I believe that you might be out of hospital now...
I am not sure..
My head is not being kind to me at the moment..
Best way for me to respond gently as I so want to do for you not because you are not a strong person; moreso because you have to very much to contend with.
Hospitals are very difficult places even when they offer some help.
So copied and pasted your message to me:
He said i was getting better because even though im scared to challenge him, i do so, and also i can articulate myself....the feelings aren't so big that i cant name them. I engage with, name and know how i feel.
Unfortunately that was a very triggering session though. I hipe u were ok post rupture in ur session. It does need repairing. Where did you find your courage to speak, perhaps something has changed or u know urself well. You sound truthful and like u have had a journey but u have really learnt through it.
Im sorry i havent replied... i have not been so well here
Wow, the first paragraph confirms what I already sensed. You have strong insight that is growing more and more with every difficult experience that you endure.
Some people never find that insight. Be proud of where you are now when you are in a gentler, calmer mindset.
The triggering part I understand also. That is the strength of pushing through all of the internal barriers, brick walls that you have built from fear, flight, fight, survive mode over the years.
They are still going up and down now as you traverse this chapter in your life that leads you to go in and out of hospital.
Another very brave step as hospital is hard. It is not running away or falling apart as some imagine. It is recognising when to accept help. Help is on offer in hospital. Sadly in different forms, shapes and sizes and comes with other addendums on occasions. That part is out of your control.
The important part is you recognise when to go in. You are astute enough to know when to reach out for help to best help yourself. You leave when you know it no longer works. Again great insight, strength.
The relaying this and everything else that you need to say to your doctor all takes its toll and can easily be thought of as not helping.
Every effort you make helps you.
Your doctor has noticed and recognised this. That is why I say, hang onto him even when he cannot be there. He is listening to you. He is helping you within his limitations.
This is actually helping you more than sending you off to someone else where you have to start over and chances are that person will not hear you. Depleting.
You have intrigued your doctor as he recognises that you are doing all of this hard work yourself.
Standing up to him, now that is where your courage, determination, conviction come into force.
Is this hard. My goodness incredibly. You used the term rupture. So very apt. It tears at our very beings (plural tying in with my own experiences hopefully to better explain).
We sense from our insight that no matter how hard as we have to face all of our internal chat telling us that we might be seen as weak and so on and so on.
We battle on.
Yes we feel worse after.
The voice comes from deep within us. It is a part of us at different stages of our struggles that has been silenced by others, silenced by ourselves.
How long does the repairing take.
That one is an ongoing experience, different for each of us.
It is not easy, it will fluctuate in intensity.
We will have fleeting moments of feeling a shift within us.
Very deep
I do worry when I open up like this
Let me know if too much
I must go I am in trouble...running late
extended family gathering that I do not usually enjoy but attend for husband.
Occasionally I surprise myself and when I can just be me chatter away laugh without even noticing what others think. I am free.
Wherever you are, take time out of your mind this goes hand in hand with the standing up for yourself, in and out of hospital trips, survival..
Dearest @Sophia1 i read ur message and it was so present. It feels like u have had therapists who didnt listen but u listened to urself and made sure u got good care..you seem to have sewn the limitations too of therapy and made sure to get ur needs met...and to ask for them....to repair, like it doesnt feel good to challenge them but then ir opens up ur care....
Humbly admitting im still here...another day.
Waiting til dr returns on Tuesday. I wander if tomorrow will be better here....today they gave us chocolate.
There are some men here i dont like. And there was rhe woman i got told off for helping, she was always confused and asking for the day or time.
After being told off i now dont get involved. I realise i didnt help much anyway. I thought i could provide comfort.
I just wanted to make other feel not alone but now i wont do that because the hospital doesnt want that.
I know @LeChuck youve been busy doing work on urself and engaging with others on their journeys thriugh grouos and supportive environments...it sounds like uve been so busy sk hope u feel supported and ok over this new pace, it can seem odd, i was wandering if u feel supported over the long weekend and weekends as well
I am glad that you got chocolate today! Something small to make you have a joyful moment.
I am glad that you are waiting to speak with your doctor on Tuesday. Hopefully you can make best decisions for future steps together.
Sophia1 has some great insights to share. We are all with you! Just in different places in our journeys. I haven’t been in hospital for a long while, which is a great relief. Finally my medication is working well. Hopefully it stays this way.
Hi @Sophia1 just wanted to say ur description was very beautiful and poetic and truthful regarding repair and the joirney that sort of takes longer but also is the most important thing so makes our recovery better and quicker...
I agree and my dr senses a lot in me. Hes very dedicated to the inner child part of me the me that is good.
hey there @EternalFlower Still in the big house, well, our thoughts are with you were ever you are. Keep clear of those nasty men. seems to be a growing problem these days.
Let the help come to you mate. I don't think looking for others to bond with or help is a good idea in that place.
As you well know, people can be very unpredictable on the outside of the walls, let alone in there.
Do you have T V, books or Internet in there, What's your room actually like mate.
Forgive my curiosity.
Where ever you go, go with the flow, Happy easter my friend. tonys m b 1
Sorry @EternalFlower, I haven't been keeping up with posts at the moment, I've been pretty unwell too You might not hear from me for a little while but I will be thinking of you and sending hope vibes. I read back and wow you're strong eternal.
You've got this eternal! Be kind to yourself and keep advocating for yourself.
I suddenly had a moment of my goodness imagine trying to read something so so long on a phone in a hospital environment so busy and not that comforting.
Last thing you need.
I know that you do not judge me that way as you are so caring.
