Lived Experience Forum

[florencefifty]

About three or four months ago, I had a massive mental health crisis. I ran away from home, to a different city. I was homeless for three weeks, with winter fast approaching. 

A few weeks before that, I had lost my job, having been made redundant. It was out of my control. I didn’t want to admit it, though, so I continued going to the city, as if I was working.

Can you guess what happens when someone who has a problem with alcohol, has a whole city full of bars and the whole day to himself?

I WELL and truly lost control of it.

I have found myself thinking about that time, and I feel ashamed. Embarrassed. I “cringe” thinking about it. Like “what the […] was I thinking?” 

The funny thing is, though, my family don’t judge me for it, but I’m judging myself. You would think it’s the other way around.

I reported myself to Police in the other city, about three or four days after I went missing. They, of course, closed their investigation and my family were left to look for me themselves.

They did. When my family found me, they asked me a bunch of questions about what happened, and they clearly asked me to answer them honestly. They said that they weren’t going to judge me and that’s what happened. They now refer to that incident, going to that city, almost like it was a holiday LOL.

So why am I now trying to avoid the subject? I don’t know if I have an answer, it’s very interesting.

It’s very strange, being homeless for three weeks and getting a corporate job just three weeks later. That feels a little strange too, as if it’s downplaying what happened. It’s true, my life before and after the incident is WAAYYY more sheltered than the life most homeless people have to live. The reality is, it doesn’t matter. It can happen to anyone. But it doesn’t feel like that.

I went to a charity that did free meals for the homeless.

They do them four days a week, because sadly, they can’t get enough volunteers to do them Friday to Sunday. My sister asked how I ate on those days, and the truth is, I didn’t. At all.

I went from not eating for five days straight to having lunch at a well-known restaurant. It is sad to see how homeless people have to live. And not everyone is kind to them.

I remember being in a fast food restaurant that’s open 24 hours. A group of people came in from the football stadium. One of them sat down, looked around and saw that there were a number of homeless people sleeping in the booths. He said “what is this, a hostel?” He said out loud “useless pieces of […]”. He’s a “brave” man, I was very surprised to see that none of them retaliated.

Generally, though, people’s generosity was very surprising to me. That charity was crazy. They had free meals, as I mentioned, but they also did showers, free medical treatment for the homeless, support services, consultations with social workers… all donated. My Mum said “you have to do something back now, you would have been […] without their help.”

It’s an experience I’ll never forget, nor should I forget… 

[tyme]

That's incredible insight @florencefifty .

Your posts are always so interesting to read. I can see how you have been able to see that one good deed deserves another. I'm also a firm believer in paying it forward. 

I also wouldn't be here without those who had a heart.

Good on you @florencefifty .

[Appleblossom]

@florencefifty 

Sounds like a big eye opening and heart opening adventure.  Treasure the memories.

I am mindful of the homeless and connect with them every now and then.  I am no longer homeless but was, as a child and a teen.

Congrats on job.  Yep that stuff happens Good on YOU.  My ex went from the psych ward to a job interview as computer constultant and got it.  Hey! Whats normal??

Take care Good to see you.

[faithandhope]

@florencefifty your family is right when they call it a holiday lol. You shouldn't feel ashamed. You just had a moment. I would love to experience having a family that doesn't judge and cares enough to look for you . That is so beautiful.

With regards to that entitled human being at the 24hour fast food place he is like so many out there that have no idea the struggle most of us normal ones face each day. Sadly people like that somehow just cruise thru life .