Lived Experience Forum

[Neuro_Spicy]

I work in health care and have done for 12? Years.

Over the past 3 months I have began to struggle more and more due to an increased work load and a number of complex clients.

I have a history of CPTSD, ADHD, anxiety & alcohol abuse.

I’ve reached out to my manager, to my managers manager and finally to HR.

I’ve been promised help and it hasn’t been provided. 
I’m weeks behind in my work. 

I took 3 days off on stress leave and emailed my boss for assistance - I didn’t get it and instead returned to 3 days worth of work not completed. 

After breaking down yesterday with my psychiatrist, she sent a letter to work.

They’ve emailed me today with all the ways they have claimed to help (none of it has actually been actioned) and turned it around to ask me if something has changed for me to mean I can no longer complete the tasks required for the role….

I feel like a failure.

I feel like they’re not listening.

And I’m at a loss as to what to do.

My nightmares have increased, my anxiety has increased and I’m constantly on edge.

Im not sleeping properly - and when I do I wake up from nightmares.

Some have said maybe I need a new job; I don’t think it’s that easy. I feel like I’m going to face challenges where ever I go because depending on the day, I may need support with my role.

I’m good at my job but when given the workload of others and I get behind, I struggle to get on top.

if I could get help with the over due work, I’m confident I can maintain my role. But I’m not getting the help.

I’ve also asked for flexible work arrangements to attend my mental health supports and they reluctantly said year said no other flexible arrangements would be considered. 

I feel broken and defeated and have no idea what to do next.

Im wondering if this is all worth the fight?

[tyme]

Hey there @Neuro_Spicy ,

I hear you. I hear how stressful things have been. It must be so frustrating to feel that you are not being heard or that people don't care. I acknowledge you have been able to recognise that you cannot do all that work and you have emailed the boss, AND taken time off - good on you.

From my experience in a a similar organisation, I found that it's not because they don't want to find you some help, but rather, they are just so stretched for workers. Health care workers are really stretched right now, and the more stretched they feel, the more likely people are to leave. 

Yet this situation doesn't answer your question, nor does it help.

Firstly, do you want to stay in the industry?

If so, there comes a point that if the work is not done, then it's not done. You are ONE person. I remember when I had to email the head, and I said that if they want me to do XYZ, then I am going to forego doing ABC. These were boundaries I had to set in order to do my job properly. I realised it was better than accepting that I could do all the work and then not produce.

Does any of this resonate? Totally okay if it doesn't.

Bottomline, PLEASE take care of yourself first. Put those firm boundaries in. You can only do what you can do - what you cannot do doesn't mean you have failed. It means you are not getting the support you need right now.

You need to look after yourself - if you don't, no one else will. Work will always be there.

[Connect2uplift]

Sorry to hear that work is such a struggle right now. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and normally work as an accountant. I fell way behind with all my important deadlines and it was a truly awful experience. I just want you to know that you are not on your own. I found that there was not much sympathy at work for people with adult ADHD let alone OCD.

[Connect2uplift]

Yes, I like the idea of setting boundaries to protect your personal mental health. It is a way of looking after yourself.

[nervouswreck]

@Neuro_Spicy health care is chronically under-resourced at the moment, but they also don't sound at all helpful!

I agree with @tyme , personal boundaries are paramount.  Really, you should only do 80% of your maximum capacity on a given day.  Save 20% for the rest of your life.  This is extremely hard to do when you are a loyal employee with a high work ethic, but you MUST do it if you are going to survive.

As tyme also says, you need to look after yourself as THE top priority. 

Changing industries at some point in your career is VERY common.  Some people re-invent themselves 2 or 3 times before retirement.  But you might not have to leave health care, just take a different type of role that has a fixed workload rather than a variable one.  I'm not sure what that looks like, I don't know the industry.  Also give some thought for the type of people you want to work for and figure out what questions to ask in an interview that might reveal if they're compatible with your interests.

[Neuro_Spicy]

I moved from a direct care role to this admin based role due to difficulties being on my feet for extended periods of time (chronic pain). 

I love working in this industry plus it’s all I’ve ever known.

I’m considering a switch to child care but for now, I honestly enjoy this job. 

The problem is I’m reaching out for help and not getting it.

man’s it’s not just me struggling, it’s across the company.

I’m just struggling more (I actually can’t comment on others really) because I took 3 days of stress leave and despite requesting my work be monitored while I was away, nothing was actioned. 

The whole company is struggling, sure, but I don’t see how we can’t find someone to help me tackle some of my emails or care plans?

we are fully staffed now, in a better place than 6 months ago. 
man’s we are continuing to onboard more staff.

Work have just come back to me and said they’re offering all this help so what more do I want - the problem is I’m not getting what they say they are giving. 

“… that you need of further support following your recent (unplanned) leave. ”

-unplanned because it was work related stress and I broke down 

“Can you please advise, other than what we have already put in place, what else you feel need help with after returning from leave in June? Or has something changed for you that has affected your ability to fulfill the requirements of the role?”

The stinger her is them turning it around to query if something has changed for me in my ability to do the role…. 
I’ve told them prior to this when asking for help, if I can get on top of the work, I’m confident I can maintain it.

I’m also actively seeking strategies and have just engaged an occupational therapist so that o can plan, organise and action better.

My ADHD diagnosis is 12 months old. I’m still learning how this impacts me. 

I feel like a failure.

And I don’t think it’s as simple as changing jobs, because this is the third company I have been with that have not been supportive of employee mental health. 
And this time part of me wants to fight for my rights.

Im just feeling very vulnerable right now and unsure that I can manage it.

I haven’t been in a space this dark for years.

[nervouswreck]

@Neuro_Spicy it's highly possible to enjoy the job but not enjoy the company or the people.  Honestly, the people/company is what makes or breaks any role.  Have you heard the saying "people don't quit jobs, they quit managers"?  It's true.  But I certainly agree that finding a supportive company is rare, especially in an industry that's overloaded.  So yeah, you need to fight for your rights.  Being assertive and pushing back on things that aren't reasonable is a difficult skill to learn but it's a necessary one.  I'm no good at it myself (still trying to learn) so the following advice is all to be taken with a pinch of salt!

They've challenged you by saying "Can you please advise, other than what we have already put in place.." - this is an opportunity to practice being assertive and say something along the lines of "assistance has been offered, but none of my tasks appear to have progressed during my leave, can you please clarify what has been actioned in terms of assistance so far?".  

It's highly possible they don't understand SPECIFICALLY what, about your work, needs to be done.  Consider documenting in detail what your TODO list is and share it with them (like a shared inbox/calendar, if other people can tick off your tasks then that's helpful and responsibility for doing it properly rests with them).

"..query if something has changed for me in my ability to do the role"

You can be assertive here too.  "No, nothing has changed, I can still perfom this role.  I am simply overloaded and stressed at the moment and this is why medical leave was necessary.  If the workload was more sustainable I would be able to perform well".

Stress performance follows the Yerkes-Dodson Law.  There is an optimal amount of stress (also called Eustress) which motivates people.  More than this is too much (also called Distress) and performance suffers:

https://www.healthline.com/health/yerkes-dodson-law

If management want to get the best out of their people they need to locate them in the middle of the curve.  This is their problem, not yours.

Being this worn out does make it very difficult to push back and be assertive though.  You need to practice self-care and improve your self-talk.  You're not a failure, if management told you to flap your arms and take off, and you stayed on the ground, would that be a failure? Of course not - the request was unreasonable.  An extreme example but hopefully you see what I'm getting at...

When was your last real holiday (3-4 weeks off)?

[Neuro_Spicy]

I spoke with my occupational therapist today.

And I drafted an email for work, pointing out the help I was to be given, what I’ve also asked for and what I’ve actually received.

I’ve even popped some requests in there of what I’d like/need.

I’m finding it really hard to be right now.

Sleep is broken.

I’m forgetting to eat.

and I’m really tired. 

and I wish I had people to reach, to listen, to sit with me, so that being didn’t feel so lonely and so hard…

[Jynx]

Hey @Neuro_Spicy (love the name btw). As a fellow ADHDer who was diagnosed late in life, I totally get it. Came to realise that the reason I am tired all the heckin time is because it takes so much more mental effort to achieve things that others can do without much thought. It's the dopamine system - whenever a neurotypical completes a task, they receive dopamine as a reward. We don't receive anywhere near as much, and thus we don't feel accomplished, we just feel tired. It's awful to then have to run ourselves ragged just to try to keep up. Something I had to really work on catching myself on was comparing my efforts and achievements to other peoples. 

Woops, tangent. Anyway, I could rant about ADHD for hours, but that's neither here nor there. I really hope your workplace actually listens and makes the changes they promised. Something I struggle with is actually articulating my needs. Someone might say 'what would be helpful?' and I wouldn't have a clue - especially not on the spot. I think you've done good by putting it all into writing, and yeah difficult as it is sometimes, getting assertive is important, especially if they're not following through. So kudos on what you've accomplished with the help of your OT. 

I hope you're able to carve out some time for rest and recuperation. You deserve a break. 

Also if you're interested, I started an ADHD thread here. Feel free to pop in and share your story, or just talk about random stuff and we can all go off on fun little tangents together! 😁

[Neuro_Spicy]

Have jumped on the ADHd thread thanks!

Sent the scary email off explaining the help I haven’t got and would like only to get an auto reply the HR person I’ve been dealing with is on leave for 2 weeks 🙃

It was sent to the AGM also but I dunno if she’ll do anything considering the HR lady isn’t working 😬

Feeling exhausted today. 

Very much overwhelmed.

Somewhat productive day at work though despite being overstimulated so that’s a bonus…..

Just wish I could stop crying. 
And didn’t feel so shit. 😞