Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Tiredmother1]

Hi im a mum just trying to help my son but doesnt matter what i do or say im alwayys the bad one.over the yelling and breaking of things and being manipulated by him hes 28 has many issues and now has schitzophrenia induced by drug taking . I know my health is suffering from all the stress and am struggling big time and dont know wgat to do . Any tips are muchly appreciated 

[Rhen]

• I wish I could advise you in any other way beyond saying what I'm about to. But in the case of a 28 year old who is suffering from drug induced schizophrenia especially if he is continuing to use drugs and not participating in treatment then the only choice may be to relocate him from your home. For your own safety mainly but also because even though you may not realise you are doing it , you are enabling his bad behaviour to occur. Please don't feel offended by that word because I'm not meaning it as a criticism at all. Not all enabling is realised to be what it is. I'm meaning it in the sense that by allowing him at 28 to remain in your home especially after he's behaving inappropriately is not a right but a privilege and if him staying after 3 months of such behaviour  is unfortunately teaching him that his behaviour has no real consequences thus why should he behave any differently? And if his behaviour is escalating be extremely prepared to be proactive in your safety because a violent child who is escalating should be regarded the same as a violent partner who is. Add drug indued psychosis to the mix then you have an extremely volatile mix. You also said your health is suffering then you need to take that into account because you are supposed to be enjoying these years not suffering through them.
• That's my 2 cents worth I guess.

[Appleblossom]

@Tiredmother1 I am a tired mother too.  You are in a heartbreaking situation.  A lot depends on his willingness to be basically responsible, drug free, and respectful to you in your home.  If you feel he is putting effort in and his outbursts are getting less, maybe there is hope.  I would make a few statements about boudnaries and expectations and as an adult how long he may expect to feel the supportive environment you provide.

I have been accused of enabling, when it was not appropriate.  Mums are hard shoes to fill.  My son has never used drugs or alcohol.  As I do believe his circumstances were out of his control and that he is putting in good effort, I have extended the safety net ... eg ... you can stay a few years if you need to ...but he pays board, and has never missed, and does odd jobs, which is trickier but we are working on it ... I believe they need to put in ... financial and chores and respect.

[tyme]

Hi @Tiredmother1 ,

How are you today? It sounds like it's been very difficult at home, and sometimes even unsafe.

I wanted to check-in with you to see how you are going and to see what supports you have in place?

[outlander]

hi @Tiredmother1 it sounds very tough at home for you

do you have any supports in place for yourself? maybe a psychologist to help you cope with the stress

Does your son have any supports in place at all? you could possible get him access to NDIS to get him supports as well as your GP on side
If you ever feel unsafe when the yelling and breaking things is happening please dont hesitate to call the police if your at risk.

[Tiredmother1]

Thankyou for your response an no offence taken yes the enabling is hard for mums to understand as we want them to be safe but they will still get what they need if we help with the good stuff . Thankyou x

[Tiredmother1]

Hi to everyone

I have him in his own place and am organizing a mentor to do shopping an other things at the moment so i can have a wee rest and get back to me stress is so not good and thankyou for everyones tips muchly appreciated and yes 9f no respect in my home he isnt welcomed here if he can get stuff he dont really need he can bloody get food whivh he needs is my thoughts ..thankyou everyone