At this point in my life I have accepted that at least once every 2 years someone will die. Lately we are on a once a year run. My grandmother died the year before last, my uncle last year and my grandfather has just been diagnosed with chronic heart failure. There was a break just before that for a year then 5 more deaths in consecutive years.
When my uncle pasted away last year he left behind 2 sons (16 and 15), a wife he had only been married to for a year and 2 stepsons (12 and 8). The day he passed away my aunt (M) who no one had seen or spoken to in a couple years since the last death on that side of my family steam rolled my entire family. She yelled and screamed at my mother and aunt (C). She even got to a point where she told her younger sister (C) that she wished she had been the one to die instead.
She took over planning the funeral not giving any information to the other 3 siblings. She told my grandfather who paid for the entire funeral he didn't get to say a speech as the father of the deceased usually does. And when she eventually agreed to let him write a speech, checked over it and omitted any parts she didn't like and then put a time limit on how long he got to speak. This made my grandfather borderline suicidal and his other 2 children have since been spending time trying to help him mentally. M made the decision initially that due to the emotional pain of my uncle's death she was not able to give a speech on behalf of his siblings, so C volunteered to give the speech asking me to stand up there with her as a form of emotional support. My uncle's wife agreed on C giving the speech. 2 days later M decides she would give the speech and told C she wasn't worthy of it.
The funeral was a complete disaster people were placing bets on how long it would take before one of the other 3 siblings were going to hit M or start screaming and yelling. But eventually it was over admittedly C and my mum were so drunk they couldn't see straight but the funeral was done. And a week later M went back home.
It is now 4 months later, my uncle's wife was arguing continually with his sons and she has since abandoned them. They have given the choice as to what they want to do however everything is currently going through M as she has stuck her nose in again. The younger boy has decided to move out and wants to stay with M which is his choice. However the older boy is currently in the middle of his HSC and would like to finish school here before he changes anything. There were limited options for what could happen, I suggested that seeing as tho the older boy wanted to stay in the house, I could stay in the spare bedroom of the house for the year and then he could decide from there however I said to the rest of my family may need some help with some of the bills which they are all fine with. This option went to M and called my grandmother who was out with my mother and C and stated that them trying to help was just a pain in the ass and all they do is become angry about how everything is not right and the world is fucked. Which is not true. She then stated that me staying at the house to let the older boy finish his studies in his own house would be a stupid decision. I am 21 year old, I have a full time job, I have raised my 3 siblings my entire life, a 17 year old doesn't need someone to watch over him full-time. He has his own job and car Id just be there in case he needs it that's all. I'd do the housework and keep the house up to date that is all id be there for. M is my godmother and for some reason hates me more than life itself is my current beliefs. She has stated in numerous occasions I have no right to get to know her kids who are my cousins because in her mind apparently im a drug addict, who drinks excessively, is violent and will never be able to hold down anything. I have never done drugs a day in my life, I have been drunk twice in the last 21 years, I am by no means a violent person and I passed my HSC by studying everyday in highschool without taking a lunch break with an 89.6 and have currently held the same full-time job for the pasted 3 years. So I don't get where she gets this allusion from but I know that everytime anyone has any conversations with her they end up in tears and everyone except for Ms life gets a little bit worse.
I dont exactly know what I want. I want a relationship with my cousin's I always have, I was just never given a chance and am still being shut down every time I ask and I don't know whether I have the energy to fight for them anymore.
I think I more put the post up as a way to get it all off my chest and to see if other people know what any of this is like or have a similar thing that might happened to them.
I have a psychologist I see once every 2 months however I don't really have a support network because this is just the latest part of my story the entire story is so much worst and has caused me to trust no one.
Maybe in due time, you will be able to reconnect with your cousin...after all, after a certain age, they have their own mind. I can see how fighting for it can be exhausting.
Thank you for trusting the community here to share your story.
I am okay. I still kinda want to send my aunt a text to tell her where she can put all of her lies and manipulations but I don't know whether I should cause it'll probably just make my mother cry and my grandmother yell at me. Yeah so conflicted as to react on my emotional response or the logical thinking that follows.
