Lived Experience Forum

[PeppiPatty]

Hello all,

@Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Janie @Former-Member @Decadian 

@Darcy,  @Shimmer, @NikNik @CherryBomb 

 @BlueBay,  @lisajane, @Fadin, @TAWNEY,  @Bimby2, @Bella, @Bella2, @TAB, @Queenie, @Diprotodon, @Angels333, @Zoe7. 

Hi, I'm in a bit of a problems...me and my husband work very hard to be together. We have certain problems with our conditions and we do as much as we can do to do the good living. We live in a group of Public Housing units which are goodl and in a very nice area. For all the blocks of units around here, we are living in the 'best,' ones, there are no real problems here.

But lately, a 60 year old  man down the units has been spreading roumors about me which are not true. He is a stirrer and a ....person who uses copious amount s of illegal substances. I got really angry at him when he took advantage of me and 'borrowed,' all my money from him and it's like he's sole job to do in life is to get me a really bad name. He is spreading these wrong rumours about me ..... do I ignore them, do I put up with the nastiness..what do I do? 

[utopia]

@PeppiPatty. If you can't reason with him - ignore him. I'm sure you're neighbours and community know who you really are. Most likely they listen to his gossip and then ignore it.
You know your self worth. Don't let him make you doubt the good people and good life you and your husband have.

[Former-Member]

oh thats not nice @PeppiPatty 

I like @utopia s advice. you're a lovely person, just ignore him best you can and be you. 

lj

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @utopia @Former-Member

Thank you but no no,

A lot of people fight over seeing him. He has the gift of a charmer and has had his own way for many many years. He had mamny of the people around here twisted around his fingers. I'm horrified what he is saying to others and they believe him. 

It's actually, really weird....yesterday, I met up with an old school friend who came to visit me and she was telling me that she didnt realise how important I was to her because everyone  treated me badly at High School, I laughed and said that hormones are terrible to get through. 

But when she left.....all these memories of how much I was bullied at High School came back to haunt me last night.

This is how I feel about this person. I cannot believe that this group of people around here can be so passive and believe Him over me. 

I dont know what to do. I feels like I have been bullied all my llife. 

[Decadian]

Hi @PeppiPatty

That is really terrible - and what indeed can you do about it - you have already been traumatised by bullies when you were a child so this makes it so much harder

It is soooooooo easy to indict someone in their absence - and even a criminal is given the chance to defend themselves in court - but you don't even have this chance

My idea would be to have a chat with the police - there isn't a whole lot they can do but it does give you a chance to have them on your side - to be aware that there is someone blacking your good name - and people will gossip - and there is nothing at all you can do to change that

So - I grew up with this little liar of a sister - and my mother believed her but dad told me this and it is pretty much the bottom line

If you are in the right - you don't need to argue

If you are in the wrong - you can't afford to

And that is easier said than done

You can't change anyone's mind or what they believe of you - and I do hear what you are saying - you are being kicked in the teeth again - but this is about all you can do - and that is to hold your head up and go about your life - and if anyone confronts you on this - or talks to you about it - deny what he as said about you with

THAT IS NOT THE TRUTH

That is all so bad - so horrible - did you really need anyone to tell you all of that - though at least you know atm and can't be surprised about it

I am really really sorry Pp

Dec

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest @Decadian

!. I sent my first two chapters to the moderators but it's breaking too many confidentiality laws of the Sane Forums and I completely 

repect that. There is no way that this SAne Forums could work otherwise.....

Thank you for your message. I LOVE your messages. 

It's really hard because it's public housing, I live in paradise. but having a 60 year  old man run around telling these malicious lies about me like: I begged him for s.... and all......

There is nothing like the police I can call I dont think but will have a think about it. 

Again, thank you for thinking about me,

PP    ps. here is a flower for you 

[utopia]

@PeppiPatty. I'm sorry this man is hurting you so much. And I'm sorry my response was a bit glib. I admit I haven't been bullied & for the most part - I'm a pretty strong character. As such - I ignore the townsfolk that gossip about me. Because I know I'm better than they think. And actually I'm a better person than them.
Unfortunately there is no law to protect you from his malicious gossip and hurtful words - unless you sue him for 'slander'.
You could try speaking to a worker at the public housing. See if they could have a private word with him. But they don't normally get involved.
I know this hurts you terribly, & I'm sorry.
People will believe what they want. And until they are stung by this charmers tongue - they will most likely keep listening to him.
As hard as it is - try not to listen to these rumours. Keep doing what you're doing.
We know you are a beautiful person. Eventually others will remember that too.
Sending you hugs. ♥♥

[Decadian]

That is a beautiful flower @PeppiPatty

Thanks so much

Dec

[Shaz51]

Hello my very special friend @PeppiPatty

I agree with @Decadian, @utopia, @Former-Member

try not to listen to these rumours.

Keep doing what you're doing.
We know you are a beautiful person. and  others will know  that too.
Sending you hugs.

My own father was like that but he did it all over town  @PeppiPatty,and my mum said don`t listen to it , everyone knows what you are like ,

which is true because people didn`t believe him and one of dad`s friend told me " he wanted to punch my dad""

[Former-Member]

hello @PeppiPatty @Shaz51 @Decadian @utopia @Former-Member

bullying makes my blood boil

quiet little me has stood up and defended others from a bully since i was a young girl

many people dont like that, makes them feel uncomfortable because they didnt stand up themselves

if he is 60years old, he will have bullied for a long time, i'm wondering who his victim was before you?

his bullying sustains him, he has to gather people close to him to justify himself. Those people will eventually work it out and move back.

In the meantime you have to live your life and feel comfortable and safe within the area of your home.

I think that I read before in one of your posts that you had befriended a leader of a church and his wife.

The church has dealt with exactly this sort of behaviour over centuries. Would you feel comfortable talking to them?  They may even know of this horrible beast of a man and have some suggestions. introduce you to others who have suffered from his bullying tactics. If he has lived there for a while there will be others.

They might be able to read a chapter during the next service to remind the congregation of looking after thy neighbour.

Out of this, the church gossipers will emerge and word will spread.

Also be aware of triggers from the past. I have been bullied at work and also by inlaws. I try to remind myself that I have survived when I feel triggered.

stay safe  xxxxx