Lived Experience Forum

[wellwellwellnez]

---

@LoveGub wrote:

"I think we feel that we don't fit in because we wonder if we do. I don't think people who DO fit in, do any wondering"

I think that's pretty Zen.

[wellwellwellnez]

I really like this thread. @Oaktree , you just started a thread where we all weren't fitting in and then we magically did. You're a genius. I feel like I've been played (but by the best).

---

[Snowie]

Hi @Oaktree 

You are certainly not unwanted nor are you annoying hon.

I would love to connect with you more 💜💜💜

[Appleblossom]

Dear @Oaktree 

I love how this thread evolved so quickly. You made a place for yourself, and your honest vulnerability encouraged many, and some to make a first post. That is HUGE.

@wellwellwellnez was spot on.

This is not a fixed community. If it works in the best way possible, as I see it, it is an evolving place open to newer and older members.

I have been posting a lot for 5 years, and still feel doubtful about my place in my low moments, a little like @Zoe7 suggested. 

Coooeee @Snowie 

Welcome

@Gordy2121 @Abner @LoveGub 

I could relate to your post immediately @LoveGub growing up with schizophrenia in the family and feeling invisible.  I was a newbie a lot in life (moved houses, cities, family constellations etc etc ) and twisted myself every which way to fit in.  This is one of the first communities I have ever felt at home in .... in that I have "come out" with all the MI catastrophes in my family and gradually made connections that are still current.  Very Grateful.

It is one of the wonders of the internet, that we can mould a community in the virtual space.

Take Care All and Stay Safe.

[Snowie]

Good afternoon @Appleblossom @Oaktree @wellwellwellnez @Gordy2121 @Abner and anyone else around.

Hoping your day is going well.

I have just done some retail therapy from the comfort of my own couch!!

Take care all

Snowie💜

[Peri]

Dear @Oaktree 

you are certainly not alone. And people here will be here for you, just post when you feel that you can.  I have friends but I don’t keep in touch with many now and they don’t put in the effort either . But I have made friends here and the connections are important to me.

hello to @Snowie @Appleblossom @wellwellwellnez @Gordy2121 ,

PTSD is awful to live with and I find that the effects and surprise me some days.  I think I am going ok and then I just crash

here for you Meg

peri

[Abner]

It's also pretty impossible to fit in completely with anyone, no one actually fits in completely with anyone and nor should we, afterall we're are our own selves.  And if we don't have a little bit of self-ppraisal, then we're not getting in touch with what we need, and most love.

[Emelia8]

Hi @Oaktree 

Your post resonates strongly with me, just as it has done with a number of others here I see. 😊

I dont have friends either, other than one friend who lives a long way away and whom I dont get to see much at all. Though we do call each other roughly once a week, which is lovely.  But she works full time, has a family and is very busy.  So I really dont like to intrude on her time.  I do find the forums to be very supportive though.  I get that you may feel unwanted at times, and I suppose I do too sometimes.  But I am sure that isnt really the case, merely our often wayward thinking.

I lost my husband two months ago and I too am very lonely now and feeling very alone and worthless in general.  I dont feel as though my life is worthwhile, I have no goals and seemingly no place in life. I've gone from being a full time carer for the past 3 years, to ... well ... nothing! 

I would like to get back into some part time work, but thats difficult now that I'm over 60yo and restricted in my capacity, due to having some chronic long term injuries.  

I am hoping to get back into volunteer work again, which I had to put on the backburner when I had surgery and post-surgery cancer treatment earlier this year.  But its just so hard to bite the bullet and take the steps to actually make that happen.  Its really only a matter of letting the volunteer organisation know that I'm ready to start back again .. but for some reason, it all seems too hard just now.

Not fitting in .... yep .. get that too.  I often feel like I am just a spectator to other peoples lives.  A bystander or an outsider looking in, and too afraid to even try to take steps to blend in. Always knowing I'm different somehow and not good enough. 

I have always been someone who quietly sits back and observes, reluctant to jump in and take part. Shy ... yes, an introvert ... very much so. And yet I do have the ability to be social in small groups, but it is an effort. 

So yeah ... I get it, and I'm sorry your days are so long and unhappy.  Connections are a vital part of any human existance ... something we all need. 

Have you spoken to your therapist about this at all?  Unfortunately, having PTSD puts us in a position where we isolate ourselves, despite our best efforts not to.

Do you have any hobbies you enjoy doing?  Do you have any pets?

Emelia 🐶🌸

[Oaktree]

Hi @Emelia8 

So sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I hope that you do take the necessary steps to get back into volunteering. I think that would give your life some much needed direction and purpose. I don't much like social situations as I feel kind of awkward and unsure. I do enjoy arts and crafts and no I don't have any pets anymore (both passed away suddenly late last year).

Meggle

[Abner]

I do have hobbies, I draw and paint, and I've found a great group of people to perform music with.  I too am an introvert and can be really afraid of my self-doubt, but one of the ways in which music is a wonderful thing is that when we're rehearsing we're not directly relating to each other, we're directly relating to a very rewarding passion while forming a team with each other.  And you find out that the greatest musicians in the world all doubt themselves and feel awkward around people, even at the height of their success.

I also went through a time when I thought there was no place for me on the planet, keep soldiering on because that way you'll find it does change, remember you did something very important in looking after your husband, and it's time to something equally important and look after yourself.  You have a God-given right be in the world, and find the ways that work for you to enjoy life, and have fun along the way.  Finding out what works for me is an adventure, not a challenge, and you'll find out some really good things about yourself that you didn't know were there.

I drew a picture of a young Queen Elizabeth II today, it was a real pleasure drawing it, she was quite beautiful as a young woman.  I found out that I'm humanistic in that I believe in human dignity and empathy.