It truly feels like you're writing a part of my story, and I resonate deeply with what you've shared. I'm someone who can play classical guitar but struggles to even pull it out of its case. I've created wonderful drawings but find it hard to put a pencil in my hand. It's a challenging space to be in, and I understand that feeling of being stuck and finding it hard to access your "tools."
First, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your daughter. That must be incredibly difficult to bear.
As for me, I'm a 57-year-old woman, and I recently married the love of my life. My perspective on life has always been, "I don't care about money or prestige because I've seen how easily those things can be lost." Even though I deeply adore my three very successful brothers, I also see them as damaged and emotionally fragile men.
For years, I felt scared and isolated in my unit, but getting a puppy has truly helped me feel less alone.
My husband has his own issues and he's not perfect. It's taken us a few years to get into our own niche, just like with any relationship,
but I love spending every day with him. He understands me; we get each other.
In a recent therapy session, my therapist shared several opinions about him that genuinely surprised me. I spent the next day trying hard to understand her point of view, but I just couldn't. It kept rolling in my head. I found myself wondering,
"Is it something I'm used to that surprised me so much?" and "Why didn't I immediately address it?"
It's clear that feeling overlooked truly hit a nerve for me. I've needed so much from society – a therapist, various support workers, even a unit to live in.
What truly bothered me was the feeling that, even for that five minutes, she seemed to overlook all the hard work I've put into therapy.
It was difficult, but I decided to send her an email explaining my position before I went to bed. She has since apologized, but I'm still left wondering what her apology truly signifies, especially when I consider her privileged life.
After all, what do I have besides knowing "I'm a nothing?" I get much enjoyment writing on Quora messages, which I record and become part of my diary, thinking that when I'm strong enough, I might use my insights.
Many years ago, probably around 2011, I discovered a wonderful meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn called "Wherever You Go, There You Are." I didn't fully understand it at first; something bad happened to me that I've only understood lately, but my brain was spinning for years. Still, I committed to listening to it for at least five minutes most days. Looking back now, I can see how it has helped me. I would really urge you to check it out if you feel open to it.
Your experience with loneliness and the difficulty accessing your tools truly resonated with me, and I hope sharing my story offers some comfort or a different perspective..
@cloudcore @holdinghope5 @Mooma1 @FickleFred @tyme @AuntGlow @Glisten @ENKELI @TAB
Aahttps://youtu.be/DW0G5u1uziM?si=2nQp9yD3x8g5omY_
![Jon Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go There You Are [Part 1]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DW0G5u1uziM/hqdefault.jpg "Jon Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go There You Are [Part 1]")
