A quick note to say "Hi" and short update. Nothing done at home today. However, before singing tomorrow and after, I will be getting the garden gear organised and operational, for an attack on the (over)growth. The exercise will also contribute to the culling of excess material.
Arrived home, about an hour ago, after a very pleasant day out; lunch with brother and his wife. They have been traveling and phoned yesterday, to arrange connection for today. Meeting and discussion very amicable, for which I was very pleased. Also visited two other sets of friends during the afternoon. About 250 km all up. It was a lovely day, about Mid 20's temperature, beautiful lush green crop colours that match the current story line of "Writing and receiving letters via virtual post.", where I have added a similar 'report'. Wild fllowers galore and "carpets" of canola. There is still a little water in pools beside the road - not a lot, but shows that the moisture level in the ground is good. Hope that all this leads in to a very good harvest.
So now, after some play with Kirra, I am reviewing "notifications", and responding as appropriate.
Sounds like you did indeed have a very pleasant and sociable day. How nice to see your brother and his wife! I am glad for you. It will be great for you to get the garden back under a bit of control but maybe a bit exhausting. We had a good day today. Finally got our car back after it having been at the accident repairers for the last 10 days. Hubby scraped the passenger side on a post a month or so ago. So we went and did some much needed grocery shopping. Will have to get up early in the morning to take the laundry to the laundromat where we use the driers. I am supposed to see my psychologist tomorrow but I have a cold so I am hoping for a phone consultation but don't know for sure as they have been on a training course the last 3 days so haven't been able to make contact.
Have singing at Residential Aged Care this morning, but somehow just not feeling up to it. Maybe a little bit of reverse reaction from yesterday.
It was pleasant seeing my brother and his wife, yesterday. I think that I may have mentioned that our relationship has, at times, been strained and difficult. However, our meeting, as I said yesterday, was really pleasant, for which I am very thankful.
I am looking forward to getting into the work required in the yard, despite feeling a bit down. In fact, it is likely that getting out there will lift my mood. I have also been asked, by a friend, if I know anyone who does mowing and edges. Possibly, an indirect form of request for assistance. So, if I can do my own, and theirs as well, I will have the feeling of being able to contribute and also improve my exercise level with productive physical activity. While I am aware that I need to keep a realistic amount of effort, I am hoping that the exercise and contribution will help in improving and maintaining an overall level of positive mood.
I feel sorry for your husband re the car. I know how annoying (soft expression) and frustrating scrapes can be.
Although there is a fair amount of wind about at the moment, the days are still cold and rain has been heavier and more frequent in Perth than here, I believe, so I can understand the need for driers for laundry.
I do hope that your consultation with the psychologist, today, is positive and productive.
Time to get ready to go out. I hope that you have a lovely day Meg.
I'm not sure why I missed your "Inside the castle lives an old professor!" comment and photograph, on the "Writing and receiving letters via virtual post" thread. About twelve months ago, I shaved off my beard and I don't smoke a pipe. However, the appearance of the person in the photograph bears an uncanny resemblance to mine, though I, possibly, do not have quite such a professorial appearance. Close to the way I would have looked 20 years ago, including beard. Hope I'm not being too presumptuous in my assumption that it may have been a reference to me. If I am, it is interesting how these connections and parallels pop up from time to time, anyway.
All I would like is the lovely ordered library and lifestyle, that may, presumably, be attached. Hence my desire to clear and rationalise my possessions for a tidier, neater situation. I have numerous books on a wide range of topics. My primary interests have leaned mainly toward sociology, and from a practical perspective, small boat building, which I hope to at least start, as a project for my grandson. I have the equipment for such a project, the intended first of which would be a small wherry styled rowing boat.
So nice to gear from you and set my thoughts to such normal topics. I am in a fair amount of distress following an over the phone consultation with my psych. My on again off again approach has them not wanting to work with me. They question my readiness and support structures as I tend to try and handle things alone rather than involving others. I have never opened up with my husband about mental illness topics because I don't want him to worry all the time and a lot of the time my thoughts would scare the life out of him. I also love books and have a number of Folio Society editions. I also have an impressive collection of cook books although I got rid of a lot a few years back. I am glad that you liked my photo of the Professor (almost you). I am so glad that I have you that I can talk to Henry.
I am very pleased that we are able to talk with each other about issues that we think and feel are difficult to address with others, even those who are close to us. I respect you, your feelings and thoughts, in as much as we have been able to share thoughts, ideas and talk about feelings on the forum. The very fact that communication on the forum is anonymous, gives us, within this space and among forum members, a considerable freedom to be open, caring and sharing in support of each other, and the other people with whom we connect, and in ways that are often specific to each of the people with whom we speak.
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I have been concerned that there would come a time when the psych. and the clinic may see the position where they could no longer work without your explicit and continuing approval, or they were close to the bounds of any such approval you had already given. They could only go so far before they would see themselves in a position where they could possibly be considered to be pressing you to move further than they had been given approval to do so by you.
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If you would like to discuss that situation, I believe that you know that I would be pleased and happy to do so, in whatever way that you feel would be appropriate here on the forum.
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As you are probably aware, there is a tipping point in the personal see-saw type balance between wanting to move forward and be clear of the internal issues that we face and the corresponding but opposite resistance to facing those issues. The reasons for any such resistance can be many, and of different types. One of the reasons that I have, at times, seemed somewhat formal is so that you and I remain free to talk about issues, to the extent that we believe is appropriate and within the real and perceived anonymity of the forum.
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You, in your own words, “have never opened up with my husband about mental illness topics, because I don't want him to worry all the time, and a lot of the time my thoughts would scare the life out of him.” On the one hand, I understand your concern for your husband, in terms of not giving him cause for distress, and the opposite situation whereby, his lack of knowledge, means an unknown, for both you and the clinic, in terms of possible reactions and response. And specifically, what that may mean in terms of support for you. I would understand that the psychologist and the clinic may be concerned that combined with your own resistance, the fact that your husband is not fully aware of the MI/D issues that you face, and any other possible concerns that you feel exist, this may effect the possibility, of having or not having, sufficient support to enable you to proceed with treatment.
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Another issue may be your personal concern about your own thoughts, about the experiences that you may have endured. Those thoughts can be so distressing that any consideration of disclosing them is met with our own considerable internal resistance.
{I say “may have endured” because I don't personally know the experiences, though you have alluded to extremely negative experiences, in your past, that constitute treatment, by another or others, as causing you trauma. I am in no way minimising those experiences, or their impact or outcomes for you. I most certainly accept your real and perceived experience of treatment causing trauma to you.}
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I have written a lot here, and I would like to know what you would like to discuss. I hope that what I have written may provide something of a framework around which our discussion can take place, if you wish to, and about anything that you wish to discuss.
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While this note is about the difficulties of the day and much more, I really do appreciate your expression of confidence in our capacity to talk with each other. Thank you, Meg
Hi Henry, so sorry I haven't responded to your last post yet. I just don't know what to say. I am a mess of feelings right now. Just writing a letter to my psychologist as we speak. I hope you have a great day, hopefully no rain to stop you being productive in the garden.
No problem about timing of responses. I just leave a note, from time to time, to let you know that I am thinking of you, as you have also done for me. Hopefully, my messages project some wellness your way.
Happy to talk about things specific or general, anytime that you would like to.
While my last post may have been a little heavy, my thoughts were just to give you some ideas from an "outside" point of view. In no way do I want you to feel pressure arising from our dscussions. That is why I ask you to let me know what and how you would like to talk about anything, either 'deep and particular', or 'general, light and fluffy'.
I see that you thought it was too cold to be outside today. I hope that you got something productive done indoors instead. I saw you said that you had been posting on the corona virus - I haven't had a look yet but I am a bit over the whole unstable mess. I wish I had a more positive outlook regarding it but I think we will have COVID-19 with us for years to come. I just hope that I can avoid getting it entirely as my risk factors are increased due to my weight. I wrote a letter to my psychologist earlier. It will probably make matters worse. Everything I do seems to make stuff worse. After my conversation on Thursday with the psychologist my BPD was really going off big time. I was like well if I can't see the psych there is no point being well enough or stable enough to see them. Might as well stop taking my medication and end up in hospital. I decided to keep taking my medication for now until they make their final decision about whether or not they will keep seeing me. I just feel like if there is no help for me and no hope for things to change in my future then what is the point in anything.
