything to give. My own life is quite a mess. Sure I have a solid marriage and 3 adult kids but I don't feel as though I am living my life. I get out of bed in the morning, I act as taxi driver to all the family and I exist until bedtime and then the next day I do it all over again...
Thank you for your message of a few minutes ago. I hope things work for both of us tomorrow.
I hear what you are saying about "games" that occur, and understand your concern and anguish. However, even saying that much to me may help in breaking that barrier of defence. I most sincerely hope so. I also appreciate your trust.
