Hey I read the top bit and thought omg that’s like me. Definitely sounds more like the bpd symptoms, struggle with self image ie identity and self sabotage can also be CPTSD. I also have adhd and do that cycle you described a lot! Hard to break this pattern but atm I’m gonna do group DBT sessions, I see a psychologist and psychiatrist for meds. I don’t know how to help much in this area as going through it myself atm but I’ll let you know if I succeed.
Won’t go too personal but are you on stuff for the ups and downs as well, I am atm and it’s seeming to help a bit to stabilise. Sorry to hear that you’re feeling overwhelmed. Try and breath and take 1 thing at a time. It sounds like you’re really trying and that counts right!? I’m sure they can see that you’re trying which is better than not. It’s hard to not feel like a burden but try and make sure they know that you’re thankful for all the support?
Thanks for sharing your story. You’re also helping others to not feel alone.
It's not good to be so hard on yourself, getting the help you need should not feel like a burden, mental illness is rarely the fault of the sufferer. You mentioned pacing in circles, I have done that for years as it was the only way I could cope with the anxiety attacks from my medication. I have also struggled for years with self-sabotage but I could never work out why. Reading about BPD has finally helped me to understand some of the possible causes of my problems and now I feel like I can start working on the solutions. I hope you can get some help and support as any mental illness can be a difficult thing to work with.
I have done the pacing thing, it is a pretty normal response to stress. In my house I cannot do circles tho ... lol ... so its down a narrow passage from one end to the other.
I have a tendency to normalise things, though I do know some things are extreme and do not want to seem undervalue any sharing on here. Gaining DBT skills of emotion regulation will be helpful I am sure. You are putting in lots of emotion work as well as practical work. That is GREAT! Its also great your family is so practical.
We are having a plumbing emergency atm. Wanna come to my place! ha ha! Joke.
In all seriousness, I cannot say how the meds are effecting you, and I can only send my best wishes that you cut yourself some slack, as your system is dealing with double or triple whammies, adjusting to meds and dealing with your issues.
I was really struck by the number of house moves you have dealt with. That is hard. I went through a lot of moves myself, but not that many. It slowed down as I aged.
