Lived Experience Forum

[dr-ev-md]

Hi everyone, i hope i can get some help here. I have had chronic depression for the past two and a half years, haven't been back to work since my breakdown. Ive been doing all the suggested therapies, meditation, yoga, healthy eating, psychologists, doctors visits, but nothing seems to help. Since the breakdown I've separated from my wife. I enjoy living on my own, but this depression just wont let go and I cant function. I spend so much time sleeping, and then I feel like a waster, cant help how I feel. 

Is there anything that you can suggest, I know all the short term answers, walking, going away on a trip, etc. But when the cloud descends. What then?

[Kurra]

Hi @dr-ev-md

When depression has really taken control from me I set myself just one goal for the day. It can be as small as getting out of bed for a minimum of 4 hours. It doesn't matter if all I do in that 4 hours is sit in a chair staring vacantly at nothing. What does matter is that I've achieved my goal. This means that at the end of the day I've done something! This in itself makes me feel just the tiniest bit better about me.

If once I'm out of bed I choose to add another small goal I can do so but I don't have to. Start small with things you know you can achieve. Anything that will help you to feel less of a waster you'll find beneficial but I don't recommend climbing Everest tomorrow.
Achievable is the key word. Good Luck and keep talking to us.

[dr-ev-md]

Thanks for your reply, I dont really have any problem getting up, its just that i dont wake up! alarm clocks work for a while but then I dont even hear them. I also have a question about medication. how do you know if its working if i havent recovered back to 100%

[Kurra]

Medication on its own won't necessarily get you back to 100%. Speaking with a psychologist regularly I have found invaluable in conjunction with my medication.

Alarm clocks can be a daymare! I've gound leaving the curtains open helps me to wake up as the sky lightens. I also try very hard to go to bed at the same time each night and get up at the same time 7 days a week. It does eventually become habit and your internal clock will take over.

Mind you I turned the alarm off this morning and decided I would listen to the news and then get up. Hmm I was 3hrs 10mins late for work today. 😳

[suzanne]

Hi @dr-ev-md, it sounds like you're being very proactive but can't quite pierce through the depression yet.  In terms of the meds, a rough gauge is that when you notice that you're not getting angry or tearful as frequently, you're approaching a therapeutic dose.  Sometimes it takes longer to notice the sadness or lethargy dissipating. 

I agree with @Kurra about creating small achievable goals and some daily structure will help.  If you're now adrift from work and your marriage it may be hard to find sources of achievement and a sense purpose.  These things support our self-worth and give us a reason to get up and get going.

Ultimately, I think that recovery is pieced together from a patchwork of solutions.  So keep plugging away and remember that all your efforts will pay off in time.  It's not wasted even if you're not feeling the immediate benefits.

[ThirtyOne]

Waking up to natural light is a really good way to let the brain and body get into a pattern of waking up at a certain time. If possible sleep with the curtains open.

I agree a psychologist has helped me but mainly because I am such a massive thinker that when I get there each visit I can just pour it all out. I also get given different techniques on how to manage my negative self talk or learning not to unpack emotionally over every small thing.
Mindfulness is also proven to be a really beneficial practice to help with depression, there are a few apps you can down load. It can take awhile to get into it. I had trouble with being able to really relax and rest or being in the moment. Mindfulness has helped to focus on what's happening right now rather than yesterday or tomorrow which I'm prone to do lol.
My dr explained mindfulness as slowly getting your brain to take a path it hasn't used in awhile, like bushwalking and people constantly taking a short cut, eventually the old path is all grown over and not used. Doing mindfulness routinely, trains the brain to start using areas that are switched off during depression.
Also the amount of pre midnight sleep you get can affect you dramatically. Vitamin D tablets have been helpful to some people. I've been having vitamin b12 injections to which I personally find help.
It's a case of trial and error I think to find something that works for you, sometimes it takes awhile hey.

[dr-ev-md]

Thanks for all your contributions, too late now but I am definatly going to try the early night thing from tomorrow. Ive got into a really bad habit of staying up late. seems like you have some good support going on, one of my problems is that when I want to be pessimistic I WILL find the doctors or psyc's weakness, and then feel that they are only in it for the money or whatever. Then I miss out, even though sometimes I am correct in my analysis. LOL

[ThirtyOne]

Finding a dr or psych you feel comfortable with is like trying to find the right pair of jeans lol. Its tough, and finding one you don't click with can be a big knock back, and I can see why people might not try again.
Lol yes it's easy to say you are going to have an early night, actually doing it is the hard part!
I'm never asleep much before 12, but I've been reading up on the benefits of going to sleep well before midnight and apparently those specific hours are really important for your brain.
My problem is knowing all the right things I should be doing for my wellbeing, but not actually doing it!
I also have time where I'm sceptical of my dr or psych but I'm trying to stick it out this time so I can manage my mental health long term for a change, sometimes I feel very negative with the process and sometimes I get something out of it that helps. Good luck with your early night! Try and spend some time in the sun today 🙂

[Sahara]

Hi @dr-ev-md,

Have you been on the same medication for 2 and a half years? You might need to go back and have your dose reviewed by the doctor that prescribed it. Sometimes excessive sleepiness can be a side-effect of medication. 

I just remember my psychiatrist saying to me, way back in the day.... "Most people who take this antideressant in the dose that you're on just want to sleep all day."  The pills did make me feel tired, but feeling tired was way better than feeling depressed and crazy-terrified, so I didn't care about the tiredness. 

You say that you enjoy living alone, so that makes me think that feeling depressed is not a problem for you right now? Do you still feel low and have bleak thoughts? 

Do you enjoy socializing? Do you have any hobbies that make you feel engaged and interested?

[dr-ev-md]

thanks for taking the time to make a contribution, yes i do have hobbies, I have a motorbike and I like fishing and camping, and other stufff but the problem is motivation, its that dammed spiral. You sit around feeling depressed the jobs build up you TRY to catch up on tasks, the fog lands again and off we go. and you cant go out and enjoy yourself when the house is like shit,sink full of dishes, washing basket full etc. I need a housekeeeper. LOL.