Carers under 30...

[Former-Member]

@outlander    What is concerning you little one?

[Shaz51]

What's up @outlander  xx 

[outlander]

im worried that pop isn't going to cope without me here @Shaz51 @Former-Member
When im not here for a while and I come home he comes out of the bedroom or wherever hes been and starts complaining of his ailments esp one in particular which is also concerning me but Ive tried caling every day a few times a day, left msgs and everything for this specialist but I never get any responses. he has the drs tomorrow for this ailment so I hope he can help and also refer elsewhere.
he just doesn't seem to cope well without me here, ive noticed it for a while now but its becoming increasingly noticeable.
I need this surgery which is only a month away since it was brought forward and so much is already organised esp for him but it just doesn't seem enough. I tried to talk to him about considering maybe a respite place or even staying at his brothers house or something for a few nights but he doesn't want to do that and mention respite/nursing home and its the end of the world and tells me im not doing a good enough job and that he should come first. and then 10 minutes later he turns around and says like hes fine and hes better then yesterday. he says he can do things but then 5 minutes later he says the same things and doesn't know when/where ive booked the drs and I try to explain to him that he doesn't remember things very well so id rather go with him so nothings forgotten and it just goes down from there. I have to take the kids with me tomorrow and try to fit other things in throughout the day before the drs and while I have the kids and n between maintenance workers coming.
I don't know what to do, im upset at everything and I just cant seem to make anything ok.

[Former-Member]

@outlander  

Yikes ... short term memory issues. 

Patience = difficult, gentle answers even harder.

Trying to make everything ok = impossible.

Feeling like everything is going wrong =  

Could Pop's brother stay at your place while you have your teeth done? Could Mum help out?

The carer gateway now have a help line and I think that Carer support is also available through Wellways 

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/

https://www.wellways.org/our-services

[outlander]

its hard @Former-Member
pops brother cant stay as he lives 3 hrs away and has work but he could've went and stayed up there but he doesn't want to. mum will be with me but I have some family members popping in and spending time/checking in on him while im away.
started to do an acat assessment but pop said no he doesn't want to and as hes classed as being able to make his own decisions the plan was scrapped and now have to wait till he gets other diagnoses and other specialists arrange other supports.
until he accepts help besides me and he closer supports like his everyday gp etc im sitting on my hands.

[Former-Member]

@outlander  I know you don't want to see your Pop come to harm (as @Shaz51  feels in relation to her mum, and me & my Sis/ Mum). You have done the best you can and have made appropriate arrangements based upon his assessed level of care. 

It is very hard when we would prefer to have things done differently.

[outlander]

Thank you @Former-Member
Its hard when things are out of our control and the things we have in place dont really seem like it.
Hopefully i can get things sorted more here in the meantime esp pops ailments managed the best way possible

[Former-Member]

It is hard @outlander , but sometimes it can be liberating. 

We do the best we can with the resources we have. 

PS does the term "stubborn old goat" make you smile? It does me 😀 🐐

[outlander]

That is true @Former-Member
Yes stubborn old goat gives me a smile. Seems quite fitting 🐐

[Smc]

@outlander, this could work out in your favour. A few days of other family members having to look after your Pop may bring home to them just how much care he does need, and how much you do for him. One Auntie and Uncle of mine went into aged care, in a small apartment, but because my Auntie was doing a lot of day to day reminders and little bits of help for my Uncle, even their family didn't realise how severe his dementia had become until she died. He needed constant little reminders of where he was, what time it was, whether he should be eating lunch now etc. All those small things are wearing for the carer, but pretty much invisible to anyone looking on.
There is the real possibility that by underestimating his needs, they may fail your Pop at some point, but again, that's the kind of thing that acts as a wake-up call to how much care is needed. They will be checking him often enough by the sound of it that a dangerous failure is unlikely.

None of this is easy. We went through it with my parents, being able to see they needed help, but as long as Mum refused to accept it, we couldn't do a thing. But at the moment you need concentrate on looking after yourself.