Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Hi Forum Friends I have been extermely doubtfull of my worth recently and would like to ask what are some good suggestions for how to rebuild self confidence ? any tips would be apprecieted,like is there small things I can do each day to rebuild confidence and positive sense of self ? thanks for any suggestions you may have as Self doubt,low self confidence has become too much a kind of mountain for me as of lately so thank you if you could help remind me what I can do to bring that confidence back Im also going to start a new thread related to this as a way to have a better outlook on things in general

[Monkeymagic]

I think there are lots of things that can build confidence. It's about finding what works best for you. A little thing I do is to tell myself I've done a good job after I've done something. Self talk can help you feel better about yourself even as much as someone else telling you you've done a good job.

[Gwynn]

Hi @LostAngel , something that helps me is to do something I enjoy - this can be something new or something I'm working on improving my skills at, or something I'm already good at (but challenging myself in a new way). If I think about how I've improved my skills at something, I usually feel more confident in myself. For me, it's knitting and cooking and studying and general self-care tasks (although I'm not at @Arizona's level yet with the self-care tasks).  It sort of 'sparks joy' and helps me build my skills towards bigger challenges. 

[Lost9]

Hi @LostAngel @Gwynn @Monkeymagic,

For me, my self confidence starts with trying to be the best person I can be. That means, thinking of others, meeting life with a sense of humour, to keep trying when things get down, to value family and friends and potential friends I meet, being kind and compassionate, tolerant etc. people are born with different intellects, and abilities which they can nurture but a person's character is what really counts. If I could be brilliant but a horrible person or less bright but a nice person, I would choose the latter. If I know I have tried to be the best person I can be then I am relatively satisfied. When I have fallen short of that goal I feel I have let myself and others down. Overall I believe I am an ok person and if you can say that about yourself you should have the confidence to meet anyone. I hope that helps and you start to feel more confident in yourself.

lost9.

[Owlunar]

@Lost9 @LostAngel @Gwynn @Monkeymagic 

I believe in try, try and try again and not taking life too seriously -  when we achieve our goal then acknowledge it - when we don't do well then accept that and think what we learned - trial and error helps us to gain resilience and confidence will grow simply by trying and sometimes achieving

Of course - keep our early efforts achievable - we can't get a university degree overnight - we can achieve small things though

Have you ever watched a baby learning to walk? They keep bouncing onto that padded little butt - no one has told them is is not for them - and in reality - they really need to do this - I watched two people learn to walk - and they just did. They gained confidence just trying

All the best and keep the thread running and let us know what you achieve as you gain confidence

Dec

[Clawde]

You go guys love to follow it sound smart and needed in this time of our lives  ❤️👍love from your Clawde 👍

[LostAngel]

Hi Everyone thanks so much  I highly reccomend talking to the Sane Helpline as I had a call with them today and through their listening and caring attitude that helped improove my confidence,also positive self talk does help although Im still training my mind in regards to that as negativity has become an unpleasent habit, I also think that Creativity helps to improove mood and confidence,so Im trying day by day and today was definetly a vast improovement also Ive decided to order some books online from Amazon self help type books which Ill look forward to reading 

[Historylover]

For me, @LostAngel , gaining, increasing, self-confidence comes with learning new skills and becoming satisfactorily proficient at them, then moving on to my next challenge.  That may be in advancing my education in a particular subject, a new sport, a new craft, a new recipe..............finding that you have abilities you didn't know you had.  Surprise yourself.  Don't just rest on your laurels.

Sending best wishes.

[LostAngel]

thanks @Historylover  I have started being more interested in cooking and Ive just ordered some self help books to read,I enjoy music so have tried that in recent days,singing,although I may try again,I will keep trying to find creative things to do craft is another good idea maybe even just adult colouring books or painting to start with or maybe mosaics Ill find something,been trying to remind myself of inner strengths I have ,also excercise is another good option,been watching an interesting show about travel,could try baking again too I supose as Ive done that previously,or maybe jewlery making thanks for the motivation 

[HenryX]

Hello @LostAngel 

and

Others considering the question of self-Confidence and Assertiveness

All the links in the material offered, are active and can by accessed from this presentation

I used to hear about self-assertiveness or just assertiveness, when at work, and would think to myself, "how do I get some of that?" as if it were a commodity, that could be acquired. But, obviously, it isn't a commodity or something that you could buy in a shop.

“

Confidence isn't about “how to get some", as I described thinking about assertiveness, but rather learning what it is, and why we didn't grow up learning confidence as a skill or attribute. I did not learn self-confidence or self-assertiveness during my childhood and teen years. Even though it may not appear so when looking at what I write, I learned neither of those attributes, as a child, or until early in my adult life. If you do not know about something or what it is, you cannot practice it, and it can therefore, be very easily confused with far less worthy attributes, such as aggression or even bullying. Unfortunately that means that assertiveness often gets a bad reputation. It is even passed off by some trainers, in a style that could sometimes be confused with aggressiveness.

“

Unfortunately, aggression and greed are sometimes presented as the attributes of confident and assertive people. However, by definition that connection is incorrect, and I believe that it is certainly worth knowing the differences.

“

Self-Confidence

The following description is from this website:

https://www.usf.edu/student-affairs/counseling-center/top-concerns/what-is-self-confidence.aspx

“Self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weaknesses well, and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.

“

What Is Assertiveness?

The following extract is from this website:

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Assertiveness.htm

Quote:

“It's not always easy to identify truly assertive behaviour. This is because there's a fine line between assertiveness and aggression, and people can often confuse the two. For this reason, it's useful to define the two behaviours so that we can clearly separate them:

• Assertiveness is based on balance. It requires being forthright about your wants and needs, while still considering the rights, needs and wants of others. When you're assertive, you are self assured and draw power from this to get your point across firmly, fairly and with empathy.

• Aggressive behaviour is based on winning. You do what is in your own best interest without regard for the rights, needs, feelings, or desires of other people. When you're aggressive, the power you use is selfish. You may come across as pushy or even bullying. You take what you want, often without asking.”

“

The Government of Western Australia website:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Assertiveness

has an excellent 10 Module “Workbook – Assert Yourself”

You can download each module under the respective headings or the full 10 modules by clicking

on this page

“Download the entire workbook”

Introduction from the website page:

“Assertiveness means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to minimise conflict, to control anger, to have your needs better met, and to have more positive relationships with friends, family and others.”

The Modules in the workbook are:

Workbook - Assert Yourself!

and can be downloaded individually by each of the following numbered links

Module 1: What is Assertiveness?	Module 2: How to Recognise Assertive Behaviour
Module 3: How to Think More Assertively	Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively
Module 5: Reducing Physical Tension	Module 6: How to Say “No” Assertively
Module 7: How to Deal Assertively with Criticism	Module 8: How to Deal with Disappointment Assertively
Module 9: How to Give and Receive Compliments Assertively	Module 10: Putting it All Together

Download the entire workbook

I hope that this information will assist in helping to

develop the positive skills and attributes of

Assertiveness and Self-Confidence.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX