Lived Experience Forum

[Rosewood]

This started Friday morning when I was in a really bad mood keep in mind I'm on a low does of meds because I have never been on med before so I figured not taking them was right I didn't need them, so throughout the day I was in a bad mood til dinner I wouldn't eat dinner mum didn't let me leave til I finshed mind you it was one toasted sandwich, now I was saying to her that I had lunch that day I already eaten that day and she didn't care and I couldn't leave the table a hour passed and she's shouting at me to eat eventually I shouted "I DONT CARE IF I STARVE I WANT TO DIE" then she ran grabbed my wrists dragged me into my room and shouted in my face "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS YOU DONT CARE YOU NEVER DID ARE YOU AWAER YOUR BREAKING THIS FAMLIY APART ARE YOU" at this point she went out of my room called my aunty to pick me up Because mum was afraid to hurt me now I'm blaming everything on myself I just want to be normal again.

[Snowie]

Hi @Rosewood 

Wow that seems tough to go through. That must have been really hard to be in the middle of it.

You certainly are not to blame for what happened. It sounds like you were put in a really difficult situation with little way out.

Do you see any professional supports?

I tell myself too that I just want to be normal, but really what is that? Everyone's version of normal is different.

I hope your Aunt came and picked you up and got some quiet time.

[Rosewood]

Hi @Snowie 

Yes my aunty did come and pick me up to remove me from the situation also I use to have professional support but we are low on money so we can't afford anything.

[Snowie]

I'm glad your Aunty cam and picked you up @Rosewood 

You should be able to apply for help through the local community. I'm not sure how it works so will tag a @moderator. They might be able to point you in the right direction.

We all deserve to be given help and it sounds like you could really benefit from it too.

I hope you find the forums as supportive as I do. They really help me in talking to people who have life experiences like I do.

[Eniac]

Good day. Unusual, though not unheard of that an introduction to some medications can cause negative effects for the first meeting with the body and mind. Acathesia is what one of my medical professionals called it when I had a very bad reaction to a new medication. Was almost as if it actually exacerbated what was meant to be controlled. Terrible.

Anyhow, whilst refraining from making assumptions as to your fruition on this planet, I will confidently state that although many families have tough times, there are situations,.. sounding likely, where the average person is unaware of the correct course of interaction with someone whom fairly clearly is brooding on unreleased information. What, exactly, that information is... is entirely up to you to share.

And, based on the context and alleged timeline.. is fairly recent. I'd be somewhat sad if such disturbance and violence was and had been the norm for more than a day.. in anyone's life.

But, do not lose faith and love in family. They are, as the true thoughts you have.. your closest and oldest friends. Whether we care or not.. whether we believe we're immortal or not.. our shared time, here, is limited. 

Peace, understanding to the best of our ability and patience is key to enjoying the stars. 

Don't follow the rings mate. That is how the cycle and misunderstanding continues and evolves. 😉

[Paperdaisy]

Thanks @Snowie I'll check in with you privately @Rosewood and see if we can find some support options.

[Rosewood]

Thank you @Paperdaisy 

[theperksofbeing]

@Rosewood 

honestly, i can see myself a little bit in you. i have trouble regulating my emotions and tend to use outburts/tantrums/anger as an outlet, that leaves me feeling guilty and honestly so exhausted with myself. ur definitely not alone, and ur lucky that you can have time away from your family to breathe and have ur own space a bit! This might just be the initial medication trialling but if its a recurrent problem before meds, one thing that has helped me was to actually write/type my anger out. for some reason, it helps me process my emotions and once the page is closed, i feel like i can "let go" of it. but funnily enough, there are time where i just feel too angry to write and scribble all over the page, but wound up feeling okay after. I call it my "hate" journal, instead of a regular journal with the good and bad. Hope your okay, and forgive yourself. You're growing and learning, that takes time, forgiveness and most importantly, patience. I'm rooting for you!