Lived Experience Forum

[CoraDawn]

when live gives you lemons I make a nutsack that I keep on kicking along the ground. i feel like I can’t make any right life decisions for myself. I feel like the whole planet is out to get me like I was put on this planet out of spite. Just when things are looking better it’s like a set on stage and a hurricane comes in and just ruins it all. I feel like any positive move I make for myself negatively impacts someone else’s life. As a true to form people pleaser this is causing me to be angst, angry, resentful and hopeless. I’m always trying to make everyone around me laugh and happy and joyous but I don’t feel like anyone wants me to enjoy my life. I’ve always been reminded about how selfish and self centred I am and how I have no empathy for others or there situations. I don’t feel like life is fair and I don’t think I’m compatible with life 

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @CoraDawn . It sounds so hard. I can relate to what you mentioned about not being compatible in life.

Can you think of what you think will help? What is it that you ideally want to see?

I hear that you feel that everything you do has an effect on others. I guess that's the nature of the complex macrosystems we live in.

If I could, I'd live on an island so I don't' affect any one else... but I guess that's not reality.

I'd like to hear what you want to see change in your life 🙂

[CoraDawn]

Hey @tyme  Change will help but I don’t know where to start or what to start with. 
I want to see the progress not just this cycle of nonsense, I want impact without conflict I want resolution without self-sabotage. 
I accept that every single person is that an individual and singular person unique and advanced in their own way but I feel worlds away almost entirely alien 

I’m an advocate that everyone be their true to form selves yet I feel so far away from my true self and I wouldn’t even know who she is if I found her. 
I’m afraid of change and want it 

I want to speak my mind but I want to be quite 

I want the world to know who I am and I want to be invisible all at once 

I’m powerful and weak 

I’m abrasive and soft 

I’m gentle and hard

I’m hurtful and kind 

I’m the balance of opposites and the complete instability of them too 

[tyme]

Hey @CoraDawn ,

That sounds very confusing. I can hear how hard it is for you.

Have you ever talked to a professional about what you can do to help you through this difficult time?

[MayaBird07]

Love the analogy. You definitely have a sense of humour. 

I can definitely relate to those feelings.

I like to have a joke, but sometimes I feel like I'm taken like a joke. 

You know yourself better than anyone, but its hard to validate your own feelings sometimes.