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Strivetothrive
Contributor

Living with severe depression

Hi all, 

My beautiful loving caring husband has suffered from mental illness since before we first met 25 years ago, depression and anxiety has been part of our life, and has mostly been managed well with medication and cbt, but this current deep darkness period has been going for over 12 months. I am exhausted, and overwhelmed, doing all I can to keep moving forward with our 3 gorgeous kids, trying to keep the darkness from taking me under as well. I am keen to make connections with others who live with this, and also have felt helpless and fearful of never getting that balanced happy family life back again. 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Living with severe depression

Its so hard. My darling hubby is the same. The exhaustion comes so close to burnout. I think they call it Carer fatigue these days. We have been together for 14 yrs married 12 ....2 yrs ago he decided to go off his meds without me knowing. I am not in on his Phsychologist appointments and I was furious he did this behind my back with his Phsych.  It is me holding our lives together and the struggles have been breaking us. Trying to get him back on them and stable again but I'm trying everything I can to hold tight boundaries and remain as I love him to bits. I want him back but I just don't know anymore. We don't have kids my son from a previous marriage is 32 and we have a 4 Mth old grand daughter so are Nan and Pa. sometimes there is a glimmer of hope. I hope there is for you and the kids as well. Big hugs and support from me to you. 

Re: Living with severe depression

Its so hard. My darling hubby is the same. The exhaustion comes so close to burnout. I think they call it Carer fatigue these days. We have been together for 14 yrs married 12 ....2 yrs ago he decided to go off his meds without me knowing.  It is me holding our lives together and the struggles have been breaking us. Trying to get him back on them and stable again but I'm trying everything I can to hold tight boundaries and remain as I love him to bits. I want him back but I just don't know anymore I'm so exhausted. We don't have kids my son from a previous marriage is 32 and we have a 4 Mth old grand daughter so are Nan and Pa. sometimes there is a glimmer of hope. I hope there is for you and the kids as well. Big hugs and support from me to you. 

Re: Living with severe depression

I just want to congratulate you for being the amazing partner you are supporting your husband. I have always felt as though im a burden to my husband but he is there by my side every step of the way and to be honest if it weren't for him I dont think I'd be here. Sometimes I feel the partners and child of those with depression are over looked and we need to realise (myself) included that it is exhausting and emotionally draining. My husband feels the same as he feels helpless and doesn't know how to help. You are very brave and dont forget to take time for yourself.

Re: Living with severe depression

Thank you, I appreciate the time you've taken to respond and share your story with me. It can feel so isolating, even with all of the loving support I get from my family and friends, as at the end of the day, you come home and it's just you and your partner with this third dark cloud that has taken over, leaving me feeling like I have an extra special needs dependent to care for, without my usual best friend to face and unite strength with. Hope you can get him back on the road to treatment and recovery. Much love and care to you both 

Re: Living with severe depression

Thank you for your kind words, I'm sorry you also share this difficult path in life, how mindful you are of the impact this illness has on all of us.  It is such a cruel disease, it muddles with perception and convinces those suffering that they are to blame or should feel guilt.  This is absolutely not the case, I find myself constantly (and trying forever patiently) to remind him this is not his fault and I know this is not his choice especiallywhen he tries apologising. I am blessed and grateful that he is seeking help, I just pray to all gods listening that something finally works and breaks thru the hell hole he is stuck in. Take care xxx

Re: Living with severe depression

Thankyou I appreciate the words of kindness. It takes time. After awhile the patterns show up and I usually know when a crisis is looming but lately with him off his meds it's too hard. Up and down and all over the place. He runs rings around his phsychologist as he is extremely intelligent and learnt how to bend the systems of support. Social phobia is has greatest challenge at the momment and leaving the house is a nightmare. Even going for a walk in the country turns into a horror of suspicion and fear of people and he gets verbally abusive and angry and challenges people for looking at him. I'm lost as to how to deal with it so have stoppped going with him. Whatever happens happens I'm afraid for him but it's too strong. I'm here and will deal with the consequences if he is hospitalized.....that's all I can do. Professional intervention sometimes is the only way. If I have a breakdown he will have no one. We don't have any family support or friends. You just can't when paranoia takes over your life. It's too hard and very lonely. But we do what we can when we can.

Re: Living with severe depression

Im so sad and sorry to hear how difficult life is for you both, I have loving family and friends that I would of been lost without their support through this time, I had feelings of loneliness and isolation but I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

I asked the psychiatrist what support there was for me as a carer and someone directly impacted by mental illness, the sad reality was sorry, theres nothing in the private health system Smiley Sad

I persisted searching and reaching out to different chairties and my local council, and stumbled across the Carers Gateway, a federally funded initative, have you heard of it?

I am so far super impressed, I got a social worker assigned to help assess me and my family's needs, before she can press the button on the right services - for me, the kids, and for my husband!  Its early days, but its the first real sense that someone is focused on supporting me as i support husband.

I hope you are doing a few things to help look after you?  A book, a walk, some meditation?  Insight timer app is wonderful.

Sending positive thoughts and energy your way xx

Re: Living with severe depression

Re: Living with severe depression

Thankyou. I will definitely look into it for myself if not my husband who is resistant to everything but I recognise I need help for myself to help him as well. I have a counsellor who is helping me navigate the betrayal of a narcissistic mother and I feel I with time will be able to ask for further help with my husband as well. Its a start for me. 
I watercolour and play guitar but until I find myself again I just can't seem to get started. But I feel I will soon. Thankyou for the link. I will contact them. Bless and hugs.

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