Hi @fluffylight thank u for sitting with me @Vibe the mental health system is a monster, but I am welcoming you and your contributions here and it is so kind u wrote to me. Like a thoughtful 🎁 thank you. I know what u mean re piecing together. It is a lot of work to stay well
@Appleblossom thanks for ur comments about psw! U are lovely. It is very minimal and idk if it's going to become more or less but I am just open to some employment. The rough thoughts here are horrible, the suicidality, the hard time. I don't know what will come or settle. The PSW is sporadic so I just get offered shifts sometimes and say yes or no. I had some time yesterday , like my support worker was going to come at 12 and they offered me 10 - 12 30 so I accepted it as it was over the phone and she ended up late anyway so....I used the time to offer PSW.
I thought maybe one day I could do support coordination for the NDIS myself but I wander if I could handle the stress. Idk.
Sorry about ur friend who visited you when he was sick, that sucks and is a bit scary, hope u were ok? Are there doctors near where U live? I have been staying at my grandfathers old flat for a few weeks as I have a knee injury and soon am moving somewhere else.
The flat has a garden which is nice.
I am only allowed to stay til Sunday as tenants are coming in. It is a quiet neighbourhood but also everyone knows everyone and I feel a bit too private to hang around here to much longer
yeah friend was a 'she' not that it matters and ex from like 20 years ago @EternalFlower neither of us were in mood for company and she hasnt said much since, so no one in hurry to catch up again. but yeah she got sick with pneumonia, sounds like been better for weeks now, I still have lingering cough not snot everywhere and head all flu like anymore
yes, drs, I made an appt for tues next week in the end, but not just for flu now. Its mostly gone seems.
where are you going after this? yes, know the fishbowl feeling. I grew up around towns of 3000 , where people thought they knew others business, but here is half the size, so think people know way more lol
A bit of work can be good... can shift the mindset in many ways... and help the purse.
It is good to have a few ideas and be future focussed, not so much you forget the present, but dream on ... its better than dealing with the other ... ending it all ... thoughts. More possibilities happen in those dreams, and a path forward.
I am really good at the moment. Back from doing wonderful music, but it was a nightmare getting across town, could not see street signs and also fell over ... lighting was bad at the school we rehearsed at.
I am in music heaven this week, another rehearsal, concert Sunday... as a big sing, and conducting and playing in smaller ensemble, different stuff on Saturday.
I really like my new support co-ordinator. I am not sure that it is that stressful a job, my last one did not seem stressed at all.
I am also feeling more connected with female friends, more than ever in my life, which is great.
Back to doing exercises at home, and small walks and gardening.
The concert on Sunday sounds fun. Hope u are enjoying things and nice U are doing excercises at home. How are u enjoying the warmer weather ☁️🌡️
Good that ur SC seemed calm, I don't know how good i would've with the financial elements of support coordination but I think I would be good at finding supports for people . After the past few years I've had a bit of an ear for what works and who is helpful and isn't .
Don't think I'd be the best SC but maybe not to bad and could give meaning . The NDIS has such huge potential . I complain but I like some paets of it. I like getting to choose workers. I haven't had choice for a while.
Specially in the public system, when my cm was terrible and inappropriate I was told I could not change and then had a wasted year with someone who didn't want to help me . So choice and control indeed !
Hey @Appleblossom Ive had four or five, they change a lot. Hard to get people during pandemic I think. I had really bad one and kept asking to change and they told me they couldn't because they wanted to give me a female worker and the other CMS were male.
I made a friend in the same hopsital and she said she had a male worker and had been requesting a female worker for ages and they told her there were simply no females.
They don't let u change and U can get lumped with someone who is not super interested in the role. So it's nice at least in the NDIS that I can choose who I like. I do a lot of research finding people I think are good but it is tiring.
I have been under the care of a dr for 3.5 years and he admitted me to hopsital
I was moving house and he thought I'd be really unsafe over that time
The hospital out me in a foreign area with mostly elderly people and the nurses were aggressive with me , some also were very into physical touch and gave me very intense hugs on my bed.
I got totally dysregulated and ended up self harming on the ward.
My dr wasn't pleased and told me he'd been really patient with me and I wasn't behaving. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay and told him
