Lived Experience Forum

[BarbaraH]

I have an attachment disorder as part of my bipolar disorder. I've learned to be quite vigilant about it but can still get caught out. Owners of cafes, some shop assistants and particularly men, check me out to see if I am a child and treat me like one. it's most obvious if I am manic. If a person comes down on me it can be very painful.

I've been in therapy for 30 years and despite excellent care, I am unable to overcome this. is there anyone else out there who experiences something anything like this?

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @BarbaraH,

I don't have a totally clear picture of what you are describing so I'm not sure if I can relate or not. I too have significant attachment issues and I am very childlike in many ways. I am 39 and people often assume I am much younger. Furthermore, when I am in crisis, I can present as extremely childlike. So...as I said, I'm not quite sure if I can relate, but I wanted to let you know that I had read your post and reflected on it.

[Ellu]

Dear Barbara H,

I am 63 years old and have bi-polar disorder. I do not have an attachment disorder so I can't relate to the things which you described. I just wanted to write to you and say although the people who write to this forum all have diferent illnesses and problems we are here to support each other. I may not be able to relate to your experiences but I relate to your suffering and despair when bad things happen and I feel for you. Thinking of you,

Ellu, . 

[Lunar]

Hello @BarbaraH

Nice to meet you I don't think we have met before 🙂

That seems challenging if you feel as though you havn't been able to work through those dynamics of feeling like more of a child when you are in a manic period. How do you cope when you aren't experiencing your manic symptoms, what kinds of feelings come up then for you?

You mentioned you havn't been able to work through this in 30 years, that must be difficult if you feel like you havn't overcome this, I am not sure that those feelings will completely go away and they may arise in certain stressful times, but I can understand how you would like to have worked through them by now and how hard things are for you right now.

Lunar

[BarbaraH]

Thanks for your reply. It has been interesting for me in posting this that it seems to be an uncommon situation. I am learning to restrict my attachment needs to my psychiatrist who has been a kindly parent figure. I really appreciate your time and thoughts.

[BarbaraH]

Thanks Ellu, I appreciate your response.

[BarbaraH]

Thanks for spending some time with me. I have actually come a long way in 30 years - my highs and lows are not nearly as great as they used to be. When i am high is when I reach out to people and when I am vulnerable to have people 'putting me back in my box'. I am very sensitive to criticism and any knock sends me  hurtling straight down to depression. I am always one or the other. I never felt safe with either of my parents. I have a very trusting relationship with my psychiatrist/therapist. When I let go of him I become suicidally depressed. He works overtime with me but it can be a bumpy ride.

Hope this is not too much information. It's really helpful to tell some of my story and to feel the empathy of oters who are involved in their own symptoms and lives.

[Former-Member]

Hi @BarbaraH
I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Sometimes I feel quite literally like im a kid again... Usually when bad or uncomfortable things happen and I suddenly feel like I've gone back to being a naughty child waiting for something bad to happen. Not sure I'm explaining it well...

[BarbaraH]

Your description of the naughty child really resonates with me. I often have the phrase 'bad, bad girl' going over in my head in similar situations. Thanks for that.