Help for a friend (possible undiagnosed BPD/Bipolar)
I know I am not a professional, but I do strongly believe my friend has undiagnosed BPD or bipolar and I am really worried for her. We were extremely close, she always called me anytime there was an issue, but recently she has very abruptly blocked me on all social media. Really i'm looking for people who may have experience to shed some light on what I could or should do.
Context: - She has been medicated for depression before (but only attended therapy a couple of times and stopped her medication). - Acting very impulsively - Extremely irritable - even yelling, swearing in public at times which is unusual. She kept apologising for this. - Always had poor self-image but now has become a bit egotistical - No longer supportive (she was so kind before) - Told me she was scared she was going to die every time she drove. - She has a history of broken friendships - and would tell me she regretted that Happy to shed more light on these. There's many specific examples!
I had contacted a family member to let them know my concerns (especially with driving) and I received a curt reply a week later saying thank you, but she was actually doing really well at the moment.
This has really impacted my own mental health. We were so close. She would walk into my house, go to the pantry like it was her own, even visit my grandparents! So this is just so unusual. She has ignored my email reaching out and a seperate email I sent for her birthday, but she did reply when I asked for if she would send the concert tickets we bought together and a few days before Christmas emailed asking if I had a very random piece of her winter clothing and if so could I put it in her letterbox. It was a very dry email. I haven't replied.
Should I be replying? Should I be trying to reach out to talk things through or is it best to leave things be and hope she comes around?
That sounds quite odd. It is understandable that the behaviour of your friend can be so confusing for you.
When we look at mental health, the clue is to look for out of the ordinary changes. And yes, it seems like your friend is behaving in ways that aren't ordinary.
I have BPD, and whilst there are characteristics of BPD, BPD episodes are usually shorter lasting.. they come and go in waves. Don't quote me though. This is from my own lived experience.
I know you have reached out to their family member. It sounds like they are not really concerned so you have done your part.
As for responding to the email, what feels right for you? How I see it is:
1) If you respond, it may 'melt' them (if it is BPD) and the behaviour may change. If you respond, leave it open e.g. I've left it in the letterbox. I'm here if there's anything you want to talk about I feel there is a change in our relationship.
2) If you don't respond, it may look like further 'evidence' as to why they should stop talking to you.
And if it is a bipolar episode, then I'm thinking maybe those living closer or around her will be able to pick up on the things that aren't quite right, and act on it? What do you think? I don't know your situation, so feel free to take everything I've posted here, with a grain of salt.
Offer your support, but leave it to her (give her agency) to take up what you offer. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to compel her to seek or receive treatment unless she is a danger to herself, you or others (if this is the case, call 000/Psychiatric Triage in your area). This can be such a fine line, so use your judgement.
A – Approach the person, assess and assist with any crisis L – Listen and communicate non-judgementally G – Give support and information E – Encourage the person to get appropriate professional help E – Encourage other supports
Remember, as you are not a professional, you cannot and should not do what a professional can.
