Lived Experience Forum

[chibam]

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@Oaktree wrote:

@Bon_courage 

I just asked hubby if when depressed and suicidal if he would seek help? He said “probably not”

so I asked him if he has ever been suicidal and he said yes. When I was really sick years ago he felt that way.

I don’t know how to help him if he won’t seek help or even tell me about it

Meggle

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Tell me to shut up if this is too upsetting for anyone, but I can relate a fair bit to the husband in this scenario.

I'm not married; I haven't even met my wife yet. But I decided a long time ago that if I ever was fortunate enough to find my soulmate, I would not outlive the marriage. If anything happened to her, I would go with her. I believe this is the right course of action, and I'm not really interested in talking about it, because I'm not looking to be attacked, criticized, or brainwashed into adopting a foreign set of values on the matter.

I'd be happy to have a discussion with open-minded people on the matter; but few people are open-minded when it comes to the subject of suicide. Most people just want to badger the suicidal man into adhering to their dogma; so there's no point in even entering in to the conversation in the first place.

[amber22]

Now for our next question of the night @Bon_courage 

How might some of the language and societal expectations that is used around men’s mental health impact someone reaching out for support?  

[TideisTurning]

That's a great question @Oaktree !  Your hubby is welcome to look around the Sane Forums if there's anything that might be useful for him? Our previous Topic Tuesday last month was on suicide, for example 😊 We'll also share a few more resources toward the end of this discussion

[Oaktree]

@Bon_courage @amber22 

I think the problem is that hubby considers me the patient and ignores his own needs. Kinda in denial.

Meggle

[Bon_courage]

Q: How might some of the language and societal expectations that is used around men’s mental health impact someone reaching out for support?  

I feel there is a current societal effort to normalise and de stigmatise language around mental health and, in this case, particularly around Men's mental health, but we’re not quite there yet. There is still a lot to be done. 

Depending on where you live, with whom you work, what your cultural background is, your age even, people will react differently starting conversations about Mental Health from uttering outright invalidating comments to simply avoiding the issue. So how do we break the stereotypes? 

• Talking helps (and as a Peer myself I want to listen very carefully at what reservations people are bringing up) 
• Start small (any long journey is made up by thousands of little steps). If you’re the one asking – keep the questions open ended 
• Role modelling. Look for any; and/or be a role model yourself. 
• Enlisting voice and support of high-profile community members 
• Offering options (confidentiality still a big issue for example) - and here it is important to remember that we are all unique individuals, tempting as it may be to draw parallels, we cannot assume what a person is going through

[Shaz51]

Hello @Bon_courage , @TideisTurning , @amber22 , @Oaktree 

[chibam]

Hi @Shaz51 ! 🙂

[Bon_courage]

@Oaktree I'm sorry to hear. Sounds like a tough experience for both. It may be helpful to look at what worked in the past for your husband. Is there a particular friend perhaps that could broach the subject. Please don't feel that all responsibility lies with you. 

[amber22]

Hey! @Shaz51 So glad you could join us tonight 🙂

[Shaz51]

Hello @chibam 

@Bon_courage 

We don't live in the outback but a regional town and my husband says it is a waste of time getting help from past experiences