Not coping

[john74]

• Hello l, m back after a break from the forum.  I have settled in a new location since being separated and being subjected to domestic violence ( not physically) in my marriage. I feel she still has control over me by stalling the property setlement and the kids still are not speaking. I can't find employment because at a recent medical the doctors felt l was too stressed. I feel l need someone to care for me in person and remotely it's just a constant struggle each day as l can't trust anyone. I don't have any family or friends to talk to and l wonder what is the point when everything important was taken away from me and no hope of moving on in future. 

[amber22]

Hello @john74 and welcome back to the forums after your break!! 

I am so glad to hear that you have made a better space for yourself, and that you were able to rebuild something that is better for you. I'm sorry to hear that you still feel controlled by the situation though. The one thing to remember during a stressful situation is to only take one step at a time, and to only focus on one foot in front of the other. It seems like you have a lot going on at the moment, which would be really hard to navigate all at once, so try to focus on the one step in front of the other for now. I think a good start would be to focus on relaxing your nervous system, and trying to get your body to leave that state of stress. Whatever this may look like to you, if you're able to start with that it might help you in terms of gaining a job in the near future, and being able to detach yourself from your reality for a little bit to enjoy something. 

Sending you lots of virtual hugs,

Amber22

[john74]

Thanks @amber22 . I just feel totally useless to anyone , work family etc. I can only get very limited support on the property issues and l can't afford a court battle. It's like she wants to continue controlling me with no light at the end of the tunnel. 

[amber22]

That must be really tough, I am sorry to hear that is happening right now, you are definitely not alone in this situation, we're here for you @john74 

You have all of us on the forums for support, but also are you also able to speak to someone professionally/ or are you currently getting help professionally for how you are feeling right now? 

[Former-Member]

hey @john74, I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like a lot is going on and it's hard to get support where you live. 

Have you ever phoned the SANE Drop-in line? It's our occasional counselling service that you can call through. They could be good to call to speak about what's going on for you. And you might be eligible for our Guided Service (more ongoing support). Have a look ❤️  

You're not alone in this. 

[Simba142]

Hi @john74 I have felt the same way in the past and still do, like an existential crisis. I hope your kids can and want to talk again soon. I’m hopeful that one day, in time, you will find something or someone that strips away the pain of the past. 

[john74]

Hi @amber22 l am getting occasional counselling from a mental health nurse practitioner but she is away until mid March. 

[john74]

Thanks @Former-Member l will look into your suggestions. I hate being so negative but it's just the way l feel . I need to be able to feel wanted again .My doctor increased my medication after the separation but l still has issues sleeping properly and have regular headaches possibly stress related. I have lost about 5 kg since November. 

[john74]

Thanks @Simba142 . I am told it could be up to 5 years on average before adult children reconnect with their dads. It depends how long their mother continues to blame me for everything. 

[john74]

I have found myself a new GP because l had to move and she is nice so that is one positive thing.