Dealing with a parent with OCD

[T-K]

Hi everyone,

I'm an adult living with a parent with contamination OCD and I really need some support.

My parent has been mentally and physically ill my whole life, and I have cared for them since I was 12.

Their OCD makes it really hard for me to leave the house as when I do, we both need to complete a laborious, 4+ hour ritual. I'm trying to find full time work at the moment, and I just don't know how I will be able to cope with having to do an 8-hour work day only to come home to multiple hours of cleaning while trying to also maintain some semblance of a "normal" social life. I can't afford to move out, and I don't have any friends that I can live with full time.

They refuse professional help due to negative experiences in the past and have tried to get better in the past only to fall back into old habits/routines. I can only imagine how difficult having OCD is, but I really don't know how I can do this anymore. I just need some advise on what I can possibly do next.

Thanks,

T-K

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @T-K,

My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us. 

I really feel for you and understand somewhat what you are going through. My father had undiagnosed OCD for decades. When I was young I couldn't understand why we would have to wait in the car before going somewhere while my dad triple checked all the windows and doors were locked. I just thought it was a quirky habit - upon reflection it was OCD.

In your case I can see that this has a greater impact on you as well as your parent. It is a shame that your parent wont seek professional help as (from my understanding) OCD is very treatable with the right help.

I empathise with you around how best to not only help your parent in this situation but also yourself. Would you feel comfortable putting some boundaries in place around this? I understand from the parent/child dynamic this can be hard (it took me many years to put boundaries in place with a parent myself) but I'm a little concerned how much your parent's issue is impacting you and your own life. 

I would imagine the key to all this is your parent getting the help they need around their OCD and then the rest would follow (e.g. then there would be no need for a cleaning ritual). Do you have anyone that can help support you in supporting your parent get help such as a sibling, aunt/uncle, GP etc.

I really wish you and your parent all the best.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

[Bugsbunny]

Hi 

it really hard putting ourselves first when the people we love have mental health problem I know I have never tried to put myself how dare would do that to a loved one when they depend on me so much 

well after caring about someone I love very much I did the scariest thing for me I put myself first even if I disappeared for 7 days and had no contact because I was so burnt out and about to have a mental break down 

but as painful it was for me to that I survived and they survived I took care of my self for the first time in 16 years nothing easy I have returned back to the crazy world I live in but I know I am a bit closer to also reclaiming my life back as we all deserve a life you do to easy to say but you will build courage to cope with giving back to you I wish you peace and love and your not alone please reach to support groups take want you want from group leave behind what didn’t not resonate with I’m sure you find some things that will help bless the cares