Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Melody69]

I have been dealing with my son's mental health issues for 21 years now and am finding it harder than ever. I am now 69 years old and not coping like I used to. 

He does not take any responsibility for his own mental health and uses alcohol to self-medicate. He is not an angry drunk but rather a depressive drunk. 

He has many other physical health issues and has multiple disabilities. He has a neck injury which is inoperable, due to a hit and run. He also has COPD due to being a firefighter for the past eleven years. Along with this he has a heart condition and also a severe allergy called Alfa Gal Syndrome which is caused through a tick bite - he is unable to eat any mammal products: milk, lamb, meat and pig. 

His disabilities are complex, and he is only 36 years old. His mental health is affected by his physical disabilities and lack of social interaction. 

I find it hard to navigate his many disabilities and to determine what his need is for the day. Is it mental health? Is it due to physical pain? Is it due to his allegories? 

As an older Australian I do not have the energy I once had and find it hard to do all that is necessary to care for a sixty-acre property and just the past three years with bushfires, five floods and now another drought. 

Due to living remotely I am quite isolated and am hoping for support and just to know I am not alone in it all. 

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Melody69 Love your name.

Hope others come along soon and respond.  The carer side of the forum has a lot fewer members and they tend to post less frequently.  I relate to a lot of issues on bothe sides of the forum and tend to be around a lot.  

I also care for an adult son struggling with complex issues.  Each person and each carer ... has a unique set of circumstances ... eg ... we do not have any alcohol issues ... but I am not an ... all or nothing person ... so do not blieve concentrating on eliminating that one thing is the issue anyway ... just sending a cooee ... through ... airwaves ... and over distances ... and opening covnversation.

Wow I bet managing such a large property is more than a handful.

Take Care

Apple

[Melody69]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my message. I agree with you regarding alcohol. He had the mental health condition from the age of 15 and he did not drink then. He was worse back then, than he is now. I don't like the drink but after many, many years in Al- Anon I simply 'let go' and 'let God'. It is his business and I tend to my own affairs - no enabling, no co-dependency and live my own life. 

I do not judge him, nor do I condone what he is doing to his body. 

Yes, the property is hard but most of it is just bush - the only concern is bush fire. We look after around 6 acres and keep it mowed and ensure it is fire safe. That is more than enough at my age. 

[Lm88]

Hi Melody

your not alone ( though I know it can feel that way) I’m in my 60s caring for my daughter who has borderline personality disorder and drug issues. My daughter and granddaughter both live with me. I’m exhausted too and don’t cope as well as I used to.It does wear you down. It’s hard to get help even in the city , so I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for you . 

Try to take 5 minutes for yourself ( sometimes I just hide in the toilet for a bit lol ). It doesn’t fix anything but we all need a time out. My daughters having a bad day today so I’m sitting in the car st the moment just to keep out of her way.

xx

[tyme]

Hi @Melody69 , the above message is for you from @Lm88 .

Hi @Lm88 , I'm sorry your daughter is having a bad day today, and this has meant you have had to sit in your car for respite. Is your daughter, grandaughter or yourself linked in with any services?

It so important you have someone to talk to. Thank you for reaching out and sharing what's happening for you at the moment.

You may want to have a look at Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

Or Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

[Lm88]

Thanks for your reply. Daughter is seeing psychologist and has just been court mandated to seek additional psychiatric treatment. I’ve engaged support for my 4 year old grand daughter . Courts have just awarded sole parental rights to me, which has understandably really upset my daughter . It’s very difficult at the moment. I’m hopeful with the right treatment my daughters mental health will improve . It’s heart breaking to see her struggle and due to her illness having any sort of discussion with her is pretty much impossible . She tends to talk at me rather than to me and of course I can’t have a different view to her or it sets her off, because I have the little one with me I have to avoid any confrontation . I walk  on egg shells all the time and days like today mean there is nothing I can say or do ( or not say and not do ). Hopefully tomorrow ( or the next 5 minutes) will be better . The mood swings are so rapid sometimes my head just spins . Thanks for letting me vent a bit

[Climatechange]

You are not alone, Melody. I'm 75 and dealing with 55 year old daughter with schizophrenia. I don't cope with it as well as I did, either. Don't know that I want to lol. So tired of it all. I don't have any great advices Melody, except to say it's time we did good things for OURSELVES, and felt good about it. I'mlearning to let go. Not abandon, but really step back. It's time for US now Melody. Lots of love and support to you xxx