Hi @jazz thank you for the reminder I've not been able to sleep all night which is scary. I feel angry and sad how the stay has been ans want to leave.
I'm sorry things are upsetting for you at the moment. I feel worried and scared for you, reading your post. I am glad you are in hospital and have support of nurses around you.
I know hospital can be a very 'discombobulating' place. I have not been admitted myself, however I am carer for someone that has been admitted many times over the years. I would try to visit him as much as possible while he was in hospital.
On one hand, I imagine it can be frightening to be around so many new people, & other patients that are in depths of their own struggles.
I also sense that the time away from everyday life can be a great relief. I think the structure & routine, alongside the constant access to medical resources can give much needed feelings of safety.
I know you are saying that things are very difficult at the moment. One constant thread throughout your posts that I have noticed, is your ability to ask for help & own self awareness that things are not ok.
Please make sure you continue reaching out. I like how you mentioned that hospital might be good place, periodically, whilst you having these ideations.
I overslept too! I'm embarrassed to say how much. I think I'm trying to get my medications at right levels - and other things- causing imbalance.
Hi @maddison👋 I hope u got restful sleep, it's tricky for me too as I sleep badly and I a rut, and am a late riser...
They bring food to us here which feels blissful, I know myself I would not make it to meal times so it's nice when they bring it to me.
I am a believer in hospital but this stay hast worked out so well and I'm blaming myself.
My feelings are very intense like I've somehow dtuffed it up and am a difficult person
I do feel quite sad here as I had high hopes coming in, I wanted a reprieve.
The nurse asked me if hospital helped and I said no, I'm no better than when I came in, how could I be? All I've done is sleep and hide in my bed.
I think my ideas about mh are discombobulated.
I moved wards and am now in a very friendly part of the hospital, I'm getting better I think at sussing out which nurses can help me and asking for help.
Some are mean, some are nice. I hope we have some nice ones over the weekend.
That is awesome u visited Ur loved on repeatedly in hopsital.,it really helps have ppl who are curious and open to entering the space.
I hope you don't feel too badly about yourself. I know it is difficult when I am in cycle of self blame to shift my thinking. I'm sure you haven't stuffed anything up re: hospital stay. I think I have experienced that exact emotion before, -that it is somehow me, & that my issues must be so complicated & I am particularly difficult case!
I don't think it is true for either of us.
That sounds nice, having food bought to you! Enjoy it. It sounds like you need some extra care. Hopefully you will get good nurses over Easter. Sometimes it can be quiet on holidays.
Thanks for mentioning my visits to hospital to see my friend. It is never easy. Most recently, because of covid, all visits were outdoors in the smoking area. This made me feel better. I would feel a bit claustrophobic, in previous years when inside the ward.. And all the other patients would be interested to see who the visitor was & I would feel all these eyes on me!
That is kind of my normal response to most public, or crowded places though.
I think I am probably curious & open minded to his experience! I think it is interesting. I was mostly aware of how alone or disconnected he would feel in there. I knew that even though it was uncomfortable for me to visit, that the emotional turmoil he was feeling was much greater. My feelings of being uncomfortable, were nothing compared to the confusion he was experiencing. That made it easy (er!) 💜💕
Hi all . So today my Dr stopped by and said she's going to admit me every few weeks until things stabilise and we made a date for next admission.
I feel a bit excluded as there is a strong group of friends in the ward but the nurse told me 4hey have been there for 5 weeks together and are all receiving similar treatment. They party together and the ward has become so social
I am finding hospital as @maddison said....confusing. ud think u were in a diff environment qt times, and then wham suddenly were all lining up for medication and u are, unmistakably in hospital
I'm discharging after the hols and trying to keep busy til then
Glad you were able to talk to your Dr. and make plans for future admissions. I actually didn't know this was a possiblity. It makes me feel positive about health care system to be able to customise care like this. It is also good to have idea what is coming in the future & know that you have strong support when things feeling precarious.
I'm sorry you feel excluded. I often feel like this. I don't have they type of personality that is particularly outgoing, and I don't really do well in large groups. Also, my anxiety & perhaps lack of confidence prevents me from having large group of people around me. I feel more secure in small, closer groups. It can be very lonely when you see others getting along & having fun without you.
It is difficult as you say though, that they have been in there for 5 weeks together & you will be discharged after holidays. If you are feeling confident enough, you can try to interact.
When my friend was admitted, they would have pizza nights & listen to music etc. He was in for many weeks & also knew some of the patients from previous stays. Unlike me, he is a bit more outgoing, whereas, even if roles were reversed, I am pretty sure I would keep to myself. I don't mind my own company - I still feel left out though!
Nice to have a quiet night after organising everything,..hope u have a peaceful evening 😊
I just changed all my bedding here but it's still white depressing hospital gear. I've been asked ten times today by various nurses the same welfare questions and I just told the nurse I'm over it..,she is my least fave!! It's quiet here but I'm glad I'm here and not home. There are worse places.
I was thinking how it would be if visitors were permitted, and how you felt everyone wanted to have a look at who was coming in. A part of me is ok with no visitors inside, but it does make it sort of like a very tight knit group within the hospital, it also makes it exciting when u have a nice nurse or Ur Dr attends to see u....we're a bit starved of company.
I've not been sleeping well at all here which has made me moody. I try and chat to ppl here and it's been a few friendly exchanges, but the group is still so close. I feel q bit triggered being around them, like u said, sometimes watching a close group, even though I'm OK not being in it, feels q bit rough.
I'm a bit moody myself today! It's difficult to find a stable thread sometimes isn't it. And then being in a down mood, gets me down. I will be ok. I think I'm feeling a bit in a rut like you mentioned in a previous post
Good work on clean bedding. I always feel lovely in clean sheets. Hopefully you can get good night's sleep.
Hi @maddison hope u feel better, and get some time to do something calming just for u
Some days are hard and I hope u get though it and feel much better soon
Tomorrow will probably be quiet here, no programs really, I've been reading a book and watching YouTube clips of Tom Cardy, he writes and sings funny songs.
I am so grateful I'm here
I aas thin,ING that I have had so much luck in my treatment, I guess my ear,y years are cery unlucky as my Dr said, but I feel lucky to be able to access hospital services
Thanks for sharing more about how Ur going and contributing to this safe and caring discussion space
