Lived Experience Forum

[Chelsea10]

TW: Food Intake

Hi,

I’m new to the forum and have never tried anything like this before. I have had many mental health plans, taken different doses of medication, have seen a number of psychologists and yet the issue persists… I have had depression for almost 15 years, I think I am chemically imbalanced because I don’t have any major traumas, just mental illness in some of my extended family. 

Like many, I am a functioning person with mental illness and most would not know my struggles. I hide my illness from most because people who do not go through it or other mental health issues don’t generally understand. My partner is lovely and understanding but because he has never experienced it I feel like he cannot possibly understand that I struggle to get through each day. He is a go getter and I want so badly to be successful but my depression affects every facet of my life so I feel like I’m constantly trying to keep pace with others to the detriment of my own health. I feel like a total fake, pretending I’m a functioning person and as soon as my partner goes away and I don’t have to pretend anymore I just spiral. Today was one of those days…

Content/trigger warning

today I have eaten food until my stomach hurts. I use food as a coping mechanism, probably because for a split second it makes you feel good. I did nothing productive like I wanted to and just lazed around and have eaten until I am sick to my stomach and in my head. I’ve had a vegetable gozleme, a hash brown and salad tortilla wrap, 2 hashbrowns in a Turkish roll, a chocolate chip cookie large size, some noodles, some protein pasta with hommus and another Turkish roll with avocado. I just lost it.

The house is not organised, I did not go to university which is a degree I’ve been studying for 13 years because of mental illness and I’ve consumed so much unnecessary food. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself. It takes so much more for me to keep on top of everything and I get so tired, mentally not physically. Any advice for helping not turn to damaging vices to help mental illness? Particularly food. I feel like it’s a vicious cycle, I turn to food for mental illness and the food fuels my mental illness further with feelings of guilt and self loathing. Thanks! 

[tyme]

Hi @Chelsea10 ,

Thank you for posting. I hear how food and depression is very much related here. For some people, when they feel low, they tend to eat. Conversely, there are others for when they feel down, don't eat.

I read that you feel there is some chemical imbalance? I'm wondering whether you have spoken to a GP about it? They may run a few tests to see if there is anything physical going on.

Also, do you have any other professional supports you can work with on how to work on some of those thinking patterns which in turn affect behaviour?

Please know you are not alone. I hear it is hard, but from experience, things can and do get better.

[SmilingGecko]

@Chelsea10 you could try "earthing" or learning to balance your chakras. These will stop you from craving food.  It may not necessarily be the info you want to hear but its what has worked for lots of people including myself. I recognise you possibly aren't into this kind of stuff normally but its certainly a great way to bring balance to the body to stop comfort eating.

Earthing consists on using a rubber mat with an earthing wire to an electrical switch. You can put the earthing mat under your desk with your feet rested on it or you can also sleep on top of an earthing sheet with metallic thread through it. 

There was a movie made about the earthing phenomenon. Its over 10 years old now, you may be able to find it for free off you tube. Lots of people are into it - health enthusiasts, athletes, you name it.

There was also a book written about it. Balancing your chakras can go a long way to stop over eating. You can listen to sound audios off you tube that balance each chakra and it should resolve the problem nicely

[Sunny23]

Hey Chelsea,

Ah, gosh, I feel this so much. The depression/food link can be so hard. I'm going through the loops of it at the moment, too. 

Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time), I forget to pat myself on the back for the positive things I've managed to achieve on tougher days. Sometimes that's just that I had a shower and brushed my teeth, or that there were at least some nutritious foods included in amongst the biscuits, chocolate and everything else that calls to me from the pantry. 

I don't have any answers right now but one thing I do know is that there is hope! Small wins have been really helpful in bouying my own self-esteem of late. Maybe that could help you? What's one task that feels achievable, no matter how seemingly insignificant it might seem? Take the garbage out. Water a plant. Make the bed. Even just straighten up the cushions on the couch. And then pat yourself on the back like you've won a crazy hard competition (because you have, it's called the Depression Olympics!). 

And re the food part... Sometimes I can generate the determination to make more positive choices and sometimes I can't. I'm a human, I'm trying my best, and I'm getting help. And today that's the best I can ask of myself. 

How about you? 

[Chelsea10]

That’s really interesting. I have a friend that is quite spiritual and she has talked about some similar ideas so I’m not opposed to it. I’ll have to look it up! Thanks for the suggestion

[Chelsea10]

Hi, that is good advice. Part of my mental health issues is having deep self loathing so I do really struggle to be kind to myself and acknowledge all the little things. I do work, have almost finished a law degree and also do a lot of things for others. Logically I know these are good things but I often compare myself to others who don’t struggle with mental health and get down on myself again. I will try to keep small wins in my mind! Thank you for the comment 🙂