Introduction

[HenryX]

@Oaktree 

Oh Meggle, there is that feeling of unworthiness coming through in your apology for not providing something in return.

"

I can assure you, as I have mentioned elsewhere that we do not have to settle the accounts at the end of the evening. If you feel that what I offer in the words that I write is helpful, that is sufficient 'reward'.

"

I would also like to say that I enjoy corresponding with you. My hope is that the discussion may smooth the waters a little and bring some peace. You are not alone in the position in which you are now. As I have said, we haven't had the same life, obviously, but there are parallels that allow us to feel a certain security and purpose in discussion with each other.

With Best Wishes

HenryX

[Oaktree]

@HenryX 

I am sorry for you that there are parallels in our lives stories. My wish for you is healing so that the remainder of your days will be more peaceful and that you will have a happier experience. Thanks for caring about myself and others the way you do. I really appreciate the support.

Meggle

[HenryX]

@Oaktree 

Thank you Meggle. You know also that i can give as good as I get, so if you feel like a verbal wrestling match or just a chat over coffee, I am more than happy to join you.

With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

[Oaktree]

Good Evening @HenryX 

How was your day today? I had a long day. Had to take son number 1 to get covid tested. So I sat in the car for hours upon hours waiting for him. 

Meggle

[HenryX]

Hello Meggle,

It is just after 9.00pm here. I'm pleased to 'hear' from you and I hope that you are ok. Unfortunately, these covid issues and impositions are difficult to deal with. Sitting in the car for a good part of the day would, I imagine, have been very frustrating.

My day was fairly quiet, using the drizzling rain as an excuse to not go outside. Just plain slack!!

I did spend my time on the forum most of the day. Then time caught up and I realised that I should get ready to go to the singing group for 7.00 pm start. Enjoyed the singing, as I normally do.

One of the members gave me some lemons so I will do some juicing for drinks.

HenryX

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

Sorry only just found your response from last night. I ended up going to bed early last night and obviously overlooked this in my new notifications. Covid test came back negative so all is well here. I sometimes sing in a choir too but I haven't been since being unwell because I was there the night I was hospitalised and I am too embarrassed to go back. It wasn't on this week because of the covid situation anyway 

Meggle

[HenryX]

@Oaktree 

Hello Meggle

Really, no need for apologies. I have mentioned that I might, at times, be on the forum for quite a while, at other times I know that I'll catch up with messages when I return. Eastern states people are on a different time-frame, so messages get responded to when I check notifications.

When you left your message, I was watching a you-tube presentation by a lady who presents in a pleasant manner, from a professional perspective, but also I believe, from personal experience on CPTSD and other issues. The website link, if you might be interested in having a look is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7Ctqxocrzg

I hope that the early night preceded a sound sleep. Very pleased that the covid test (you were gracious and gave it a capital “C”) came back negative. That came back quickly. I have a bit of a cold or hay-fever and I should get a check; have to ring the local surgery tomorrow to see if they have such things here in the “bush”. We still are conscious of social distancing and we don't mingle in crowds - eg shopping centres (there aren't any).

The singing is a good chance for me to get out and have a little contact with others, and to contribute something for the aged care residents. Mum was there for the last three years and it took me over eighteen months to go back. I'm glad that I have. Actually I realised that it might be best if I give tomorrow a miss, because of cold/hay-fever.

I understand your feeling about going back into a group where difficulties have occurred, and obviously, I can't speak for others, however, they may well be pleased to see you well and dealing with everything with new resources. Gosh, it's nearly 8.00pm

I hope you have a pleasant rest of the evening, Meggle.

With Best Wishes

HenryX

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree

Warning - Long message

I had prepared this note for the Pooh and Friends page, but felt that it was more about thoughts and activities that I may be able to share with you, and that you may be able to appreciate, share and connect with. Hope that is ok with you. I wanted to put some thoughts down when I came home and be able to share them.

I am happy to support the thread and continue in a story. I can say that I am surprised at how 'things' have been going for me recently, as I alluded to in one of my recent notes.

“

One issue that I was “painfully” aware of today was the fact that I spend too much time at the computer, and not enough time cleaning the house and the car to keep them and me in good shape. Not enough time riding my bicycle and walking, to keep me in (good) better shape. And exercise the dog. I am actually realising that I am literally losing the capacity to walk, because it seems that I am taking the easy options.

“

Today was a doctors appt in Geraldton which is 2 hours drive away. I quite enjoy the drive and it is a time for me to think and reflect. One of the issues for me to consider is how I think of myself and to myself, which is, what I believe, is commonly referred to as "self-talk".

“

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has been part of the influence on my thinking and "self-talk" for many years, since I read a book called "Feeling Good" by a fellow called David D. Burns. M.D., and another of the people involved was a guy called Aaron Beck. I just downloaded the 2012 edition of the book from "pdfdrive.com" and also the 1999 edition of the Handbook, which I have not yet read.

“

I was about to say that "It takes a long time for anything to sink into this thick head", and because of this note, was immediately aware that this type of statement is exactly what CBT and "Feeling Good" is all about. It really is about how we feel and think, not about anyone else, but about ourselves. And then, if we realise that our thinking about ourselves is skewed, lop-sided, badly self-critical, then what do we, or can we do, to change that thinking.

“

A lot of my thinking was a product of my father's aggressive correction of whatever he thought that I was doing wrong, which without exaggeration, was pretty well everything. But it was often about simple, little issues; yes, everything. But the responses were always MAJOR, (he was in the army after all) and seemed to be about everything (I'm aware that I've already said that a lot), of which he was aware. He is not even alive now, so who is continuing that aggressive, manipulative, super-critical, even malevolent conversation on his behalf. The answer is so obvious and yet so difficult to pin down. It seams so much a part of me that I don't even think find it difficult to consider that it can be changed. It seems like trying to pin a glass marble with a certain type of kitchen implement, with which it is impossible to pin a glass marble. {Have to be aware of safe terminology, but I guess you will understand.} Who else, but the person who was being abused in that way, Me.

That's why I know about becoming the abuser.

“

One reference says that “Feeling Good” is a silly name for a book about psychological matters, and yet it is really the simplest and most appropriate name. Feeling Good is the goal. I believe that my first connection with the book was in the mid 80's. So quite a while ago. That is, in part, the reason that I referred recently to quarantine, reviewing and repacking of our life issues.

“

CBT, as I understand it, is more about “us now” rather than regression or past issues. However, in dealing with our present, we may connect, in some ways, with the experiences that have led to where we are in our present. There may be some strong feelings experienced. But it is not so much a case of dragging us, kicking and screaming, through all our past experiences. Rather a matter of challenging and changing the active thinking processes of, and in our day-to-day activities

“

My present counselling is working from the Schema Therapy perspective, of which there is a reference and note below.

“

This was not all that I thought about today. We are having difficulties in the community, with getting quotes for some of the repair work required in town. I plan to suggest that the community members combine and seek quotes for all the work, as a bulk lot. This may, hopefully, encourage some builders to quote, if they see that they can provide a single bulk quote for the available work to be considered. This will require some liaison with community members and a commitment from each, that they will proceed on that basis, should such a quote be accepted. This may help to overcome the resistance that some builders have expressed about travelling the distance for many small individual quotes in our location. It could even be the start of a good connection for the town and the builder. But I better concentrate on one thing at a time.

“

Following are some references to material that I am considering at present.

A brief description of CBT on the following website, see the note No.1.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/about/pac-20384610

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1. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy). You work with a mental health counsellor (psychotherapist or therapist) in a structured way, attending a limited number of sessions. CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way.

   CBT can be a very helpful tool ― either alone or in combination with other therapies ― in treating mental health disorders, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or an eating disorder. But not everyone who benefits from CBT has a mental health condition. CBT can be an effective tool to help anyone learn how to better manage stressful life situations.

"

The following wikipedia site has a description of Schema therapy, & brief description in note No.2.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_therapy

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2. Schema therapy was developed by Jeffrey E. Young for use in treatment of personality disorders and chronic DSM Axis I disorders, such as when patients fail to respond or relapse after having been through other therapies (for example, traditional cognitive behavioral therapy). Schema therapy is an integrative psychotherapy[1] combining theory and techniques from previously existing therapies, including cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoanalytic object relations theory, attachment theory, and Gestalt therapy.[2]

"

With Best Wishes

@HenryXRush

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

Sorry I have not had time to respond yet as I have been rushing about doing this and that. I really want to give you a decent response so leave it with me a little longer.

Thanks

Meggle

[Oaktree]

@Sophia1 

please read Henryx's last post here