I still live in an environment where I don't feel safe in.
I know I shouldn't just bear with it but I'm hoping i can because i'm scared.
I know it's bad for me to stay here. It's not good for me. My family isn't healthy.
I know it's affecting my life. Triggering me. Leaking into making my studies harder.
I keep reminding myself that i just need to get through my degree. I want to support myself. Heal someday and get through.
But I feel like i'm tiring myself out as i go. And i think part of me knows I should leave.
I'm terrified. I'm scared of changing it all. I do not wanna break this family apart but we were never an actual family in the first place. A facade that I think we're aware of but try to deny.
I know they hurt me. And i do pity them. I do not wanna suffer like this anymore. And I know i cant have everything and i have to make a choice. Im just terrified if i can even deal with it. And my jobs. And study. And i dont know if i'll even have support.
I dont know. Or i do know.
I need help. Or I need to just suck it up and take the step. Watch things fall apart and then build it up again.
I'm terrified.
But i keep repeating this cycle over and over again. How did any of you do it?
If there's any advice I can get, or resources that'd be amazing. I think i'm just hung up on my attachments. I should really just do something and hope i handle it. I cant let fear control me. I just hate doing risky things.