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Something’s not right

Malen
Senior Contributor

TW Suicide - repeating memory

As many know  my sister attempted to take her life recently for the second time. My Dad found her on the floor the first time, I know this affected him. He was able to get her to sit up, essentially under her own power and we were able to get out of her much of what she had taken.

 

This second time I found her, she was snoring quite loudly so I knew she was alive but I couldnt wake her, she would come to long enough to start to swear at me but would get half the f word out and fall back to snoring. 

 

We got her an ambulance and she was taken to hospital, where she still is. I should be taking the opportunity to sleep and get some downtime but I am haunted by the memory of finding her unresponsive. I get the same feeling of dread each time. Its like watching the worst thing in your life with repeated feeling over and over. 

 

Its keeping me from sleeping and doing normal daily activities. I woke a bit after 1am with the thought. Its a bit after 2 and I am still not able to shake it. Or the thought of what happens next time when she is released how do I cope with leaving her alone knowing I might walk into something worse. 

 

This pain, the repeating vision of finding her is something I have never experienced and I dont know how to process or deal with it. Ive been told its normal in these  kinds of circumstances but that doesnt help. Im unable to speak to my psychologist as I need to get some form from my GP to continue seeing her (an Australia thing) which I should get Tuesday but then I have to wait to get an appointment. 

 

Ive spoken to beyond blue while nice enough, useless though did refer me to the suicide call back service who again were useless. Everyone keeps saying what a good job Im doing, how hard a situation it is, I know that its hard Im living it but how do I stop the play back and get some real sleep. 

 

That sounds ungrateful and mean, I dont mean it that way. I just wish someone had more significant answers to stopping the replay. I do appreciate what people have done and continue to do but Im in pain, and in the  middle of seriously unbelivably difficult situation and I just want some kind of mental pain killer and my medications arent cutting it.

I hope I havent stepped over the line moderators, Im sure you will let me know if I was too descriptive but it plays to the context of the post.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: TW Suicide - repeating memory

@Malen 

 

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Your reactions and rerunning the thoughts is very normal, I don’t think there is any quick fix. 

Do you do any self soothing? I find butterfly hugs while tapping quite firmly, slowly and rhythmically can help me calm down. I also find EFT tapping can help me, self hugs and paced breathing might help but it will probably be really tough for a few days. I hope you find some peace and can get some rest. 

Re: TW Suicide - repeating memory

@Flotsam 

I dont know what the tapping stuff is or butterfly hugs are, no offence but most of that went over my head. 

I do the breathing thing 4 in 7 out, when I remember. Its hard though it happens so quickly that by the time its played out Ive thought about breathing. 

With all my anxiety at the moment the breathing thing should be a constant way of life. 

 

Thanks for your reply

 

 

Re: TW Suicide - repeating memory

@Malen 

 

Sorry, but yeah, I didn’t know what they were 6 months ago either. 

butterfly hugs are really easy. I hope it’s okay if I post links. 

 

butterfly hugs

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiqlamhx-f9AhWt63MBHTYsC...

 

eft tapping

https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwik1YiDyOf9AhX_8HMBHb2PC... 

 

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