I just need to vent and get the feelings of betrayal and hurt off my chest.
I was with my ex for 11 years and thought that we would grow old together.
I loved him completely, but I've always struggled with anxiety and depression which he never understood or made any attempts to learn more about.
I would do hours of research on things that impacted him, like learning as much as I possibly could on ADHD, on the heart condition he had or even ways to quit smoking.
In 2023 all the stress, the years of neglect from him, it resulted in me burning out.
Everything suffered, but especially my work and I was eventually let go from my job.
I ended up sobbing in a ball in the shower.
I still hadn't recovered when I went out seeking a new job, because he was complaining about the strain on our finances and saying "I just don't want you to be lazy".
After being jerked around and not getting a solid job from a company, I sunk into a deep depression.
I was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD) and switched from my old medication to a new one when I had a mental health plan.
This is ontop of my anxiety and chronic depression.
During this time my ex would complain about housework not being done and cooking dinners being infrequent or not to his liking.
Or he would simply come home and ignore me entirely.
Everything came crashing down after he ended up in hospital due to a heart attack.
He was sent to a different city, because they had a better cardiology unit, and it was difficult to go see him.
He needed to undergo surgery and I had to act as his proxy after complications and a second operation were needed.
His recovery was slow, and I tried my best to care for him, travelling for hours to see him and getting very little sleep.
After he was released from hospital I was acting as his carer, keeping his surgical wounds clean, managing his medications and pain relief, assisting with walking and showers, and trying to get him to eat.
He quickly insisted he wanted to visit his friend and spend time with them.
She had a car and license and I didn't, she helped get him to appointments and was the one who got him home from the other city's hospital.
But soon he was spending entire days, then overnight there. Using the excuses he needed to get out of the house and her son needed a solid male role model.
He told me he just needed space and time; I was so stressed and on the brink, I requested my doctor increase my medication temporarily.
A full week passed with him being at her place and no contact from him.
I texted him we needed to have a serious conversation about our relationship and he dropped the bombshell.
He no longer loved me, hadn't in 4 years and he just wanted an amicable breakup. Over text.
And denying any cheating even though it was less than a week after he finally got up the balls to be honest with me.
I have been going through so many emotions these 9 months and going over so many past things in my mind, and trying to rebuild my life.
To date I've lost weight [edited by moderator] (I was overweight and am eating healthier now), am on antidepressants and a sleep medical for crippling insomnia, and infrequently spend little time outside my house.
I am not entirely alone: I have two beautiful cats, who are excellent emotional support.
They act as my anchor, keeping me grounded and motivating me out of bed.
My older brother is also amazing, even though he's in a different state he calls weekly and offers a shoulder to lean on.
I have mostly written this down to get it off my chest, but advice would be welcome.
I'm really glad that you've found this space and have felt able to share what you're going through. It sounds as though this has been an enormous shock. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, though I'm glad to hear that you have your cats (I have 2 cats too, they're such beautiful supports aren't they?) and your brother checking in, and now you've got the forums community too 💜
