haha @Sophia1 Letting you know I am still supporting you all and care very much. Love, love, love the connections you have made with @Oaktree@HenryX and that despite some turbulence you have all managed to put that aside and be there for each other
Hey Henry it does sound as though you have been extremely busy lately what with fence building and running backwards and forwards into Geraldton. I can empathise with the weed situation as the same thing happened at our place. The weeds were knee high before I finally contacted my NDIS gardener to come mow the front. I lost a bunch of funding in January so had not seen him since then pretty much. He spent 2 hours mowing and weeding one of the beds. He even uncovered some plants that are going to turn into pretty flowers that I forgot about. Last year when I got my haircut at the home of a Church member she gave me some flowers to shake over my garden bed which I did. I had completely forgotten about it. I have decided to leave the forums for now but I might come back in the future. I am going to give it some time and see how I feel. I would be remiss not to thank you for your friendship and support and to not say goodbye. I really care deeply for you dear Henry and hope that you will look after yourself until we meet again. I saw my case manager today who asked if I was just running for the hills and maybe I am. Hopefully with some therapy I will be in a better place soon.
I am very sorry and disappointed that you continue to wish to leave the forum. It really means that I am losing contact with a close and comforting friend.
The 'project' I have been working on is for both of us and I will post the completed details as soon as I can. I believe that you will be able to access the post even as a 'guest' to the forum pages. I hope that it will be of use and assist in future decision making.
Our discussions have been very helpful and positively affirming for me. I have really appreciated the understanding and empathy that you have extended to me.
The “Magic Wishing Well' will continue to give me assurance of how I can be.
I hope, most sincerely, that the choir participation and other social activities, in which you will be active, will be nurturing and sustaining for you, as I am sure that your presence will be for the people you meet and with whom you will be involved.
While not wanting to close the door, as I have said before, despite my own feelings, as a friend, I wish to and must acknowledge and respect your wishes, feelings and decisions.
I do hope that we will have the opportunity to meet again.
With The Very Best of Good Wishes That I Can Offer
Hello Meg, I have posted a message on the “Living with Ourselves” thread, where I read your post of about 5 hours ago. (I think about 1.00pm) I had a rest this afternoon, so only read your message at about 5.00pm. Despite the fact that it doubles, I have transferred a copy to this thread where, I think, we have had most contact.
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Yes, it's mostly weeds that I am dealing with. Though I am mentally gearing myself up towards making something of a garden for my spot of ground. Paradoxically, part of the beauty of the region comes from the explosion of growth around this time of year. So, I reflect on that and consider control to be better than absence.
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It is so pleasant, when bringing order to a location, be it a garden bed, or any other aspect of life, that we find something special and, sometimes unexpected, that we can enjoy, such as the flowers that lay hidden in your garden bed.
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And as I have endeavoured to convey in the previous post,
Oh dear I have just read your post on the craft corner thread to always-hope I think it was. It is not my intention to inflict any kind of sadness on you. It seems I can't win no matter what I do. I just need some time away to think about what I want. The forums have brought me joy and friendship especially with you and Sophia but I don't trust that I can make relationships work out long term. I don't want there to come a time when I accidentally hurt either of you. With virtual posts it's so easy to misunderstand peoples' intentions. I will miss you very much too and wish there was another way. You have been a wonderful friend to me and I will carry you in my heart always.
❤Pros and Cons of undertaking or not undertaking Schema Therapy❤
Undertaking Supported Schema-Therapy
Advantages
What
By Whom
It is recommended
This Therapy is recommended for treatment of long established maladaptive behaviours that are continually being added to and reinforced on a daily basis.
Therapists who are members of representative governmental and privately based Organisations, Societies and Institutes and Services in Australia, the UK and USA
It works
The causes and criteria by which the behaviours can be identified so that people can establish for themselves whether their own behaviour matches or corresponds to the criteria
Any maladaptive behaviour, particularly one that is not static, but is being added to and continually reinforced, is placing ever increasing hurdles in the process of meeting each days needs.
Addressing, stabilising and reducing the effects of each of these hurdles makes each day easier to deal with, more productive and more rewarding
I will isolate less
Having hurdles and barriers to my expression of self makes it more and more difficult to project myself into social and interpersonal interactions with family, friends and particularly strangers.
A sense of shame and a feeling of inertia, generated by my increasingly strengthened stuck points, makes me reluctant to move outside my own personal space.
Meg can make choices instead of schemas making Meg's choices for her
I will feel free of the burden that I feel I have carried for so long. I seem to have been controlled, as if by an outside force, that I no longer want to have control over my life.
I will not feel as if I have to refer to directions from my past experience and environment. I will be free of that yoke on my shoulder, as if physically and psychologically weighed down.
I can forgive myself
If I face my past and deal with the memories, the fears, the anxiety, the burden of shame, I will be able to forgive myself for having assumed the role of victim, with decision making based on fears from the past. I will be able to forgive myself for having imposed the burden of shame on myself for so long.
It will feel good to be able to make decisions about what I do, where I go, who I feel comfortable with in my life. My decisions will be made on the basis of what I hope for in the future. As a person free of the bondage of past fears, I will be able to hold my head up in any company.
Healthy choice
The psychological burdens, that I have carried, have had a severe impact on my physical body and strength. I am aware that inflammation markers are increased with such stress, and influence other health factors that I feel.
I know that being able to start fresh each day, I will be able to make the most of my diet, exercise, concentration, decisions making processes. All these and more contribute to better health than I feel able to enjoy now.
More freedom
Freedom from fear, anxiety, instability, distress, both physical and psychological, the burden of shame. Fear, simply because I think that I should be afraid and the feelings of unworthiness.
I will know to take appropriate precautions for my own safety and health, without the feelings that all that doesn't matter. That will allow me the freedom to enjoy my life and share the person who I am with the other people who I think of as special; with me as special and included as they are.
Less burden to carry
Burdens! I've talked about burdens a lot. And I know that, in quite some measure, I have inflicted those burdens on myself.
To be able to walk into a room without the feeling that people can see right inside to where I have kept all this shame for so long. Surely, it will feel so good to think that they can look as much as they wish, they will no longer see any shame, and I will feel free to walk among others.
Be less hard on myself
I have maintained an almost constant patter of self-criticism for most of my life. I am tired of feeling that constant negative attention and negative affirmation. Not just tired, I realise that I no longer need to criticise myself. I don't deserve it now or in the futeure, and I didn't deserve it in the past.
Not am I not only going to be less hard on myself, I have now made the decision to encourage and compliment myself, appropriately, as often as I see opportunities to do so. Along with that decision goes the intention to gently recover some of the positive ground that I have pushed away from myself for so long.
Added by HenryX
Can free up personal resources to address any other issues
I have spent too long believing that I did not deserve or have the right to be able to participate in and enjoy the pleasant aspects of life to which I have previously thought that only others had the right to enjoy.
By removing the physical and psychological yoke of burden from my shoulders, I will allow myself to use the energy and enthusiasm, that I thus recover, in the pursuit of worthy and enjoyable activities and pastimes, on my own behalf and for the benefit of others.
Foundation of Therapy Process.
It certainly seems to be generally recognised that Schema Therapy is based on the already accepted Cognitive Behavioural and other Behavioural Therapies. Other behavioural therapy inclusions would appear to support and buttress the already accepted practices and be likely to add rather than weaken this therapy structure.
Disadvantages
It's hard
Well, I could bring out the old cliché that anything worth having requires hard work. But, that is not the point. The difficulty is in putting my life up on a screen, as it were, for analysis, to have my thoughts and feelings brought out in front of me with someone else present.
Ok, my life is hard to bear now. Really, how much harder can it be. I'm worried everyday about people seeing the real bad me. Will it be that much harder to face myself, and address a lot of common misconceptions that I have believed for too long. I don't think so.
It's emotional
I'm emotional everyday. “Whatever is in my head” comes out and creates uncertainty in myself and conflict with others that I have no wish to continue
Is it possible that a bit more concentrated emotion, for a relatively short time, will rid me of a lot of those negative feelings and give me more peace in my relationships with family, friends and associates.
It's scary
It is scary to think of a different life, even a better one, from the one I know and have allowed myself to become accustomed to. I've grown to know the weight that I have been carrying. Is it good for my life to stay that way?
I recognise that there is a difference between the life that I live and the life that I want to live. The differences that I see between the two are sufficient reason to face 'down' my fear of change
Fear of judgement
Am I being judged by others and me each day of my life.
Am I content to allow the continuation of this negative judgement of my person and actions. Is it possible to believe that future judgements of me by others and me can be positive.
Feelings of shame
Everyday, in almost every way, I feel a nebulous sense of shame, that most of the time I cannot even identify or understand
What would it be like to feel free of those negative perceptions and feelings that I so often experience. If I face them, I am aware that they may simply be illusions to which I have become accustomed.
Thoughts of “I don't want to do it”
I am continually faced with my own resistance to dealing with the negative issues in my life
If I allowed myself to be free to explore my inner mental processes in a guided discussion, I believe that the fear is likely to give way to feelings of relief.
Might bring up more memories
Heck, I'm facing the old uncontrolled memories everyday, sometimes in erratic bursts and sometimes very clearly.
Even if there are more memories uncovered, are they likely to be any worse than the ones I am already familiar with or imagine anyway.
Having to look at memories
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I find any kind of change scary
It is the process of change that is scary, because it leaves the feeling of having no foundation or support during the process
If there is someone with me acting as a guide, I can face that feeling of crossing the bridge because I know that what is on the other side is strength, freedom, peace that I can enjoy myself and share with others
Added by HenryX
Concern about going through all this and falling backward into old familiar ways.
Ah!! That old fear that some refer to as “backsliding”. I know my ground here and have grown accustomed to it. If I leave known territory and end up coming back, I will have to adjust twice.
If I make changes in my life, I am aware and know that I am going to have to build relational supports with the people around me to help me maintain the position that I want to hold.
So I just received the email to close my account. It is a final and irreversible act so I have decided to just leave my account where it is and step away for now. I may or may not read posts but I won't be responding. I will take some time and see how it makes me feel.
I know that others have taken time away from the forums, for various reasons, without closing their accounts. There is a considerable level of stress, in maintaining linkages and responding to others, while at the same time dealing with the immediate issues, to which we are each responding, in our our own daily 'real life' interactions.
This afternoon, I speak with the person who is assisting me as counsellor, so, like most others on the forum and, as you are no doubt aware, I am also dealing with 'residual issues' from the past. A continuing process in which I consider that my discussions with you have also assisted me.
My message on the craft thread was my statement, that reflects my thoughts and feelings. I would hope that what I said is only what you might wish to have been said, and might say yourself, should the situation be reversed. I have really enjoyed our conversations. Nothing that you have said has offended me or caused me concern. Whatever you do and wherever you go, I hope that it is a journey of continuing steps to peacefulness and fulfilment.
