I thought my son with ID was doing quite well - he works full time, careful with driving/money/who he trusts and was looking to buy his first home. Found out that somehow, money is going missing from his account, almost daily at times and hundreds of dollars at a time. The bank says my son is doing the transfers. He's not the sort to gamble/drink/go out/do drugs, even have friends. He lives with his elderly grandparents due to his anger/violence at home in the past - since been medicated. I'm worried about bringing it up with him - how it will affect him mentally and I also know he will probably lie to me or not tell me anything, just get angry. I've had the bank put a stop on his account and getting his accounts changed and taking charge of them to halt the money disappearing, but I'm so concerned what it will do to my son's mental health. My brother suicided at the same age my son is now due to financial overspending to buy friendships and women. We're in a small rural area and I don't have extended family that can help here.
It sounds like you're in a really tricky space at the moment, you're worried about your son's future but at the same time bringing it feels futile or risks your relationship with him being compromised.
It's fair to be concerned when you can see that what he's doing can lead to a lot of bad consequences at the future, especially after seeing what your brother has gone through ☹️ You've done so well to take some steps to protect him, even though the situation hasn't made it easy.
I hope the community can give you some some words of wisdom around this!
Services like Parentline can also be a good resource during times like this! Parentline is a free counselling service over the phone, dedicated to supporting parents with parenting issues like yourself. Sometimes practicing a conversation with someone else, or even talking about consequences of having vs. not having the conversation can be really useful. If you're up to it, it might be a great place to start.
While it might seem counterintuitive, it's also super important to take care of your wellbeing during times like this too! We're better at supporting others when we're in a good headspace ourselves, so please remember to take the time to pause and care for you too.
